Finally, I made my footsteps on Marina South Pier once again. It was one day after my swim with Gilbert, on this evening which I woke up from nap.
Marina South Pier was the place where my ex colleagues and I used to jog to after work once or twice every week. The cooling and quiet place reserved the greatest tranquillity.
It was all about memories of the hardworking team of people, helping each other in the midst of their own work, sacrificing and contributing own leisure time. It was about able to do the right thing at the right time but not at the wrong place.
It is only after I leave the place, I realise sometimes I cannot do the right things. It is the people that matter the most after all. I just hope there will be another dream team working with me in future.
I finally got to swim again with Gilbert once again.
I seemed to have gotten back to the old bad habit of sleeping early that I almost got to see daylight before I kissed the bed. Thus, I could not get up in time and Gilbert’s morning call was half an hour late.
I was near to lose memory and eventually forgot to bring my swimming goggle along. I actually had experience of forgetting to bring swimming trunk along. Anyway, I called Gilbert for help when I was at the MRT station.
We met up at Ang Mo Kio Central. There was Mediacorp’s filming going on. It took us some time to figure out Zheng Ge Ping and Zhen Shi Mei were the stars. Just as I was hoping to see some familiar faces, I saw the cute PA who helped out in 手足 (Shou Zu) part one and two. I did not know her name since I got it confused with the AP. I did not go over since she probably could not remember me.
After Gilbert got a new goggle from Sportslink, we went back to the spot and practised the Singaporeans’ “kay poh” hobby again for a while before we left for the swimming pool. The sky turned grey slowly and until we finished the eighteenth lap with lots of pauses in between, we saw lightning and gave up the last two laps.
Lunch was at the Ang Mo Kio Hub’s food court. It was the first time I took chicken chop with spaghetti instead of my favourite French fries because Gilbert insisted it was healthier this way. After a short tour inside the AMK Hub, We got some cheap cute stuff at the Central and went to the Popular Book Shop. I was amazed over some home decoration books, which I would definitely get if I ever got financial stability.
The final destination was the MacDonald’s where I started dozing off.
The holidays have finally started. One week’s break is never enough, but still, better than nothing.
I foresee there will not be much work done though; I’m always slow when there is too much “free” time.
Even though there are many works awaiting for completion, at least, I have the freedom to plan my own time for this week.
Hope I can get to meet up with friends.
So much for the hatred for being sick, it never fails to dwell on me every couple of months.
My body is too weak. I cannot stand cold or take “heaty” food. I’m never as healthy as what you see in appearance. For my average built body, you have to be helpful and responsible in daily chores, including helping old people with carrying of items. It requires more than words can describe, and probably, it all comes naturally. However, the outer is never as important as the inner; being healthy is more important than looking healthy.
Sickness always begins with sore throat and even if I manage to get rid of it in time, flu and fever would reinforce within the next two days. The worst thing is that I do not even know how to take care of myself; I never rest early enough to recuperate and inspiration always excels when I’m not feeling well.
It is my own fault after all. We should never blame parents for giving us poor health and we should never blame government for not reducing the stress level or even blame the weather for being unpredictable and merciless. We answer for our own sufferings.
It is up to every individual to overcome all obstacles, to achieve what we want for our future.
Meeting up with old friends can be quite pressurizing, especially when most of them are soon-to-be or already degree holders. A stable and high income seems so reachable within short period of time. Transportation does not seem to be a problem with the luxury lives.
What I’m left with is just years of ruins after perseverance towards unknown goals, using unplanned tactics. Sometimes I get humiliated by my honesty, with doubts and fears. I do not even know where to head to.
Some friends do give me hopes but it seems like having more choices can slow down a man more, especially choices that do not seem to be realistic, or not visible.
I hate totally not knowing what is going to happen next and I hate being doubted when I’m already doubting it myself.
Why must you prove them that they are right?
Out of so many people, all you can get is me? I have already told you of my stand and taught you what you can do, what is it that you do not understand about? I do not wish to fall off with my old buddies even though we often have different thinking. It is just a few more months that I must survive and I really hope there will not be any crap again.
What you are doing is simply killing me indirectly. If you want me to lead the fight in a war, I will not leave my men alone in the frontier. So this day, I have to struggle with the pain after moving near eighty CPUs to the door and some of the big bulky monitors too. Not to forget I have said I have a long term back injury.
I’m working so quickly because time does not spare me any grant. You simply get me just because I’m more easygoing and helpful, not considering the fact that there are others who can easily leave the place so early while I have to struggle till the end each day and sometimes even have to battle at home.
You leave me being mocked that my helpfulness is retribution, and also carve suspicious into everyone’s silent laughers that I have been kind just for the sake of a bloody machine which you ought to get me since more than three months ago.
I cannot simply yell “Fuck you moron!” to every friend who misunderstand that I’m doing every kind deed just for show and with deep motive. It takes nobody to understand me and to realise how strong my philosophy to aid the needy is. And so, no matter what I’m going to say, it is bloody useless all because of you.
You make me look more like a fool. I’m soft but it only shows to others how simpleminded I am and that anyone can easily con me.
You simply make me want to stay at home everyday to avoid more disasters. You make me want to hide in a corner and switch off all mobile connections so that nothing more will befall me.
The weariness is killing me. I’m both physically and mentally drained. The lack of sleep, lack of relaxation, lack of rest and lack of freedom are suffocating me.
Maybe I’m just too greedy that I want so many things to be done and I want other people’s work to be finished soon as well.
I wish I can sleep continuously for an entire week!
Sometimes, we ought to pity on people who view blindly.
Even if you are not very good with computer, you will not causally judge someone who is sitting in front of the computer as “free and nothing to do” without even looking at the screen at what he is busy with.
We simply live in a world where there are too many shallow people. It is pointless to be angry; moreover, they are probably just passing causal remarks and not doing it on purpose.
We have to learn to live with ridiculous comments.
Determination is one of the greatest attributes to success. We put behind all difficulties and set aside the unwillingness to strife on; we say no to failure and refuse to abide to hardship.
However, in the midst of our struggle, we should learn to realise that dramas are usually fantasizes of human beings, and that not all heroes get what they deserve in real life; we should understand and face the fact that not all determination leads to success to avoid disappointments.
Since being determined does not necessary lead to success, why do we even want to try in the first place?
If we try, we may fail; but if we do not try at all, we are bound to fail. Success due to luck is exceptional and we should never depend on it.
Initially, we need to justify the purpose.
My staying up late each night to finish up works seems heroic. Nobody can stay up till daylight after brain has completed shut down severe times that determination has made miracle; however, having such bad sleeping habit is really harmful to the body, thus, the contradiction.
Sometimes, we do not have a choice.
Anyone has the MP3 file by chance?