I’ve been throwing money in taxis, for timings which I should be able to make, but due to indecisiveness, I didn’t. All these money could be donated instead. I feel sinned and I really hate myself.

I haven’t been spending my time properly. I made wrong decisions. I don’t care how others think of me as a boring person, I just refuse to smoke, drink and gamble. My dad used to love these and I’m not going to follow his footsteps, not even to play during festivals for the sake of fun – I’d never start in things which can be addictive. And as for drinking, I’ve been refusing to drink during all gatherings including birthday parties. I’d never be foolish for girls again.

I hadn’t been so troubled for long until this day when my posting was out. I don’t deserve to be ranked seventh in the course and I don’t have the ability to teach others of things which I have so much doubts in. I don’t want to stay on. Everything’s good about Signal Institute especially the people. But I’ve been struggling so far all for my dream, the main source of my motivation to survive, which is to play volleyball for SAFSA. The game is my passion and the main objection is to escape from camp for months like my buddies. Then I’d have time to do self studying, or even to gain some web design experience.