Exactly a month ago, I started a draining and impossible journey. It was the riskiest choice ever, which I thought I could make a difference.
The actual day was not the day itself but five days later. I was almost destroyed.
I saw what I truly liked in life.
It could never be but I saw a change in me, for love was too strong. I could accept any stain done in the past for I thought I would be much appreciated than anyone in this world. I believed in creating a better future, which could overwrite everything.
“It takes two hands to clap.”
I could sense things were not going right since beginning; I saw with my heart. I was so sick of words. I believed strongly in “action speaks louder than words” but I received none of them.
Absurd was what I faced almost everyday. I started to expose more lies; I was exposed to the much darker side of the world. I was, however, prepared to persist on.
I realized things that I cherished and valued greatly in life might not be what everyone would care at all. I exploited my principles.
I became depressed and I even got drunk. I lost interest in practically everything and I could not maintain my concentration. I disappointed many people. Nevertheless, I found out the people who really cared and were ready to sacrifice time for me.
I could not let go because I could not stand things going wrong. It was one of my greatest failures in life that I could not make a difference. There was this problem with enlightenment that everyone had to embark on before anything could be corrected, and I was greatly defeated by it, let alone to make changes. I came to light that I was not a saint and was never good enough.
Everything was a challenge to my limit – limit of acceptance of flaws, limit of emotion exploitation, limit of tolerance and limit of physical strength.