Totally burnt out, depressed and devastated

I’m so worn out and my most inner soul is burnt. I haven’t come to this depressed state that I feel as if I’m going to break down any moment.

Maybe I’ve been too happy-go-lucky these days that I put myself together when the problem arouses. It’s the greatest setback after so long. I’ve tried my best; I’m so devastated of my energy.

This morning, the greatest thing was to see Staff Quek at the Spec Mess. He was finally back after such a long holidays and I believed everything would be back to order. Also, he would most probably help me in my volleyball invasion.

Yes he did after I told him roughly about it and he helped me sign the off pass immediately and I gladly left the camp and even caught the bus 927 right on time at the interchange. Everything was going smoothly before 007 called me and I’d to alight at the end of expressway and take another two buses to get back to camp.

007 was nowhere to be found and I went down to have a chat with Staff Quek and he promised to help me. I was already prepared to face the music, too used to it, being reasonable or unreasonable, camp’s life sucked like that. However, my main concern was whether I could continue with the game a not.

The cause of missing a training session was far too great for I hadn’t trained for so long. I needed so much more practises to recap all the skill and also to build back all my confidence that was really important.

At least 007 didn’t scream at me. Together with Staff Quek, we’d a long talk and finally came to an agreement that I’d to get a memo from the MO or physiotherapist to prove my physical condition was able to make it.

I made a call to MMI to look for Kenneth and he told me Ms Archana was on two weeks overseas leave. Whereas the MO who had refused to write the memo some weeks ago was on leave for a day too.

It was a moment of helpless, where even the immoral didn’t seem to be able to help. I approached many people, like the warrant officer in charge of the formation team who couldn’t do anything.

It was near the end of world. The depression had brought my months of smiley face back to the grave. My hope, dream and fantasize were on the edge of execution.

CPT Phua had a talk with me but my mouth was frozen by then. There were too many things to say, however, too voiceless to sound out.

This day, I was too tired of everything – smiling, laughing and joking – but I couldn’t give up.

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