Beautiful life

I eat and eat and eat; I eat like a fat pig. Sometimes I feel guilty but people assume I won’t put on weight. I’ve started to love eating and sleeping which I think are time consuming. I’ve learnt to enjoy myself at least more than before. It’s all about happiness these few weeks.

I like this relaxing lifestyle, so much better as compared to the previous one. I meet good people who smile politely and offer so much helps around. I mix with weird people, who consistently create laughers to the group. I’ve good friends who come to me frequently to check me out. I like this innocent batch of people, so childish yet adorable. I hope these moments could be prolonged.

I’m enjoying not because things are better than before, but I start to look at the brighter side. I pick up new things everyday, emerging to be a more confident man. I increase my level of toleration, for the sake of kind souls.

I feel so happy each day, so satisfied with my life. But somehow, something’s missing.

Wait

The flu is jamming my brain cells and suddenly it starts to beat my head like a drum. Few hours to my usual beach outing and I’m still lacking of sleep. Just two days to my tests and I’m rotting at home, sitting in front of the old monitor, and staring at the television set. There’s so much more to do but I neglect all my planning; I waste the ink on my notebook, listing out the tasks to accomplish. I don’t know what’s wrong. Someone has got to motivate me. At least, I’m feeling great since a week ago, when mind starts to take things lightly. Life has too many kind souls to cheer me. I ponder on “You never know what’s worth waiting, until you succeed”, which I never do.

Blind

Close your eyes, you won’t want to know more.
Enjoy your most beautiful sight now.
Just relax.
Don’t open your eyes
because this world isn’t suitable for you.
Just pretend you don’t know.
You don’t know who’s hurting you.

When I don’t know

After so long, I realise the contradiction in my heart. There isn’t any progress, yet distance seems to lengthen rapidly.

To be alone is sad, and to be without you is raging torment; I suffer since sober.

I try not to think, I fool myself with console. I decline my true affection, but the feeling is too strong.

I stare at the moon, it reflects the past of a lonely man; the paradise filled with her smiles, where the wind sings most beautifully.

And I wonder why true love doesn’t escape hurt.

Laughers return

Last Thursday was one of the happiest days I had in Stagmont so far. After the long day exercise and keeping of stores, it was all leisure time. There were great performance and steamboat buffet which filled my stomach so much. I was impressed with the dancers who could remember the steps which kept us entertained for hours. After which, we had our usual Uno game into midnight like nobody’s business, bringing laughers for each other. If not for the few selfish people, I wouldn’t remain quiet most of the time to reduce interaction.

Yesterday, the beach was crowded with beauties. I finally regained some skill to put on good games which I could be proud of. The first pain I encountered was when I was inside the pool, where there was a cramp on my left thigh. During the barbecue, the cramp returned and we laughed ridiculously as though it was really funny. It wasn’t long when the left part of my lower ribcage started to cramp as well. The day could be better somehow if there were more topics between me and the rest like in the past.

I seem to have broadened my thinking after all the bad encounters. There’re too many things to forsake because they aren’t important; things that I can’t help I shouldn’t waste my efforts at all. All the unfairness and biasness are parts of the daily lives and I shall just bear with them. I must be strong…

Just three more weeks and I’ll be through. Whereby there’s four more weeks to my freedom and I can live my previous volleyball life. Yes, if nothing goes wrong.

That someone

Someone hadn’t had enough sleep for weeks.
Someone scratched his watch during lunch.
Someone cracked his phone with a VRC 947.
Someone hoped to be accompanied.
Someone penned his thoughts on his notebook.
Someone prayed to go home.
Someone had so many things in mind to accomplish.
Someone wanted to draw.
Someone wished to walk his dog.
Someone was inspired but short of time.
Someone pulled through and returned.
Someone’s computers went down.
Someone’s selfish friend approached him again.
Someone was exhausted.
Someone lost his spirit again.
Someone just wanted to sleep.
Not me.

Medical Appointment

I was impressed upon the first visit to the Tan Tock Seng Medical Clinic. It looked more like a shopping centre, but much more spacious and clean.

I wasn’t feeling great to be alone again, though others were envious of me. It was another big difference in thinking between my surrounding people and I. Walking out of camp for medical appointment was totally different from going home.

I felt stupid again into the conversation with the doctor when I realised he was only specialised in nerve systems. What I really needed was examination in my legs injuries and not just the little numbness on top of the foot. The fact that I’d cancelled another appointment for the lump on my calf pissed me off.

I didn’t know how much longer I could endure the pains, and I didn’t want to lose the chance to play volleyball for my future camp. I couldn’t wait to be attached out, from the jail-like place. I needed my freedom more than anyone, the time to improve and prove myself with works I could accomplish.

I walked on to a lost track once again.

Year 2004

I’d been rebellious at the start of the year. Things were going bad especially my Final Year Project in polytechnic. Knowing that I couldn’t let history repeat itself, I began working hard after wasting a month’s time. Under the guidance of Mr. David Francis, my efforts paid off.

I started off with preparation for the NAPFA test but was too reluctant to do any exercise until I received the enlistment letter. I started to panic as the stated date was three weeks after, which was quite rush. I went for the NAPFA test at NP thrice and passed with a gold award. The instructors were surprised to see me do my pull-ups.

I started to prepare for the Singapore Volleyball Open tournament, playing for BMCC for the first time in my life. However, the lack of training had scraped off my confidence by then. I played the lousiest game ever at Hougang Sports Hall’s slippery floor with my weary shoes. The lighting played my astigmatism. I’d never felt as disgraceful as before.

I’d listed some tasks to be accomplished, but I finished none other than two websites. About half of my free time was spent entertaining friends on their problems. Since January, I’d reformatted more than ten hard disks. Sadly, my friends didn’t appreciate my work and they insisted that I was very free.

Into National Service was a total change of life for me. I felt isolated at a corner often as I couldn’t communicate well with my buddy who was slow. There were many selfish lamers and slackers, but also nice souls like Chunlin and Ben who helped me a lot. Illness and injuries developed especially during the field camp. I spent my 21st years old birthday doing push-ups and digging self scrape, which made me feel disappointed in my life. However, the army’s little allowance each month gave me a better life than before.

I undergo a change in character after witnessing the cruelty in life, where sadness stacked up daily. Perhaps, I was too emotional and self-reproaching. I became a quieter person. Then I realised it was too stupid to be sad – nobody would pity you when you hurt your brain. I shouldn’t care for people who take things for granted; instead, I should spend more time for own stuffs.

I was posted into Signal camp probably because my future unit wanted me to or due to my injuries. Life differed from BMTC’s a lot which resembled my polytechnic’s life. The toughest things were to stay awake during lessons and remember crazy names. Apart for the few lamers, there were many nice and friendly people there to light up my life, which motivated me a lot.

New Year resolutions:
– get attached out of camp for volleyball upon completion of my signal course
– play good volleyball
– be a confident man
– be more hard-hearted
– improve language and widen knowledge
– earn more money
– and more.