Something's wrong

I don’t know why I’m feeling sad and moody for the whole day, especially when I’m alone.

Maybe I’m very tired in spite of dozing off as early as nine plus last night.

My chest is stuffy. I really wish to know why but there is seriously nothing wrong.

Maybe it is because there are too many things that I have not done – my work. I must have slacked too much this few days, chatting online. I need to quit soon.

If my work keeps piling up, I’m going to get worse. I need to finish up all the uncompleted diary entries too before I start to forget about them.

I even owe Gilbert the photos taken on Sunday after the swim at Jurong East, which I also have not uploaded into that journal’s entry.

Perhaps, I have been spending too much time during travelling on a Chinese poem instead. Does it worth it? I usually could settle at least half of the diaries during the journey.

I need to work harder!!

Three swimmers

A little headache I had for the swim on Sunday. Gilbert and Terry were supposed to meet me at Jurong East Swimming Complex at 10pm. Peiyun suddenly called and said she was going with Peisi but suddenly they changed their minds.

We went to Boonlay instead as Gilbert want to go for his crazy shopping at Jurong Point with his PacNet privilege card; however the shops were not open yet. So, we went to MacDonald’s to have breakfast where we were eyeing the cute part-timer who was tasked to clear all the tables. Apart from her pony tails, her eyes made her so unique from other girls.

Gilbert was mad when the shops were opened. He abandoned us on his electrifying footsteps and so many times we lost track of him for a moment until we reached the desired shops. He was so auntie-like that he could not afford to waste the chance to get cheaper stuffs with discounts, even to know that the shops eventually gained more from his purchasing.

We took bus 198 to Jurong East Swimming Complex. Three was a small company and they did not want to rent a float this time. We toured the Lazy Pool a round and then moved to the Wave Pool when the hourly waves started. At times, I almost could not make it back since I was gasping badly for breathe every time I exerted.

There were a few pairs of couples with sweet girls. The place was quite “dark” with the people and the water was yellowish, which was the worst that I had ever seen. We moved on to the Olympic size pool and I realised Terry was extremely slow in his strokes. Gilbert refused to demonstrate the Butterfly stroke no matter how much threat I gave him, insisting that he did not want to be AS (attention seeker) in public pool.

Terry and I had so much fun at the yellow slide. We were making stupid studies on how to secure a smooth landing into the water; my nose was splashed by the water so many times that I almost lost my conscious. Then, I tried to reduce the speed of me dropping by pressing at the inner part of the slide, but it did not work and instead, almost caused cramps.

As we brought Gilbert from the Wave pool back to the Lazy pool, I tried to be funny by swimming against the current and my left toes cramped. I spent quite a long time to recuperate inside the “cave”, where we watched couples moving past. One of the babes was lying face-up on the big round float and her boyfriend jumped onto her facing downwards; they went a few rounds in that position, which was quite awful.

As the dark clouds approached, I gave in to the hungry Gilbert who wanted to leave. This swim was not very fruitful for I could not find my “girlfriend” and it was quite boring with only three guys.

We took a train to Jurong East, thinking of going IMM after eating at the nearby hawker centre. I had a big plate of western food for five bucks and then we went to the pasar malan. I wanted to get a sling bag for $18 but was not sure if I could find a better one. In the end, I bought some paper CD casing at the Popular whereas Gilbert did no get anything.

And then it drags on again

With so much hope, I brought them along to the hospital on Friday. I knew my MRI report was out already and I thought I was going to be downgraded soon, but I had never expected for the worse.

It was not that bad afterall, just that it was dragged again. The specialist was majored in bone problems and since it was not slip disc, but another thing (I seriously do not know the term) which was pressing on my nerve on the spine also, he referred me to another specialist after scheduling a two-month appointment for me.

As long as my problem could be cured, I did not mind all the troubles but time was running out soon. I could not have another long appointment as I would be out of army soon in about another half year. I also hoped to be downgraded before ORD.

So, the highest priority now is to find the problem to my six years of suffering with my back and solution to solve it, and same goes for my other injuries like the knees and feet. Next, I must be excused from all activities that would worsen my aching like range (can cost me a week of aching), guard duty (more problem to my foot) and carrying of heavy loads. I must get my rightful PES status I deserve – PES C at least.

Currently I have a medical certificate from the specialist to excuse range, guard duty and heavy loads. I hope the coward MO would buy it.

Now or later

I was trying through SMS to get Wei Chuan to join Gilbert, Terry and I to swim later but he did not reply me.

Suddenly, he messaged me in MSN and asked if I were free in the morning. So, I remembered I did not include my name in that message and I thought he had asked Terry about it and was trying to play a fool on me.

I was surprised when he invited me to his church. As I questioned him, I realised he had not read my message. It was some time after he logged off, he replied me that he had finally received it.

M1 – it is getting slower and slower. It has been causing me troubles by the latency during emergency time and worse still, some friends have failed to receive some of my messages. I regret badly to sign up with them years ago for the cheap phone. And now that my contract has ended (actually since last year), I can finally fly away.

I believe in SingTel’s network, but the Starhub’s count-by-second’s privilege is a better grab. I would choose Starhub rather for their prices are almost of same price for corporate rate.

Since I’ve been getting explosion for my bill these months ever since stepping into Signal Institute, I think I really need to get a free incoming call plan soon; however, I want a new number after ORD so that I will not be contacted for the camp’s stuffs and thus I’m at a lost to whether get the line now or during my clear leave period.

It is a decision hard to make, and only if I’m rich I need not bother so much.

Can you not? – No

I believe in finishing tasks before merrying around, especially if superior is showing great kindness, appreciation or leniency.

Since human beings always have differ thoughts from one another, it is difficult to make understand.

“Can you all be more serious and professionalism in your work?” in a jokily tone.

And then here comes the reply…

“Can you don’t go for so many medical appointments?”

They do not rhythm.

If you have been working so hard that you over-exerted yourself and get injuries, is it wrong that you go for treatment?

To those who are selfish and brainless, you are enjoying yourself by leaving camp for the medical appointments. If only attending the appointments are going out to play, then you are blessed. Dream on.

Do you deserve it? Let your heart speak for yourself.

It is difficult to change others’ mindsets, until they experience things themselves. It does not really matter anymore when you are leaving the army soon; you have to get everything solved as soon as possible.

Almost disabled

I could no longer endure on. Wednesday was the run out of camp and then we shifted the furniture in the office. I thought Thursday was finally the day for us to enjoy the little fruit we had harvested but we were tasked early in the morning. Gathering the five sets of computers were quite simple and the moving of two sets across was still bearable, until we were told to clear up the Publication store.

The store was “abandoned” long ago by the previous storemen. There were piles of unwanted papers and files, which needed to be cleared away. There were also plentiful of lunch boxes which I thought was very wasteful to be thrown away but perhaps good for hygienic purpose this way. There was also a big rat who had been housing himself inside.

We were facing this big problem of sorting out between unwanted and useful stuffs. Next was of course manpower’s issue, which we were given our own people who were not supposed to be carrying anything. As for me, the aches and pains at my back and knees told me to stop carrying anything but I still had to.

Half an hour before Chen De announced the stoppage of the work for the day, the aching at my back was almost unbearable. I could hardly move or adjust myself and I was sweating even upon resting. When everyone was ready to leave, I went back to the office and lay down on the floor. Sleepiness caught me.

I was almost a disabled person.

When MMI fails

I’m extremely disappointed in MMI (Military Medical Institute). Two days ago, the new guy called and cancelled my appointment once again. I raised my voice instantly because that was really outrageous but I managed to cool down somehow.

My condition is worsening each day and the aching is tearing me apart soon. There is too little I can do now.

I need to change my place for physiotherapy since MMI is not doing me any good. Miss Archana is experienced and kind but I cannot have the appointments being rescheduled again and again. I love chatting with Kenneth too and he gladly helped me with things. MMI can be a better place for injured personnel but not for the moment.

I’m quite near to ORD date and time just does not permit me to waste my chance anymore. After that, I will have to pay for my own medical fee. Thus I have to fix everything before the date.

New LAN shop

Quek has this insane idea of revamping the office into a “LAN shop”. It is going to be very cool!

We did most of the shifting just now, after I kept hurrying them to start work. I was so excited because it would not only create a new ambience to improve moods, but also aid in clearing up the whole room especially to with the reduction of dust. Everyone was working hard with enthusiasm.

The good things about the new arrangement is such that the computers can be connected together to share the internet network. More computers will be shifted to the room and thus more people can be using them at the same time. The most crucial benefit is that there will be a higher chance of an available computer for real office work. (Usually the two computers will be occupied by them to play game or surf internet)

However, I foresee a worse working attitude in future when everyone is toying around. Who is there to work when everyone is heavily engrossed in their own games? The worst thing is when 007 goes into the office, I do not know what will happen.

Sorry doesn't mean everything

I hate to be taken for granted by friends; it is one of the saddest things on earth to try to be kind to someone who are always trying to make use of you.

Often, I can go all out to help if you give in your best as well and not coming back just like a refugee camp; willingness to sacrifice is what really needed between humans to build up bonds and trust.

What can become a joke is when you keep thinking you are magnanimous and respectable, but never do any self soul-searching. The obvious attitudes from others towards you are clueless to you.

You can say sorry repeatedly but you never want to change. No matter how ignorant I am, I can sense the scheme somehow. Once or twice are okay but if it is more, I will never buy that again.

If you think you can bury every sin you have done by just apologising to yourself or something else at the end of day, something must be really wrong with your brain. I doubt I’m able to communicate with you.

Kill a person and say sorry to the honour at the court – does this work?

Or perhaps, you think you can atone for everything just by offering a little help sometimes when you are totally relaxed because you have not been doing anything, or even just some nice sweet words.

If you cannot differentiate between guiltiness and helpfulness, you are always welcomed to the outcast club.

Blackie strikes again

Last friday, into the main office…

Me: Where’s everyone?

Kuku: Oh they left for late lunch.

Me: Oh ya, you told me Joo Joo has key tags right?

Kuku: Yes, but they are for the STC building.

Me: (Damn.. that day he told me I could get them for my building, else I would have asked Joo Joo to indent some with the spared budget he annouced and now it’s too late to ask for it)

Me: Okay..

Kuku: But if you want, just tell me the number and I will ask Joo Joo to get them.

Me: I thought the budget was given to other departments already after the deadline he gave us?

Kuku: Don’t worry, Joo Joo has high power; he has the say to get anything. He has other funds.

Me: Okay then, help me to ask him okay? My building has many rooms’ key tags spoiled already.

Kuku: Okay, we will get those rubber ones… -Blahblahblah- … -Blah-.

Me: (Whatever. As long as I can get the key tags)

Kuku: The army will never give your Quek so much power because he’s always having fever.

Me: (Ya ya.. he means Quek is always “Chao keng”)

Me: Falling sick isn’t a crime right?

Kuku: I love Reuben Ow. He last time guided me when I first came here. -BLAHBLAHBLAH- But don’t know why he suddenly kept getting MC also.

Me: (So much bullshit.. how to get away from the conversation?)

KuKu: Did Quek go to your office yesterday?

Me: (Fuck.. what is he up to?)

Me: Oh ya, he went for course yesterday at STC

Kuku: BULLSHIT!! (very loudly)

Kuku: He left after the break. I wanted to learn it and that was why I stayed through the whole course until end of day.

Me: (So he’s just trying to shoot at Quek)

Me: But yesterday we were still calling him over the phone to settle stuffs over our side. He was able to know what equipments we had and then give instructions. Everything was done smoothly by him.

Kuku: But that doesn’t mean he can just do that.

Me: Okay, I got to go back already.