The urge to leave

I did not know what has gotten into me that although I slept early the night before, I still felt tired for the whole day.

Was it because it was another day in camp?

Camp sucked. No matter how life had differed and improved from in the past when nobody like Shep had taken notice at fairness issue, though she had over-reacted often. It was less than five months to go before ORD, life still somehow not up to my ideal one.

If I were to compare myself with friends from other active units, they went for exercises and had more physical training. They would most probably be very envious of my work, but they certainly had gained more fun, muscles and friendship; some of them were even free by now and slacking all the way having coffee breaks everyday. For me, I was not sure when I could get out of the place I would call hell how long before the actual ORD date.

So, what was I displeased with other than just a few cocky assholes in the camp?

Whenever I passed by Kenny, Warrant Sundra, Captain Phua and others, they made me smile so happily. That was not enough.

The phobia in doing things was still around and had around for more than a month already. I had been feeling lost so often.

As everyone got closer and happier by playing games together, another problem was created. Who would be doing the work? So, it was either to join in the fun or to find something else to do outside the place.

I was not sure why calls were often meant for me and everyone got lazier when there were things to do. So, in times of emergency, there were always requirements to solve things by oneself.

Was it my dream to get away since beginning? Why did I almost lose the chance?

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