Reddish eyes

I don’t know why my eyes are reddish now. It can be of some reasons – too lack of sleep, too many sands went in, I wasn’t used to wear contact lens since it was only the second time I put them on or I had worn them for too many hours.

I’ve too many things to type and too many photos to upload, edit or rename. I’ve to give up now. I don’t know what time I’ll be able to wake up – two, three or four in the afternoon?

The selfish thought

Sometimes the acts of a person could be so disgusting. Self conscience could be the missing item that selfishness was able to invade and conquer the entire mind.

What he does is all that answerable to the boss in the surface but not his colleagues and that they’ve to cover him up so often. So much for the inconvenience caused, yet he never appreciates – he never learns.

If you were tasked to fix up a working computer with all the parts in the storeroom, would you instead just grab the one in the office which everyone is using to hand over? You know someone else would eventually get another set for the office and that makes him or them indirectly finish your initial job.

How smart but how sinned?

I’m not having anything against him but the ways he handles and tries to achieve his gains are too inconsiderate.

It’s fair enough to try to slack through the NS life since everyone’s being forced to serve; but it’s never an entitlement to push your share of work to the others, or even create extra work out of nothing. If you think you’ll only need to suck up to your superiors and thus you can abuse your colleagues, you’re a goner in this world that you’re going to be hated, maybe not shown but always in everyone’s minds.

My sleepy dinner

I almost couldn’t make it home.

That was exaggerating but it seemed quite true actually. I used to be able to withstand lack of sleep, but no longer could I be so determinate again.

Life sucks? I’ve lost my enthusiasm. Yes I’ve matured more but it gets me wearier than ever. I’ve grown sick of things and definitely my mindset has changed – I don’t know for the good or bad.

I need more rest and especially more time to write down the topics on my mind. I store them too long that everything has begun to rot and by the time I try to write them down, everything seems vague.

My mum wanted to have dinner outside again, but this time my brother’s girlfriend joined us. I didn’t want to spoil all the fun. Back to Chinatown as usual, the fish head kept us waited for almost half an hour. I didn’t know why they must go on the expense when they were complaining about shortage of money. The two plates of sting rays were hot and the beancurds with the prawns were fantastic.

No longer a newbie

Sometimes you’ll be given some privileges when you’re given some bad chores, I mean by luck.

I wasn’t supposed to do guard duty before promoting to Corporal rank. The trainees were gone and so, they pulled in anyone to cover up the jobs. Anyway, Raymond aka 狗狗 was dragging in as well most probably because his boss, the big shot LTC wasn’t around for these few weeks. This was how hypocrite whoever could be. Great thing was that CPT Yeo was the complex DC, whereas Sam Toh was the guard commander. Life was good definitely.

The rain didn’t stop and guard mounting was cancelled. I managed to pair up with Raymond to do prowling at the second shift. We were asked to lower down the flags and fetch the night snacks. It wasn’t my first time just that Sam knew me better than the rest, and thus I was more approachable, similarly with the previous time when I was doing duty with Wah Chuan.

Prowling was much simple and faster without following all the tedious instructions; I wasn’t dumb like when I was a trainee anymore. I knew where all the checkpoints were located at, thus made the job fast before we could rest in one of the bunks.

Walking in the gears might be just tiring to anyone, but it had worse effects on me on my problematic body all thanks to the army. My back was tired out even more and my knees gave me pains especially when I was climbing stairs or moving up steep slopes. The most crucial injury was the pain on my feet, that each step seemed to soft the flesh and anything hard to make impact on my nerves or blood vessels directly. Wet socks and cold weather could have made it worse.

I want to accompany Sam to stay up and watch the clips on the laptop but gave up since I didn’t even have enough sleep the night before and that I still had to work on the next day. The downloaded “Guess Guess Guess” clips were entertaining and there were countless Taiwanese babes.

I had less than an hour of sleep before I proceeded on to the second round of prowling with Raymond. This time, after finished our job, we dozed off. The alarm sounded off on my phone but I read it as “Amara” and continued with the napping. Around ten minutes later, I woke up and realised we were late for reporting. Sam was cheeky.

We went to the guard room to sleep immediately as the rain got heavier. By the time it was our turn to set off, the rain hadn’t stopped and I continued my wonderful sleep. Sam couldn’t really wake me up for breakfast.

I tried to help him as much as I could, going back to all the checkpoints to gather back the papers in the rain with Raymond, and checking of the troublesome record book for unsigned blanks. I was quite puzzled why some of them couldn’t take a longer look to do their parts, whereas I was of something better finally.

Sam helped us to get away fast from the guard house. He stayed there himself with another two guys who were more unfortunate. Maybe it was just because of the non-stop rain or the kindness of CPT Yeo that, I was so lucky to have such a peaceful and more relaxing guard duty experience.

Guard duty scam

I really hate doing guard duty, especially when I’m still injured; I can’t stand, walk or even sit down for long. My right knee gave me more pain than ever for the past few days. By right, I shouldn’t be doing it until I get my Corporal rank.

Then I realise the MO has given some people the excuse status. How about me? Is this world just about faking? I should exaggerate instead of not letting the pain shown on my face? I’m being disappointed by the doctors so many times; they just show me the evil side of human; they just care about money more than anything; they just care about covering their asses than to stop the suffer of their patients.

I feel bad but I still have to curse sometimes, and wish their sons would suffer the same fate as well in future.

The new boss

I had a fun time tearing CPU apart last Friday. Nobody would believe that was the first time I removed RAM, fan, graphic and sound cards from CPU.

I may be handling computers for more than twenty hours per days sometimes, but I can’t risk opening them up in case I accidentally spoil anything that I can’t afford.

Shep and 007 weren’t around and it should be a slack day which we could sleep inside the office. It was different with this new boss who had to take care of us as well as to answer to the top. He was the most hardworking person I had ever seen.

Quek is not more than fifteen years older than me I assume. Being a regular with the rank of a staff sergeant who just got married a year ago, he’s the role model of us. He has great knowledge over many things and he’s never like other officers who throw work at us. He’s well-organised and has great visions, even plans to make our lives easier.

One thing I can’t stand about him is his initiative to do work by himself. Yes, he’s setting very good example for his men but it’s stupid to carry all the heavy things by himself. It’s going to very sad to see another guy who suffers from injuries like me. Everytime when I see him carry bulky and heavy stuff by himself, I feel so uneasy.

Is this a reverse psychology which some people think? I’ve a weakness for this.

Somehow he’s quite similar to my character, except that he’s much more capable. We strongly believe we can’t depend on others to get things done, just that I always fail to do things by myself.

Things are getting better so far and Quek has told us he forecasts everything would be settled down soon – I don’t know. Since long ago before my injuries worsen, I’ve always thought the shit would be over soon – it never. It seems to me that the suffers would end only after my ORD date.

There’s always something more that I can do, I know for sure. I can’t sit down there and wait for time to pass. I want to finish everything off before I sit back, not slacking around and let things drag on. But I do get tired.

There’re also facts of ugliness Quek might never know. We can never measure or ensure completeness of fairness but we can at least moderate it. I just hate it when things get too far away and it’s always this case. I don’t know – what to say and how to solve it.

In the afternoon, he didn’t call for us anymore but I didn’t want to let him clear up the junks inside the temporary store room alone again that I stood by there. Indeed I had a tough time shifting the computers – at least thirty monitors.

When I was instructed to remove the parts from the CPU sets, I asked Yuqing along. I brought down tools and managed to break the Abloy locks and Yuqing was having fun cutting them after we had finished our jobs.

It’s a tough path ahead and especially this week when I’m having office duty and then guard duty. Birthday celebrations are on as well and Irwin might be arriving at Singapore any time. There’s eventually a way out, where I brave through all the hardship…

Death of his kin

Going out with my colleagues were great, except for the wrong purpose. Yongcai’s father passed away a few days ago and we went to attend the funeral.

At least he has two elder brothers who are already fetching money home, while he’s serving the national with the low allowance each month. I mean he’s better off me, because my father passed away with lung cancer when I was in secondary three. My elder brother was sixteen then and my younger one was only eleven. Since then, I’ve been trying hard not to get upset over anything. Though I’ve failed umpteen times, the experiences have frozen my heart more.

Anyway, after the busy day, I didn’t catch the rest on the shuttle bus. I alighted and thought they had boarded the train, so I rushed up. My phone’s battery was drying off after the long day’s work. I finally switched it on but was too late. I met up with Rueben and took a walk down to find Chua at Jurong East.

Chua was a weird guy, because normally my friends wouldn’t want to trouble others, whereas he insisted Rueben to get him a packet of ice tea after we made a big round of search in vain. This time he pointed to us the direction. Though it was a bit far away, I was in luck upon crossing over the road. However, I was looking around the place and by the time I looked in front, a cute girl passed by, we had walked past each other. I sensed she was looking at us somehow. Anyway the coffee shop was quite far away and I made a wrong choice by purchasing the $1.20 can drink there since I could get it much cheaper at a vending machine.

We went back to sit down. Chua seemed fine to us. We couldn’t expect him to cry anyway, I understood his situation well, that he would most probably weep when nobody was around. Funerals in Singapore weren’t like in the movies where you could hear cries throughout the days.

As the rest arrived by bus, namely Fredrick, Ivan and Tze Siang, we had a great gathering. They were kind, fun and entertaining. We gossiped like aunties in the market and time passed by fast. Suddenly I saw Chua Kao Sai and I realised Yongcai and him were relatives. We had a chat about BMCC and PJC before the sky turned dark, we left for our dinner at IMM. I wasn’t feeling that great in my smelly uniform at crowded places.

I had made a fool out of myself a few times by saying “MMI” (Military Medical Institute) instead of IMM since I was always going to MMI for physiotherapy sessions. Anyway the Long John Silver’s place was almost full and we couldn’t get any seat, thus decided to cross over to JEC (Jurong Entertainment Centre). I wasn’t supportive of the idea since IMM was bigger and definitely had more babes to look at.

The Long John Silver’s at JEC was definitely a low rated place for its poor service. We waited for more than ten minutes for all the food to be served over to our table. I would never classify it as a fast food restaurant.

Set aside the food, our conversations went on again. We talked about the upcoming Jianwei’s chalet and the Red house at Pasir Ris. I could feel the innocence of everyone and too bad I didn’t have my camera with me. I seemed to be the quietest guy there but it was really entertaining to listen to him. We sat there for quite long and finally parted after nine. Everyone went separate ways except for Ivan who stayed close to me and we crapped so much in the train that I couldn’t stop laughing.

Sam Toh

I was surprised to receive Sam’s entry on my guestbook – I had never even expected him to visit my website.

This ass loves to act cool in camp and often tries to spite me to anger. He’s a great liar who claims that he graduates from polytechnic but I heard he was from a college – a brainy in disguise.

He’s not a bad guy after all; alternatively I should use “nice and funny” to describe him. You can always crap with him, and so far, he hasn’t shown any temper in front of me.

He’s a regular customer of my department, that’s how I get to know him. Through the ROC trip during June, we’ve become better friends and I’ve even shown him my cowardice at the tall game machines.

Though we always tease each other, I’ve always regarded him as my very good friend. He’s more than what he always appears to be – a real thinker.

He has personally supported my outing though there wasn’t any girl who attended. He’s someone who I want to befriend of, especially outside camp hours too.

What lies

I hate waiting. It makes me sleepy and tells me how foolish I am.

What are lies? What are promises that aren’t meant to be kept in the first place?

From since sunrise till mid afternoon, it wasn’t fun.

It gave me a good reflection, reminding me again that I was wasting my time. I just couldn’t move on, where my inspiration frozen, I couldn’t put anything in black and white.

I lay down and put myself into deep sleep.

My pretty physiotherapist

On my visit to the hospital again, I went to find my pretty physiotherapist. I was lucky enough to bang into her when she was about to leave. From far, she waved and I was glad she still remembered me.

She was with her colleague and I asked her for her contact number. This was the moment my mood dampened. She refused to give me my confidence. I didn’t expect this at all since we used to be chatting nicely during the medical appointments.

It probed me to analyse more deeply over matters. I started to wonder how much I worth to others.

To me, I might treat someone as a good friend, but does he or she thinks and does likewise? I may not show, I may not sound nice, but I really care.