The office phobia and disheartened

I’m beginning to hate this type of life tremendously; I grow sick and disgusted of all the daily crappy work. Apart from this, I also have to put up with morons who can call shots just because they foolishly signed on and the organisation had no choice but to promote them after a period of time. Alas, I have to pretend smiling at them even when they do not deserve any respect at all.

Needless to say, there are more kind and helpful people around but this is not enough to wipe out all the shit.

I hate regimental; I hate rules and regulations. I hate being forced to keep hair neat when I myself wish to, only if time and wealth permit. I hate the requirement to pay compliment to all superiors because I’m already being educated to respect the elderly; but not bastards.

For all I have tried to keep the spirit of the new guys up, others continue to take things for granted; so the trend is going to resume, till future generations they never keep up good working attitudes. All my efforts have been lying in vain, and finally I give up; I really have to.

Some choose to sleep the whole day; some just find somewhere to loiter around. Breakfast is a good excuse to stay away from the office for more than an hour; whereas a briefing is another chance to escape, especially when nobody knows when it is going to end. I know all the techniques to skive but I never believe in dumping the daily work to the rest.

I do not mind working hard if there are things to learn, but not to do shit for others who simply do not care; it somehow brings my pride down. If your seniors who work just a few months longer than you insist that they have worked enough and your juniors try to follow after being pushed jobs, are you going to be the one to clear up everything? What are you going to do if you cannot pour these out to anyone in case you will get your “friends” into troubles?

Do you know how much I have sacrificed over the past one year? Just because I believe in giving in my best, I never say no even to colleagues; if being helpful and kind is a form of submission to selfishness, they are the cause to my failure.

The place has totally ruined my life; it has wrecked my body so badly that my back and knees injuries have ascended to the worst condition I have ever had. I cannot even do a simple cleaning job without a bad aching at the end of day, needlessly to say carrying of loads. My future is a dark path, where more pains await me.

This is affecting so much of my personal life – my passion for volleyball. I can never be as flexible as in the past when my knees were normal; I can never maintain my physical after a few jumps; I can never coordinate my body with the backache. I cannot even walk without feeling my knees are falling apart.

I have this chance to seek free treatments but others try to destroy me with sarcasm and doubts. I cannot hold my x-ray films with me everyday to show anyone who tries to jerk me off, explaining that something has happened to my cord. I’m still doing all the daily shit, carrying of heavy stuffs and running of errands, even with the official letter from the doctor. This sense of responsibility is killing me because I’m using it at the wrong place.

Why am I staying at such a corrupted place? Why are the more junior batches getting promoted earlier than me? Why do they promote me twice, in a month’s time when I’m supposed to be double jumped in my rank half a year ago? They are massacring my time, pay and worst of all – my pride. They plant depression in me for the four months’ term suddenly became six months.

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