Is there a change?

“You look like Kailun in the past; I mean your attitude,” he said to the newcomer. “He always tidied up the office though it seemed pointless.”

Am I being very slack nowadays? There are indeed times when I’m sitting around doing nothing, but I supposed I’m still far better than most of them. There are too many reasons behind everything that I really stay helpless.

The main reason that I’m doing nothing is none other than I’m very tired, physically. The backache is torturing me so cruelly that I have to sit and even lie down frequently. Recently, it has worsened so much that I’m even sweating a lot at the back.

Next, I suppose I’m more into the inventory part of the job than before. I spend more time on chasing people for overdue equipments and even more time on finding out the locations. There are also many other things I’m into. I’m very glad whenever I’m able to sit down to idle or have a few games.

Also, I’m trying to be less pro-active to avoid being taken for granted (already been happening). I despise that both the more senior and more junior people are slacking while the “middle grouped” guy is doing more job. It is not the matter of jealousy or calculative but of self-esteem and responsibility.

Mental tiredness is one of the factors as well. It has never being fair in work; I’m not allowed to represent the formation for volleyball but I need to carry heavy stuffs in camp. I have tried so hard to set good example for freshmen but the rest show the way to slackness instead. There is too little more that I can do.

Is there really a chance in me? Is it for the better or worse? Does it matter?

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