On the Verge of Collapsing

Life has become more unpredictable than ever since the beginning of this year.

My younger brother and I were always at loggerheads when we were young. He has, however, grown up to become a very sensible person and we become very close.

As I have been putting stress on myself without taking much rest, I am prepared to die of brain cancer or similar illness at a young age. I used to think that I can depend on him to take care of my mum when I am gone.

When he notified me that his body was acting weird, I was lost.

A few days later, when he returned from Bali, we went straight to the Accident and Emergency (A&E) department of Singapore General Hospital (SGH). It was one of my most hated places. Scenes over there were nasty, especially when I had to witness foreigners crying over to the lost of their friend.

Half of my brother’s body was experiencing numbness on the right side and it seemed like needles were poking him. Doctors and nurses began to get worried after they conducted X-ray and CT scan. Initial finding was either brain bleeding or blood clot, as we were told different stories by the staffs.

I had to lie to my gullible mum that my brother went over purposely just because he had bought travel insurance and wanted to make full use of it. My acting skill excelled as I remained calm in front of my mum even when my brother was admitted to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). Perhaps, his condition was not so critical at the moment but it happened that the high dependency (HD) ward was full and he had to be admitted inside the more critical ward.

When my relatives started to find out about my brother’s condition, I had to answer them on the phone besides my mum, pausing for a few seconds to suppress the urge to burst out, before explaining in a relaxing tone. That was what grown-ups had to learn to do.

There was no feeling of festive season. I was glad enough that we could get time-off for him to go out for our reunion dinner. My brother was hospitalized until the second day of Chinese New Year. We did not manage to see the doctor in charge to ask about his condition. We were also disappointed with the management of the hospital.

My brother needs no medication at the moment and we are all clueless about what will happen next. His illness is likely to be “Post Thalamic Syndrome” as researched online. I cannot imagine myself feeling the numbness over half of my body symmetrically and boiling over my leg occasionally.

I’m beginning to feel numb as well. Staying alive is mainly to face hardship. My work alone has already taken away half of my smiles.

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Happy Valentine’s Day

You were probably out with someone else and had enjoyed your night. On this romantic night, your hand could have felt warm.

True lovers just want their loved ones to be happy.

Are you happy?

On this very same day of every year, I felt the same. Luck was never with me.

It is never peer pressure that has caused me to fall for anyone; I am never searching for anything except the feeling of happiness.

I do not take on a battle that I have no chance to win and I never want anyone to suffer with me before I make my mark. I do not belittle myself but I am realistic about my current situation. I do not make empty promises.

Most girls prefer guys who can promise them the stars even though they subconsciously know that it is impossible. They love flowery words and the feeling of being wooed.

I am a person who “under-promise and over-deliver”. There are always two sides for everything – good and bad. At least, people who appreciate me will trust and feel comfortable with me – they have fewer disappointments and more surprises.

Some people say that I am stubborn but everyone, regardless of any horoscope, has his own insistence on certain things. There are many things that some people, including me, cannot bring ourselves to do, and they are far different from being stubborn.

I am not someone who would get flowers. I would rather buy gold than diamond.

Not many girls would fancy a guy like me.

Valentine’s Day is a joke for me.

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It just Hurts

My left thumb was sprained on last Saturday night. It was caused by receiving a ball using fingers on the volleyball court when I softened my fingers to place it a metre away for the setter. I did not trim my fingernails and had this phobia, which restricted my movements. It had been more than a year since I last sprained any part of my body as I had not played volleyball for very long. I hate it for causing pain whenever I trigger it. Even squeezing the toothpaste has been made difficult. It reminds me of the doctor warning my mum that losing the power on the thumb will cause disability to nearly 40% of the daily tasks. I am actually quite used to the after-sprained feeling since my back has been hurting similarly for the past ten years. The hurt is definitely not as severe as heartache though. Somehow, I have not forgotten about the hurt caused by my last ex-girlfriend more than two years ago. Every single lie, regardless of the seriousness, from any female friend just pours back the memories. “Please don’t treat me too nice.” I’m quite sensitive to the request from any female friend because it reminds me of my first relationship. It somehow makes girls guilty and the feeling is bad, which also makes them begin to admit their lies, whether big or small. Sometimes I wish I have not been too sharp, which has also been scaring female friends away. I always remember what Baoyu has told me more than a year ago – most girls do not think logically. When I begin to be too frank with my observation, it often draws a line between us. I’m not a smart person and thus I always do my best to make up for the shortcoming. However, I’m often powerless. Most of the time, I can only sit back and pray hard for them when they are in bad times. Whenever a sweet friend whom I have been treating sincerely distances away suddenly, it hurts.

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Scammers Steal My Photos – but There’s Only One Me

I have being hypnotised to believe that I am cute or at least photogenic. Maybe I’m popular? After my photo was stolen in Tagged by a scammer Lawrence Tan with the MSN email lawrencex789@gmail.com a couple of months ago, recently I get to know of another scammer who is using my photo in Facebook. The name is Kingston Romeo and the URL is http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001983734458. This Kingston is a very open pervert who has been dropping pervertic comments on girls’ profiles as seen in his Facebook profile wall. He has also tried to hook up with my ex student. Lawrence is definitely a smarter scammer as he has bothered to remove my copyright watermark on the photo, unlike Kingston Romeo; although both are probably freak-looking. One disgusting shit about these incidents is that both of them have stolen my ugliest photo but it makes me feel good since even when I’m at my worst, I’m still better looking than them. On the other hand, I have been single for more than two years. If none of the girls, including my big pool of female net friends, is interested in me, what makes the two hilarious-looking scammers think that they can succeed in winning girls over just by using my photo? There is only one me in this world. There are certainly many people in this world who may look identical, but they can never communicate in my style. I hope more friends will appreciate me for putting water benchmark on all my photos.

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