When death arrives

What is death? Is it the beginning of another life or the ending of suffers? It comes to my mind once again out of sudden. Sometimes I do have this feeling that I’m going to die any moment, soon.

Perhaps, I’m just too tired. I’m curious to know what will happen after my death and how people would feel. I guess it will be like in the movies, where some shed crocodile’s tears just to show others that they are nice people. Who will really be sad? I want to read everyone’s minds when I’m floating without my body.

However, there are still so many incomplete works waiting for me. My efforts would lie in vain. I try to do all I can everyday, somehow still lagging far behind. I stare at my works, each looks so complicated and together, they put me down on bed with my hands pressing on to my head. I just cannot concentrate, or even get any of them done. I feel like dying sometimes.

If you’ve realised, I’m always choosing the “avoid” method to overcome each problem. For all I know, avoiding should be the last resolve, which is the least preferred solution to most problems. I just need a good rest, long enough to replenish my worn out soul.

I’m so tired. It’s so difficult to get myself being understood. It’s so tedious trying each day, and suddenly I just wonder if the person worth it. I’m feeling my legs weaker each day; I don’t even know my own condition well. My frequent gastric pain is acting weirdly and my stomach hates me deeper each day. The doctor suspects ulcer in the stomach, though I don’t think I can be so “lucky”, the symptom somehow matches.

One day if I’m found with terminal, can I choose not to go for any treatment so that I can die earlier?

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