I don’t know exactly why but I’m losing my confidence once again since end of last year. I’m totally disgusted with my judgements sometimes and at times I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m stubborn in a stupid way which causes problems to me and nobody ever recognises my efforts.
Perhaps, one of the main reasons to the depression is when I try to treat someone well everything turns out to be a waste or even a disgusting act. I’m afraid of being rejected. It’s directly stopping me from doing things such that I dare not even offer my help sometimes.
I discover big problems with my life. If you know me well enough, you should know that I’m very easygoing in a wrong way that I don’t like to decide on anything or perhaps can’t decide at all – some people call this indecisive. I don’t know the number of people I have freaked out. I probably seem weak to most people – yes, I’m a nothing till now.
Am I being wrong all these years? How am I going to survive in this world with my thinking? Is honesty, devotion and suffer in silence enough to fill the stomach?
Everyone has eventually grown mature but I’m still not moving on with my life. I’m seriously deprived of skill, knowledge, self-esteem, confidence and even enthusiasm.
I’m no longer as noisy as in the past and I have lost every single interest to complete with others; and I know well that without competition, it leads to no improvement and that is why I’m lagging behind. I feel so inferior to everyone.
I have lost so much over the years, and even myself. Every single reflection I do I don’t make it a point to correct them.