There is this urge too enormous to own my own house. I love my own freedom, to do things at my own pace and own time. Things are really restricted now and I feel jailed sometimes.
I love my own privacy to type my own stuffs with countless draft work, each with small improvement until satisfactory is made and I cannot stand people gaze at my incomplete work; I really need a personal working space, where not an ultra big fish tank disgustingly located, where junks were not underneath and the height was comfortable enough.
I have this ultra allergy nose that doctors claim has been affecting my eyes; I should not stay in a place that looks like junks with things thrown everywhere. Every disorderly spoils my creativity and inspiration.
I want to pack my cupboards to organise things properly but whenever I can fork out time or have the urge or energy to do it, the couple occupy the room and my self conscience tells me not to disturb.
I need a cosy sleeping area, at least a clean mattress that I can rest my injured back on; for so much time each person has to spend on sleeping, I am lying on a single size mattress that one fifth of it has to be folded in order to fill the small area besides the bed, that legs always rubbed on. I have a mum who keeps ignoring the fact that I want to change the wrapping cloth of the mattress.
Imagine you stay in a house with only two rooms. Your elder brother takes the first room with his girlfriend and your younger brother’s friends come in big group at ten plus at night, take the second room and start to create chaos with the monopoly game. Your clothes are inside the first room but you cannot go in since you do not know what they are doing inside nor you want to disturb them and you have not even bathed. You cannot go into the second room to rest when you are sick and on medicine which cause drowsiness with the party going on. The crowd even includes one auntie who is as old as your mum.
Do you think it is stupid to go to your friend’s house to make merry at late hour inside his parent’s room where his sibling shares it as well? If your friend has a big house, or at least has his own room then it is fine and go ahead and fuck around and have orgasm there.
Last night, I almost had to lay a small cloth to sleep in the ultimately messy living room but luckily my elder brother’s girlfriend left home around midnight. I was then able to go in and sleep on top of the double-decker bed.
This night, she is not leaving and until I realise it, I know I should have gone in earlier to retrieve just a piece of my shirt so that I do not need to sleep inside the freezing air conditioned room without clothes on in my flu.
Soon, I really need to move. Be it a small flat or what, at least a place where I need no suffer nor lost of my freedom.