Letters of guilts, dreams of forgiven.
Chapter 1: The chalet’s nights
His tragic didn’t stop. He soon met another angel who he fell madly in. She was Felicia.
The first time he noticed Felicia was around February that year. She took the same path with him after school for a few weeks. She was the prettiest girl he had ever seen in school. He mistook her as the “level belle” but he didn’t keep his eyes on her for he had Jane in his mind at that time.
Felicia was an active girl who looked sporty. Her laughers were loud. Many people were criticizing about her laughers and yet he admired her so much for it. He knew she was a good girl by judging her actions and the ways she spoke. He would turn her sweet if she became his.
A friend invited him to Felicia’s class chalet and his timid mind only accepted it after some days. He even went to buy the food with his friend, but Felicia didn’t join in.
The first afternoon was an awful period for him as his angel wasn’t there. He didn’t dare to ask, in case his secret would leak. He was totally disappointed. She arrived in the Evening after the barbecue. His heart stopped crying.
They gathered around the television set at night and he sat at the farthest while Felicia fell asleep on a chair right in front of him. The guys went upstairs for games but he lied that he wanted to finish the show.
The girls awakened Felicia and she took a seat behind him against the wall. They questioned her and she gave a weird answer that she wanted to prevent falling asleep.
They had a plan to play a trick on the guy who invited him to the chalet that night. They pretended to sleep and put some toothpaste on his back. The girls were laughing loud, especially Felicia. It was unbearable to the others but to him, she was cute. His friend woke up and was unsuspicious about the crowd and the heavy smell of toothpaste.
On the second midnight, Felicia was playing poker card alone outside the house. He and some guys went out to accompany her. They invited her to join them inside to play mahjong cards. The rest of the people were asleep.
He was the best player there and he was told to teach Felicia how to play the game. He sat near her and she was a fast learner. The game didn’t last long. They went out to buy snacks and when they came back Felicia was already on phone. He offered her 1 but she rejected.
The 2 guys saw some babes inside the nearby building and Felicia accompanied them to “stroll” around. When she was back, she questioned him why he didn’t go with them; he quickly replied he didn’t like to look at girls. He regretted. He should have told her he was already looking at an angel right in front of him.
The guys dragged him up to sleep and Felicia was alone on the first storey. He planned to go down after his friends fell asleep. His plan failed again as he had only an hour of sleep the day before. He quickly dozed off and woke up in regrets hours later.
He became crazier for her ever since. He started to write poems for her. He didn’t know what could have caused the urge. Other than her beauty and her wildness, it was just a feeling, a special feeling that he wanted her to be by his side, always.
Chapter 2: Paddle together
The holidays were soon over and his secondary 3 life started. His devotion for Felicia increased everyday. He could no longer stop thinking of her. He stayed back school everyday in the hope to see Felicia. He didn’t let off any slight of hope and he thought of her before planning anything.
He phoned Felicia’s ex-classmate to get supporters for the volleyball matches. All he wanted was Felicia to go. He failed. It wasn’t strange since Felicia’s friends didn’t know the volleyballers well.
His dad passed away around Chinese New Year. The guy who invited him to his class chalet phoned him and he promised to find some pretty girls to visit him in the funeral. He was hoping Felicia would go, but he was down lucked.
When he started to go back school, he heard of the secondary 3 camp. He was unable to find out whether Felicia was going or not, yet he decided to try his luck. He obtained the form from the fiercest teacher in school.
He phoned his ex-classmates for help when he was at a loss, but they did nothing useful. However he was able to get Felicia’s phone number. He had many rare chances to get to see her. Fate was playing tricks on him.
The secondary 3 camp started soon. He was named the captain of one of the groups together with Felicia the assistance captain. However there was no chance for him to perform any duty as the captain throughout the camp.
They started off the camp with canoeing and the teacher wanted them to choose their partners stating that every pair must have a boy and a girl. Everyone was shy and reluctant to pick his or her choice and the teacher had to do the grouping herself. Lady Luck smiled at him; he was selected to canoe with Felicia! That was the second time that he spoke to her.
Felicia was sitting alone on a bench near her tent after midnight. He pretended that he couldn’t fall asleep and his classmate accompanied him to tour round the campsite. He was so naive that he actually wanted to “guard” the campsite.
They walked for hours and suddenly he lost sight of her. He was so lovesick that he wanted to approach the banana trees, which were warned by the teachers not to go near to. His classmate had numbness on the legs and he had to give up the idea.
They patrolled round till 5 something in the morning and his classmate fell asleep on a bench while he stayed awake. He had lost all the chances to talk to Felicia during the camp.
Chapter 3: Seven letters
He finally made his first phone call to Felicia the following Sunday morning. It went smooth. Felicia played 2 same songs to him to choose which was the better one. After choosing she told him that was sung by her. In the middle of the chat he heard some knockings and she told him she was changing. The chat lasted for about 100 minutes.
He continued to phone her, after midnight sometimes, but he didn’t know what he actually wanted. He told her a story about how a guy suffered and then met a girl who he was so crazy for. It was a terrible night. She guessed the guy in the story was he. He didn’t mind because he had made it so obvious.
She made him tell her who was the girl and he couldn’t hide from her anymore. He recited a poem for her and he told her she was the only one who could continue his story. She paused for very long and she told him to give up.
He could hear her mutter “if only 2 days earlier” but he wasn’t sure. He didn’t expect it. He wished she could ask him to wait for months or even years, he didn’t mind. Worst of all, he didn’t realize he had sounded like asking her to become his girlfriend.
He was dumb! The silent chat lasted for hours. He took off his charm and watch and he didn’t wear them ever since.
He suffered from headache and giddiness again. He started to write a letter the next midnight. There were about 3882 Chinese words in total and he rewrote them nicely into new papers. It took him more than 12 hours till evening to finish it.
The letter didn’t touch her; at least she didn’t show her feeling. She even lied to him that she had a boyfriend since secondary 1.
He signed up for 6 events in the swimming meet knowing that he didn’t have the stamina; he wanted so much to attract her attention. He even bought CDs of her favorite singer and he hated him out of jealousy.
There was a night when his friend died, he tried to contact her but he couldn’t get through her line. He continued to call her every 2 to 3 minutes until 4a.m. He gave up, feeling upset and betrayed. He was the first guy to phone her after midnight before he told his friends about it.
He lost hopes in his life and he even wanted to quit the volleyball team. He didn’t keep his words in the letter he wrote for Felicia because he didn’t want to let his teammates down. He felt guilty.
He gave his senior Felicia’s address when he was requested in IRC. A girl and his good friend scolded him silly and dumb, since then he changed his nick to SiLlYDuMb.
He stopped calling her before the midyear examination in order not to distract her.
There was once when his mathematics teacher confiscated his file that held Felicia’s scanned picture. He was panicked. He forced himself to finish his homework in order to redeem the file back.
His brother suspected him soon because of the spreading rumors; his English teacher was tricked to tell the truth.
He couldn’t help writing more letters for her. He wrote them short yet mushy. He even tried on English letter even though his English sucks.
He phoned her a few times but she treated him cold. He even tried to get friends to call in to radio station to delegate songs for Felicia. His efforts lay in vain and nobody would ever recognize it.
He was living in miserable and the discovery of his classmates’ fond for Felicia added to his pain. They pretended to help him but behind the encouragement hid the lies.
His good friend helped him to scan Felicia’s photos. He even handed in blank paper for a test. He didn’t feel pressurize for the coming final year examination.
He bought a puzzle for Felicia’s birthday and he started to fix it up when he got home. He finished it at noon the next day without sleeping. He had some lost pieces and they took him so much trouble to go back to the shop twice again.
He completely didn’t contact Felicia by then because he realized he was pestering her all along. He made efforts to pass her the birthday present in the December holidays. Since then, he promised himself that he wouldn’t make her feel pestered again.
He didn’t forget her. He wanted so much to apologize to her face to face, but he didn’t have the chance and courage.