[Wednesday, 31 May, 2006]

I almost broke down totally when I received the bad news from her; having a total blank in my brain, I was speechless.

At first she listed down a number of days she was free on and then suddenly she had a rehearsal on this day. As the rehearsal was cancelled, I had been living to wait for this day so eagerly; it was the elixir to my suffering these days.

I was all excited for we would be enjoying the whole day together until she suddenly told me she had some medical appointments. It was just like dreams being tarnished and I almost died heart-aching.

I must be too crazy that I could not control my emotion. Often I wondered if I had devoted too much and the phobia haunted me over and over again.

I was not a good boyfriend.

I spent too much time on my first ex that I went to see her home everyday after her school and that she gave up the relationship just because she “did not want a boyfriend”; as for my last ex, I tried not to show so much craziness and she most probably thought I did not care about her and thus got her friend to hint me for a break-up.

I could never strike a balance.

This time, I am falling in too much that I stress myself often and expect too much from the relationship even though we are facing so many obstacles.