These days I rot and rot, for things not within my control. The world is wide while my knowledge is shallow. I fail to anticipate for the unexpected; each time I set my mind off for a better day ahead, the clouds turn dark. Rain or shine, the worst always comes in.
It has come to a point of time that I almost turn berserk. I’m numbed by the outbreaks of insanity, too cold to feel anything. I’ve lost my ability to react to the wilds and unrest, and soon, the skill to survive.
I’m drifting away too far from each of my friends, especially those who I’ve braved through rain and storm with. Each of them has their own life by then, with their blossom friends or girlfriends-soon-to-be. Few have the intention to get back again. There have been too much that I’ve done, at least within my little influence.
I no longer have the enthusiasm to step into the community centre anymore. Sundays are wasted again and again although I’ve been complaining about lack of time to finish up my personal work. I’m sick of child-play games. It’s such a shame that everytime we don’t even have twelve men to have a serious set of game. I’ve problems playing with girls and outsiders on the same side of court.
Before we tear down the net, some of the people have already left. I hate this type of commitment. If this is the kind of lifestyle everyone is looking forward to, I need a long period of time to adjust my mindset. Before I succeed in tuning myself, I might have changed my priority of life.
I prefer going to the beach most of the time with the reluctant number of people we’ve now. However, we always disperse. I never get what I want. I try to get only a small number of people, they prefer to go back to the community centre instead. Then, the outsiders disappoint me the second time and this time we pathetically have to call off the day.