I doubt my own conscience

[Tuesday, 11 July, 2006]

I searched my soul for a clear conscience but to realise sometimes I could not help going against my own principles.

I was overjoyed to be given a chance to see Shep for interview; but it was not as simple as what I had thought.

I was told to fill in the lines with fake sentences for around seven interview entries. They were supposed to be filled out by the person who was interviewing me and that every couple of months it should be done.

I did not know why I had not been interviewed for the past year after the one and only time when I first came. There were two extra entries which I had not seen before, which were obviously being drafted up by someone without my knowledge.

I remembered asking Shep for an interview when she first came as the stress and cruelty of the place had ruthlessly deprived me of my freedom and cheerfulness, but she declined my request to seek redress. In fact, to the best of my knowledge, superior was supposed to grant an interview upon requested, but sadly, I was not entertained.

Imagine if I were given the interviews regularly for the past year and that anyone from the higher level was to read it (which they should be), many dark secrets would eventually be unfold and that our unfair treatments would definitely be eased. The stories to the cold-blooded medical officer and the physical abuse to the medically unfit people be raised and redressed.

This time, my job was to fill up the incomplete entries, obviously with only good points about the welfare throughout my stay, which I had to tell lies. With millions of unwillingness, I lied on the booklet to cover up for the loopholes of the creatures; I would not want to create any problem when I was just about to end my service term and that I did not want to trouble Shep.

To sum up, I was not given interview when it was very necessary despite my request, someone had forged the interview with me twice, I was not given the supposed-to-be once every couple of month’s interviews and I was being told to draft up the interview contents myself with good words.

The organisation had once again proven me the darkness of humanity era.

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