她不晓得我.爱她

她不晓得我在忙些什么,
只督促我要开始为生活奋斗。
我欢喜又哀伤,
因为她的关心似乎盖不过她的不了解。

她不知我早已有了开始,
而辛苦时总会想着要继续为她努力。
我却早已明白一切已晚,
也不再期盼。

因为我不曾拥有,我不怕会失去 ,
而朋友间就能显得更尖酸刻薄。
她永远也不会晓得,
就让她继续这样快乐下去。

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Getting Back on Feet for a Day

[Wednesday, 4 August, 2010]

The usual deep pondering caused my head spinning. I tried to break the record by going to bed before 1am since I knew it was going to be a boring morning in the internet but my mind refused to stop working. It took two hours for me to give up and start booting up my laptop.

A moment of frustration hit me hard to wake me up. For the past month, I had been strangling myself with greed that had slowed me down too much. I was never in mood for anything. I hated the fact that history always repeated itself.

I started warming up my engine and slowly sped off with blogging, website editing, clearing up my desktop and even uploading of old pending photos. Updating my portfolio with the Chinese poems was a pain in my ass. I realised I had not been adding the new ones for years and it seemed that I did not keep the new ones properly inside my poem files. I exhausted myself but I refused to stop until 7am. I did not feel like going to bed just like having a strike.

Zaki rang me up at around 11am and he guessed well that I was still in the mid of my sleep. He verbally answered to the email I sent him in the morning that our gang was not going overseas anymore for the upcoming long weekend, and he also asked if I knew how to fix router. I went back to sleep and woke up after 1pm.

It was a big struggle to keep my mind focused. I tried hard not to think of catching a movie. The concentration into web design did me well though my mind did wander off some times. The work lasted till late night before I emailed shifu guiltily after the long delay of work with the temporary location in my webhost.

The confession from Vanessa stating she used to be scared of me haunted me throughout the day. The claim was that I was too sharp. I began to reflect on myself for how many tales I had exposed in the past that had drawn people away. I was probably being too harsh to myself. Nevertheless, it was good to be different from hypocrites and only unique people would appreciate.

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Crappy Mood, Crappy Dreams

[Saturday, 31 July, 2010]

I was in a crappy mood again. After a game of Condition Zero, I started composing a Chinese poem with the inspiration. I finished and went to bed at 4am.

It was as per normal for the past few weeks, weird dream got into my sleep again. It seemed that my family had moved to a new flat or we had renovation in a different house. My dad was alive and he shared a room with my mum, while my younger brother and I took another, and I finally had a proper space to sleep and a normal desk to work on inside the room. I was not sure if the dreams were linked, but I went into the army and was put on course again. While going through a practical test at a flat, the owner had some figures lay in front of him. Just as I asked him about the figure of a weird four-legged animal, it turned into real and started attacking my feet. It was as pain as what the stupid flown away green parrot did to me last time. Everyone remained calm as it was kind of a test for me. I woke up after being attacked a few times.

It was around 10am again and I really hated waking up with my chest stuffed due to getting upset in dreams. Dreams probably reflected on feeling well. I got up to start my system and tried to do some work. It was a morning of disaster when I realised the poem I did before going to bed was only saved during halfway. I could have clicked the wrong button to select “no” to saving the work after I closed the word document file. After making big attempts to recall what I had written originally, I started dozing off again as I took rest on the mattress and finally got up at around 2pm.

It was an absolutely boring afternoon. The television distracted me badly as usual in the evening.

Traffic for SmokeForWhat dropped. Even though I knew well it could never be consistently staying at peak since I could not expect many people to surf about smoking related stuffs everyday, it was still pretty disappointing.

.

我累了

看清了这世界,
看透了虚伪和放荡。
我注重的、珍惜的,
并不是每个人都在乎的。

这现实太繁杂,
而我又敌不过倔强与堕落。
我停了一口气,
这地球还是在转动。

生态一天天地被污染,
人心也一样。
这是一种疾病,
渐渐地摧毁着生命。

我累了。
我累了。
我累了。
我累了。

Thursday, 19 November, 2009

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谢谢你

谢谢你选择离开我的视线,
让我能渐渐地把你忘掉。
忘了你的可爱、忘了你身躯的摆动、
也忘了你对我的玩弄。

我会慢慢地失去对你的担忧,
因为人始终会清醒,
明白世界是虚伪的,
而有些人是改变不了的。

你的爱情只是一种游戏,
在人群中留下无情的回忆。
你的生命只有疑惑,
因为你搞不清谁是真假。

记得我对你的好,
承认你的叛逆。
在你哀伤时,
回味你曾幸福过。

Wednesday, 18 November, 2009

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