If I ever fall for you, I’ll never let you know;
it doesn’t worth the risk, for we might not be good friend anymore.
During his repeat year in college, he met Alicia in IRC. They hit off extremely well. Maybe it was due to the fact that he was shorter than her; he knew she wouldn’t get the wrong impression.
Alicia was a Malaysian who was schooling in Singapore. She was a friendly girl, unlike many girls in IRC, she wasn’t bitchy or flirty. She didn’t have her self picture to send him, but he didn’t mind.
She told him she wanted to crash into his college to see her crush and he offered help. However she backed out.
Due the fact that he wasn’t planning to stay in his college after the tournament, he had endless time and he chatted a lot with Alicia. However she stopped going online suddenly.
It was during the A division competition when he met her in real life. She was his friends’ primary school classmate and his friend introduced them.
Alicia was pretty and mature looking. Moreover she was soft, which allowed him to tease and joke with. She was never angry with him.
During the day of the last second game for his college, which proven a fatal defeat, he dragged Alicia for dinner with his teammates. Holding on to her bag, she was forced to board the bus with them.
Losing that particular game had made his stay in the college worthless, his dream perished. With the presence of Alicia, atmosphere was less tense. He knew his teammates were sad too, but each of them put on smiles.
Alicia didn’t stay for long and he see her to the MRT station. He didn’t regret forcing her along for he knew they had shortened the distance of awkwardness as friends.
It was during May when they first chatted on phone. He was having a high fever of more than 39 degree. Her voice was sweet, so sweet that he could hardly resist it. That was a lucky night for Alicia seldom stayed in her sister’s house in Singapore.
During June Holidays, they got even closer because of the youth cup. Many times, they met up to go to the sports hall together. There were times when he overslept and was unable to meet his teammates. Somehow Alicia was on the way and they went together. Having close interaction with Alicia, he could no longer withstand her feminine. He knew he was falling more for her each day.
On the second day of his match, Alicia joined him and a few friends for dinner at woodlands. They planned to catch a movie after the meal. It was in the late evening and the show “Pearl Harbor” was a long movie. He hesitated. With the thought of spending more time with Alicia, he agreed.
She was wearing her sexy spaghetti. A male friend offered her an unused shirt and she took it. After knowing that he had an extra jersey with him, Alicia returned the shirt and took his jersey.
It was late after the movie and they rushed off for the last train. He took the train towards west in order to accompany Alicia. He had the urge to send her furthermore but he was already on the last train. She wore his jersey with her.
They started to SMS each other after she alighted. He was amazed when she told him that she would bring his jersey with her on her school trip the next day to keep her warm. Joy and fears circulated his mind for her charm was driving him crazy.
Some days later, they met up to go to the sports hall again. On their way home, she was going to meet her sister and her sister’s boyfriend. She invited him along to have dinner with her.
Alicia’s sister was a head taller than her boyfriend. He was glad; he knew Alicia wouldn’t mind about heights. The fact that she invited him to meet her sister kept him in confusion. She might be treating him as a good friend or she might be hinting to him.
He was in daze again. It was a rare chance to find someone who could tag along well with him. However, his height could get him nowhere. He knew even if he could get her, he might not be able to take criticizes from others. Furthermore she was from good schools and they lived too far apart.
Perhaps, she was always admiring a guy whom she saw in the competition. Nevertheless she seemed very interested in that guy. This was the most important factor that had caused his step down. He knew he had to retaliate against his emotional.
Putting aside his precautious against strangers in IRC, he chatted with Alicia’s idol’s group of friends who went into his channel. They hit off well.
Can’t stop the love, yet can’t face reality;
can’t stop my hurt, yet can’t brave myself up;
can’t see your smile, can’t guess your feeling;
can’t fake out laughter, not when I feel bad.
He started to spill nonsense to her but she was very used to it. He sent her a gross picture that his friend forwarded to him and she repented him as usual. He grabbed the chance and started a cold war with her.
He knew clearly what he was doing. He had to stay away from her in order to forget her. He didn’t want their friendship to end in awkwardness. Instead, he hoped for a happy memory. He didn’t have an alternative. He knew he wasn’t good enough for her and she wasn’t fond of him at all.
He blamed himself for he had only wanted to treat her as friend all along and yet he couldn’t keep himself down. He felt sick on the following day.
Every night filled his pain, for he would never reply her. He felt terrible. Every message she typed hammered his heart.
It lasted less than 2 weeks before he couldn’t take it any longer. He refused to tell her why he ignored her. Everything seemed fine like before but he didn’t pin on any hope. It wasn’t long before he started to regret for ignoring her.
She was isolated from the internet after a few days. She appeared again a few times in the following month. He felt a great distance between them. When she next messaged him in IRC again, it was at the end of the year.
He was stunned. She asked about her idol’s friend who she had fallen for, someone closed to him too. He was enlightened.
She disappeared once again. He tried hard to bring her and her new dream guy together as he wanted her to be happy. He wasn’t a successfully matchmaker.
There was a few times when he happened to look into IRC and saw her in disappointment. She used to message him every time she saw him. Things had changed, but what about his love? He didn’t know either.
His guilt for ignoring her wouldn’t disperse. He tried to date her out a few times but she wasn’t free for him. Maybe he was down on luck, for she had excuses like sprained ankle or friend’s birthday party. Their friendship distanced each day.