One of my favourite Chinese drama shows, which had just ended recently, was Rosy Business. I was quite surprised that Gilbert did catch it as well. The story was based on the olden days of China during the Qing dynasty and I expected not many people would be interested in it. It was mainly about the family of the major rice seller in Wuxi, China. To them, it was not only about profit but the essential of lives of the people, and thus they had to fight against thugs and their evil family members to keep the business going and the price of rice low. I first caught it when I happened to have my dinner at home instead of dining out on a weekend. My curiosity was spiked by the great plot. It was a pity that I had missed out some of the exciting parts where the main characters applied intelligence to overcome problems. The show was not anything like “Huang Fei Hong” or Tom Cruise in “mission impossible”. The hero was not a saint; he made big mistakes and grew mature over times. His loyalty, courage and intelligence were impressive. The usual quote by the hero was “how many ten-years do we have in our lives?” and it clearly reminded everyone not to waste our lives. I know I have been ill-treating myself for the past twenty-plus years. Though I have not produced much result, I have clearly spent most of my entire life racing. I’m been trained not to have lust on food or travelling. I’m losing myself as days go by and soon becoming a zombie. I’m not a smart worker and I’m definitely bad at priority management. I have clearly disappointed many people. I’m never in need of money not because my family is rich but I rarely spend on myself. I’m used to mess around with hunger since polytechnic days. My dad’s last payslip wrote around $1300 before he passed away and my mum spent quite a sum of my dad’s leftovers (CPF and insurance) on renovation of the rundown house, insurance plans that she could not afford, crappy health magnetic mattresses and she even lent a big portion of it to her boss who had been abusing her verbally. One year before I went to the army for national service, I had to start skipping meals after volleyball games. Nobody can understand how much I have been through and thus no one is in the position to judge me. I have to work extra hard because I’m neither a genius nor apple-polisher. There are also some risks that I’m not able to take. I need to do something for my next ten years of life if I can live on.
Ten years ago, my festival celebration usually routed around with my volleyball team. We met up and celebrated via karaoke sessions or dinner. Sometimes, we even stayed overnight at public places like Merlion Park. It seemed that we could no longer return to the fun times when everyone started to have more commitments. I had strayed further away from them since the location of volleyball game shifted. I stayed furthest among them who were all in the west side. Moreover, they knew my interest quite well that I was not into most of the common entertainments – movie, pool, KTV and mahjong etc. The worst thing was that I was not even into appreciation of food. For the past few Christmas, I had been home alone, either spending my time working or being a little kind to myself by playing some games. My younger brother had many good friends while my elder brother stick closely with his girlfriend. My mum had some activities sometimes, otherwise, she would sleep at home. Christmas 2011’s night was a peaceful night for me like usual. I began rewarding myself by uploading some outdated photos into Facebook. I had a surprise when a net friend messaged me in Facebook regarding embedding copyright text on my photos. We began chatting and she suggested calling me through Skype. I was entirely melted by her sweet voice. The thing I enjoyed most was her appreciation for me. In fact, she sounded too nice to be true and I had perhaps met many weird people online to believe that I was lucky. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the one hour of Skype chat. “I wondered if that voice was real; no doubt it was the greatest present ever. The clock ticked as the countdown ended without me knowing for the best Christmas. There was no celebration, except for a wishing – a simple wishing that weighed more than anything and could melt anyone.”
I’m deeply disturbed by the video above. I do not care about how many people are saying “this is just a disruption of the services, give them time to fix it”, because it is not the main point. If you are trapped inside the train some depth below the human race living level, how would you feel? I assume most people are quite sympathetic towards others because human beings are born with kind nature. If you are thinking that this is just nothing, imagine your love ones are being stuck inside the trains. If you think that is not the worst scenario, visualise your grandparents then. I have come across some comments that the train has backup power that allows up to 45 minutes of ventilation during power failure. Even a kid would know that maximum battery lives would decrease over time – your mobile phone tells you that and your laptop has proven you that as well. What is the capacity of people for the 45 minutes of ventilation being measured? Some creative people may think that this is a once-in-a-fifty-years rare thrilling experience but I think differently. Before you attend Halloween night parties, you know you would be scared. Even if you are going for the roller-coaster ride, you should expect some breathless excitements. You know you will be fine after all. On the other hand, if the train has stopped for some time inside the tunnel and you realise it is getting stuffy with many passengers inside, you do not know if you can live for how more. If you think it can be forever safe in Singapore, the government will not be conducting emergency drills “Northstar”. Singaporeans are already warned about terrorism and scenes will flash through their minds during the lock-down during the train breakdown. You call for help and you receive none, you do not know what is going to happen next and when it is going to end. Most passengers seem to be fine except for around two who have fainted. Still, I expect quite a handful of victims could have developed some phobia after being mentally tortured for hours. All it takes is for the train officers to calm the passengers down and open the doors for ventilation. This society is being drawn a big thick line in between the very rich and the rest of the people. The rich people are managing everyone and they do not understand the rest of the people’s needs. They do not understand the basic needs for survival and the slightest integrity that even the poor people need. We are often powerless to do anything.
Last Thursday, I went to the National Skin Centre for my appointment. Since the nurse at the registration counter told me I would have to wait for at least 45 minutes, I did not fully pay attention to the electrical board. I was reading news on my phone when I heard my name being called. I quickly rushed to the room and was taken aback. The girl sitting at the doctor’s seat was the prettiest doctor I had ever visited. What stunned me most was her body movement for I had not seen such an energetic doctor before. She spoke with accent and swept my soul right and left. I supposed she had just graduated from overseas. I did not even have three hours of sleep but that was probably not the main reason I could not catch her questions sometimes – my English was really bad. My bouncing heart had most likely made things worse. I felt embarrassed that I could not communicate well with her. This illustrates clearly why I cannot get a girlfriend. I like Asian girls who are westernized and hyperactive but I’m very weak in my English language and I have since long ago trained to be very dull due to poor family background. I also crack very cold jokes, which very few people would appreciate. Even though I have been ranting about “chiobu” almost every day, I’m definitely not looking for models as my girlfriend. I focus more on the actions, reactions and elegance of the girl. It is challenging enough for any normal girl to take notice of me. I dare not dream. Though I need someone to take care of me badly right now, I’m more worried about my work.