Leaving for ROC

I’m bringing my pain along to Taiwan. The aching on my back weakens my body. I’m glad to leave, to gain experience, as well as to escape from the craps I’m facing.

It’s the first time I’m holding an international passport. I’m at total lost. It isn’t just a simple trip, not when I’m leaving with the army.

I’m not ready to leave, too many things for me to settle makes me reluctant to set off the next day. I’m too lazy to pack my luggage, certainly too tired to, because the stress on my back makes me lie down.

I’m not ready to leave, I haven’t had enough fun with my friends. I’ll miss everyone, especially the chio-er ones. Yea!

Sour plum covered with maltose

maltose – malt sugar

Pieces of memories keep falling, filling in the emptiness. I seem to be recovering from the amnesia.

I refuse to but each time when I lose my concentration, the jigsaw puzzle rearranges towards forming pictures.

Have I killed the enthusiasm of someone? Why do I feel something’s missing?

I never dare to recall for the pain keeps hitting on my head. Suddenly I feel like drinking to my unconsciousness.

我顺着狂风唱出一首首情歌,
希望它带给你我切切的感触。
风能带走我的忧虑,
就当我幻想和你在一起。
我细细听着,
听着它为我带来你的消息,
就是一千年,
一万年,
我还是在等着它对我说你很快乐。
风无时无刻带来了你的香味,
我又何时不挂念着你。
我叹了一口气,
气里包含了你我的过去。
风,
它偷偷地偷走了我的自信。

最后一滴泪

疲倦的眼从此不再为谁流泪,
因为脆弱的心灵早已生产不出泪滴。
需要用人造泪水才能洗清每日日以万积的伤痕。
那最后一滴的自然水就是这么的珍贵。
它包含着痛苦与喜悦的精华,
在一瞬间不知所措,
边缘中垂死挣扎。

I see I know I realise

I always give no thought of how long I would take to accomplish a task alone. Partly, I’m influenced by the old saying “if you’re determined you can work anything out”. So, I always do things blindly, putting in my full effort, but I don’t know my limit.

Maybe this is the reason some friends like about me as they take my stupidity as pureness. No doubt, this is also how I maintain my fitness, whereas others need to go gym to work out.

Perhaps, the mIRC scripting and web designing are obvious unplanned duration of my work; my back injury is the ignorant of my limit.

I witness the speed of forty over men moving equipments from a room. The task would take me more than a day, or I might not even finish it before my spine breaks. begin to revise in my belief.

I see how insignificant my strength can be, and how much job can be done with my brain. I know I’m not in total wrong, because one should give in all his best; but things could be better done with some aids from others. One can only relies on himself, but not working alone all the time.

Inspiring meeting

The meeting with Anthony on Monday evening added remorse to me. My repeated unexpected delay in the camp caused the movie catch to cancel off even though I sweat my uniform smelly on the first day of the week. We had dinner instead and I was guilty all along the way.

We began discussion about my life. Though most of the advices he gave me had been through my life since long ago, but I hadn’t put them into use, and suddenly they seemed more understandable. Anthony was more than a friend to me, a man of around 10 years older, so inspiring and respectable. I knew him through my brother’s appraisals.

Over the years, I began to have doubts in my judgements and beliefs. It was part of growing up. Failures and setbacks had distorted my life. I seemed to have vague impression of my character 5 years ago after Anthony mentioned; I was then a happier person with smiles on my face. He asked me why I didn’t want to get a girlfriend; alone wasn’t a choice but the judgements of girls.

I began to attain faith in myself. I shall not concede to majority when I’m right; I shall not concede to senseless mockery; I shall not concede to myself.

It was a night brain refreshed, though more perseverance would be expected.

How many days do you need?

Took a big round of walk around my neighbourhood but couldn’t grab a cab, in the end had to walk all the way. Just about to give up, a cab stopped right in front for someone else.

Waited for 1.5 hours, doctor said dry eyes was too minor case for A&E department. The irritation started more than a week ago and how would I know it wasn’t serious? Would I have time to visit the arrogant MO when I even had to do OT almost daily in camp?

Waited for 1.5 hours, another doctor said x-ray might not show problems to my backache. He asked me how many days of MC I needed. The more the merrier! But I said it was up to him. He stated 2 days, which was after midnight. 1 more day to a 5-days long weekends.

Took my prescription, and to my terror, the same old panadol kind of pills appeared again, which was for the backache. What’s the difference between them and the MO from Tekong? They gave MC but not the cure.

2 days, just enjoy.

The battle

Kind of being motivated somehow out of nothing, I wanted to stay on to battle, at least, until the crisis was over. Yet again, reality put me down. I was so lost, because sometimes I seemed to be taken granted for.

I wasn’t sure if I could leave, but meanwhile I wanted to contribute. I wanted to work hard. Suddenly they stopped. I didn’t know what was going on until some lay down and announced we were on strike. It wasn’t long after we had a meeting and nobody complained to the boss.

We might not be the first to be trialled but why shouldn’t we help others? I don’t know what the boss’ boss has done to them before, perhaps, giving them tons of shit to settle. It isn’t about who will be on the losing end but since we have time we can just put in a little effort. But it’s true that no matter what we do, we’ll get blamed and nobody will ever recognise our work.

I hate to remain ignorant to everything but I’m afraid to see more facts.

Missing, longing

Nothing lasts forever, especially happy moments. It seems so difficult to get back to the past, so hard to get even a slip of the feeling.

I’ve tried my best, but excitements always turn sour. One mind alone proves no worth at all. None of the rest shows appreciation of the olden days’ outings.

People change as they grow. You might not recognise a person in term of looks a few years later, and the horror is when you see his indifferent attitude.

Human beings get to know one another better over years, but why do I lose tracks of my friends’ sight instead?

Some drift away after they’ve found their love, while some walk away because they think negatively. My capability and efforts to gather them lie in vain, too tiny to accomplish my dream.

Why do kind souls start to show inconsideration? Is it that I’ve misjudged in the past, or all the misfortunate has broken their hearts?

I see little hope for a big gathering again because I’m fighting alone, powerless and exhausted. Nevertheless, one day when loneliness invades, someone or some people will get everything done.