The Sweet Things Yesterday May Not Be Sweet Today

Long ago, I heard encouragements to the persistence of doing my own business. Flexibility of time and working location were great buy. I could do my work at any time of the day at anywhere with my laptop, which meant that I could merry around during normal people’s working hours. Apart from the extra hard effort required and income instability, everything was supposed to be sweet.

I, however, am never a cut to become someone who can really enjoy myself. There are many things I wish to do but have given up. There are also many things I hesitate or hate to do but I’m doing them for the sake of accommodating my loved ones and friends. I’m definitely living a bitter life for now.

I have free tickets and accommodation for overseas trips, but I cannot and do not have the mood to leave Singapore for more than a day.

I also have job temptations from numerous kind friends. I know I should not give up halfway.

I have done my best to struggle alone on various required job roles. I see myself as a researcher, content writer, designer, programmer, tester, blogger, website administration, administrator, marketer, IT support and probably others. The numerous tasks waiting for me to accomplish everyday have killed my creativity since long ago. It is a hectic life for me.

I never have understanding from people surrounding me and not even those whom I get to see numerous times per week. Most friends do not know what I’m working as and those who know do not know what I have been doing. Overall, most people have impression that I’m an idler, although they are very kind to persuade me to get a job.

While most people know about my flexibility of time, they are neglecting the fact that there are huge amount of work for me to finish. So often that I’m neglecting my family for work, especially when we are so bonded together, and I’m always feeling the guilt of turning them down.

I have to deal with changing climates monthly. Even the loudest voice to support my business venture has turned against the flexibilities while I’m being sandwiched by people. I should be feeling great that many kind people are trying to help me but I cannot stop feeling being torn into pieces. I’m still far from meeting their expectations.

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Year 2010 – The Year of Isolation

I stayed at Clementi ITE for three months to help my boss. Eventually, I left the place after spending more than a week to work on a farewell website. Soon, I received my degree certificate from University of Wollongong. I also went back to ITE to help Hirman for the orientation camp of the second time of the year.

I had my second last volleyball game of the year before quitting my job. Somehow, I was greatly disappointed over certain things. Thereafter, I rarely got to see my buddies.

I concentrated on my quit smoking website. After officially releasing the website, I was very glad with myself that I had made some contribution to the world and I thought I could die without any regrets after that.

Tze Khit moved his gym over to Tanjong Pagar. I was very happy to see a good friend whose career took off well. I spent a lot of time hanging out with him and updating his website for him. Those sessions were very stressful because he and his partner were giving me instructions by my side and there was no table to work on. Furthermore, I felt very uncomfortable charging a friend for my services. I got to meet many interesting friends at his gym. I went back to Clementi ITE for volleyball with Tze Khit for once, which was the final time I got to touch volleyball for the year.

As I was jobless, my bank account started draining especially when I continued to give my mum money every month without fail. My Sony Ericsson phone G705 died on me and I started using an old Nokia 3120. I began losing touch with my friends as the old phone could not read the entire SIM card’s memory. Since it was totally not user-friendly, I gave up sending greeting SMS to my friends during festivals. I was not broke but it made no sense to hurt my piggybank more when I was still jobless and thus I waited on for my phone plan to be over.

There was no progress in my relationship. I met two very nice girls but they were too busy to go out with me. They eventually got attached.

Towards the end of the year, I began working on a tuition agency website called Smart Tuition. It was after several bashing from friends that I should not be working on non-profitable websites when I was jobless. Mike saw some light in my working direction and began coaching me. We almost missed our first outing as I could not find his contact inside my temporary phone while he was holding onto my old number.

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The Indescribable Feeling

A sudden gust of indescribable feeling rounded me as I stared into the empty space. I knew for sure I would be missing things. I could never recall setting aside my work for a day in the past few years. Somehow, I was released from the curse for once.

For a day that I should really enjoy myself to the fullest, I paused to start missing the day before it had even ended. I knew it too well that such chance was slight.

I looped through memories and felt luck was really far from me. I could be a loser and I could also do my part at the same time to give others my best wishes.

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