Give and take – dumb shit

This is my only drive in the army; it’s been keeping me going for more than a year that I’m still staying sane.

Now that I’m trying so hard to fight for my right, but it seems like setting new paths at the dead end. This is a depressive route, yet, I’ve never given up.

What lie after failure are endless degeneration and rebellion; I’d never be the same again. To some people, this is a disaster, but if you think in another way, it’s just being fair to myself that I’m not going to ill-treat myself anymore.

Even if I were able to make it, there’re more challenges ahead. I’ve to push myself beyond limit to counter my strengthless body; I’ve to strain my mind and press myself to recall all the lost skill; I still have to stay focused and resist all the bad factors – lighting, friction etc.

For now, I might be able to play in a few matches; I’ll be called upon when I’m needed in the more crucial ones. This is a way to “protect” me and to allow my ability to help the team out.

At least, this is the best I can have now, though it’s crappy. I don’t know how I’m going to cooperate with them when we haven’t even played a proper game together; and without even the “training” against the weaker teams, I doubt I can release my full potential; who’s going to save the ball when it’s in the middle?

Life’s dumb. There’s too lack of compassion everywhere. Even if you’re doing your best to help others, they might not appreciate; they can never be as nice as you treat them.

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