[Sunday, 04 June, 2006]
I am quite sure Peh was joking just now in MSN, but I need to clarify about things.
I have stopped organising outings a long time ago, before falling for her; it starts with my serious cough, nose irritation and injured finger numerous months ago. Camp’s life has been hectic sometimes as well and that I have my own stuffs to do, thus not free to do anything at night. There are also various groups of friends which I am very keen to get together with, but there are just too many of them, thus I become indecisive each time. The main reason, however, is the lack of commitment from friends.
How many of you guys are not involved with more than a group of friends? Are you certain that you will be free for more than half of the times I ask you out? I have done it so many times and things do not work out in the end to waste my efforts.
Everytime in a group outing, there are bounced to be latecomers and most of the time it will stretch to more than an hour of waiting, up to three hours as well. Why is it that you want considerate people to wait there aimlessly for you while you have your own comfortable rest at home?
There are many activities people do not want to be involved in; some hate the sun, some hate the distant and some like me (but I do sacrifice at times), cannot bear heavy cost.
I have been very disappointed with these issues.
Why me then? Why cannot you organise events? Is it fair for me to be the one who always take up all the troubles and time, and even bringing down of my pride to persuade people to join in the fun?
I have been trying hard to meet up with every friend. I know I have to do something still but injuries, fatigue and disappointments are picking on me. The next outing I have to organise is for my ex NP classmates for the promise to David Francis, my ex mentor. It would be done before October undoubtedly.
It is not for my Vivi that I am not free to go out at all; I am staying at home most of the days doing my usual stuffs. True enough, there is restriction to the date which I can afford to spend with friends due to her; I always put her in first thought before deciding whether I can be free. I have to; she is the one I am going to spend with for the rest of my life and that we have not cured the disease to the urge to see each other often, and most of all we are facing serious difficulties to meet each other.
I missed a Pot Luck session with my ex GESS team-mates and juniors recently because both Vivi and I were almost in a state of depression when things cocked up that we really needed to accompany each other. Partly, I was sure my presence would not make a big difference since somehow I was the last to be informed of events sometimes and that my ex team-mates who had been with me for about ten years would understand my situation.
I do not mind, and would be extremely happy, to bring her along during outings; I do not mind being teased. Both of us want to get involved in each other’s circles of friends but she is too tight on her time due to some problems and commitments that we cannot even hang out long together; I cannot probably organise an outing and leave the group just after one or two hours.
As for a volleyball session at Unity Secondary on one Sunday, I did not go because I had promised Fatty Si to the Zoo outing before I was informed of it; that was a pierce due to my craving for volleyball. Followed by the meeting up with my ex NP friends, I did not hesitate to say yes though I was late. Anqi asked me to organise a beach outing but I rejected it because I was terribly tired of it but would definitely be free if someone else were to organise it. As for the gathering suggested by Kailin a few days ago and the volleyball game at BMCC today proposed by Tze Khit, I was extremely delighted to agree immediately but they were cancelled because many people were not free.
Please give in deeper thoughts because you start to make any accusation though I have been spouting nonsense to try to irritate my friends; I do not mind jokes but I really hope none of my friends would misunderstand me.
I would undoubtedly appreciate for the understanding from my friends and would definitely try my best to do anything I can, because every friend is seeded a place in my heart after the years of struggling together. It is just that I have found the person who is most worthy of my sacrifice for and that I have to start planning for my future career.