It’s always sad to recall about the past but it’s a must in order to be able to do reflection – to correct mistake as well as not to let history repeat itself.

Year 2005 is the worst year I’ve ever had.

Army had totally screwed up my life. From injuries to doubt of indignity, life was never as bad as this. Alas, I was blessed to have the chance to learn driving as well as to go overseas to ROC (Taiwan), which had allowed me to gain more knowledge. The cruelty had also enlightened me over several things in life. The most fortunate gift was the befriending of so many buddies in camp who were always so concern about me.

I was sinned; I hadn’t been spending enough time with my friends. From my ex-classmates to my ex-platoon-mates, I’d failed to fork out time to even chat online with them. Many of them had eventually drawn a distance away from me, even the once closest friends didn’t bother. Year 2005 was the loneliest year I’d ever spent; even my birthday was an ignored day. I’d been keeping myself occupied with my personal stuffs and also the television set; none would have believed this, since everyone still assumed I was blessed with girls.

I’d been looking at babes and yet my courage level hadn’t improved much. It wasn’t that someone was watching over me, but somehow all my female friends were bringing my confidence down. None would ever want to go out with me, making the imaginary horns on my head grow bigger.

I didn’t have many chances to play volleyball. At the beginning of year, there were trainings of Yew Tee CSC at Unity Secondary school and Jianhui kindly invited us down, however, it didn’t last long. I managed to step into BMCC a few times but the attendance wasn’t good since everyone had their own events. Beach was rare as well and most of the times, I went down in small groups, which was quite hurting when compared to the past. At the end of the year, when the army’s volleyball started, I faced so many problems in the participation, which lasted over the year.

Financially, I was blessed as well with the little income of $450 each month, which they called it “allowance”. But since I’d to travel everyday, expense was high and I couldn’t manage to save up a lot to prepare for jobless period after ORD. I’d been spending more than usual with my friends during outings. Foods were the robbers. I hesitated to take up civilian driving license even though I’d experience in driving and was supposedly able to pass easier, because I couldn’t even afford a car and wasn’t lucky like other friends who had family car.

I’d been neglecting my personal website a lot. I spent most of my time on my journal ever since I realised the need to write down things for my extremely poor memory due to bad incidents in camp. Creativeness was lesser as time and moods didn’t permit. There’d been too many things I wanted to accomplish but failed to. Dreams were too far away.

Year 2005 – I hate it.