I have been thinking a lot about friendship over the past few days. I have made many great friends through schools, sports, national service, work and Internet, but my life seems to be empty somehow.
There are many friends whom I trust a lot and I’m prepared to sacrifice for them any time, and there are many who have already benefited from me. I believe in giving rather than receiving but there is always one part of me that is always pinning hope to get something in return; I am not a saint and I just hope to be appreciated.
Friends who have bothered to observe me should at least know that they can trust me fully, whether to keep secrets or to do my best in helping them. I’m proud of myself all these years.
The main doubt I have in mind is whether the friends whom I consider as my best friends would consider me as their best friend as well.
After all these years, how many friends would actually put me in their top 10 friends list?
If a friend has 10 tickets to a show, will I be the eleventh person to be left out of the group?
How would you feel when you assume your buddy would announce you as his buddy until he makes it clear at the most crucial time just some weeks after you have even done him a very great favour that nobody else would probably do? If this is not hurtful enough to you, think about your buddy having you in mind whenever he needs help.
Reality is cruel and most people would never notice little things that you have been doing. You can be nice to your group of friends by saying “yes” to all outing without even questioning “who are going?”, so that the events would proceed. You can always walk at the back to observe everyone to make sure none of your friends feels left out. There are many tiny things you can do help others silently, which none would ever notice.
I have a group of good friends who are willing to send me home by making a big detour despite being tired at night after having a long day; I also have another group of friends who would gather just to celebrate their birthdays and they can even arrange to celebrate belated birthday on my birthday itself. There are different groups of friends I have never wanted to abandon.
But I’m really tired of being the odd-one out whenever someone has to be sacrificed just because I’m easygoing and not ambitious at all. I have to repeat that reality is really cruel because soft people would always be sacrificed. If you are one, your friends would probably feel very sorry towards you but it does not make your life any better. What is the point of saying sorry when you have to repeat it times and times again?
It seems like I need a change in my life and stop bothering about friends since I have not even worked hard enough to improve my own life.