Free Food and the Christmas Present

[Saturday, 23 December, 2006]

I was waked up early by some free food. My neighbour told my mum about the reopening of the PosBank Tanjong Pagar branch and then my younger brother and I were waked up after she finished bathing. I did not want them to takeaway for me and thus I followed them down instead.

By the time we got there, the crowd had already dispersed and there was no track of food. I felt quite relieved somehow.

We went to the market instead and had nasi lemak for breakfast. I had to foot the bill for my elder brother was not there and I could not let my younger brother do it. I really felt so heavy on my shoulder. Money had being such a big issue for me. It was so pathetic for I was having no income for so many months already and mostly thank to the property agent job.

Back at home, I dozed off quite soon and into afternoon, I started worrying for Vivi’s Christmas present. Even though she claimed that she did not need one as she knew how broke I was, I knew clearly she was such a dreamer who would fantasize for a great Christmas.

All the burdens were driving me so mad that sometimes I really wished I could just bang my head on the wall and end all the worries. But for this I must admit my stupidity because I could not do it like others who would simply enjoy their lives without thinking for others.

Seriously I wonder why some people who have wealthy parents can waste so much money without thinking of what kind harsh lifestyle many others are living in; the worst case is when people who live in poor families try to live wealthy men’s lives.

For me, I know my own status and situation well that I will live a poor man’s life until I get enough money to finance my younger brother through the university, allow my mum to retire, get my own house and finally further my own studies. I do not know how long I will take, for I am not a great man and never have the ability to command through my softness. However, I will try to grow stronger each day.

Anyway, the day went on with me arranging a time with Jielin to meet up at Far East Plaza. She suggested 6pm but I realised I could not make it and delayed it for fifteen minutes. I cut through the crowds in very “stylo” pace, feeling so great that my left leg was able to do the job. I met John, Khong Wee and Gin Seng on the way and later realised my timing was just nice. I gave her a call when she was only at Great World City’s bus-stop and even doubted it was already the time we were supposed to meet up.

I was waiting there like a fool but was able to see countless babes. After she arrived in her ugly spectacle, she did her job well by suggesting items to buy. I was considering a cap but felt it was stupid since I did not like Vivi to wear any. So, I stick to my initial plan to get her a bag. Then, I realised I ought to be knocked to some sense for spending so much on her again when I was so broke. I hated myself.

I walked Jielin to the bus-stop and accompanied her till her bus came. Then, I chose to take bus 167 even though I knew well the road would be jammed badly during the festival. Sadly, I could not get a good view of the sceneries and decoration for I was sitting at the centre of the last row of seats.

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