她不晓得我.爱她

她不晓得我在忙些什么，
只督促我要开始为生活奋斗。
我欢喜又哀伤，
因为她的关心似乎盖不过她的不了解。
她不知我早已有了开始，
而辛苦时总会想着要继续为她努力。
我却早已明白一切已晚，
也不再期盼。
因为我不曾拥有，我不怕会失去 ，
而朋友间就能显得更尖酸刻薄。
她永远也不会晓得，
就让她继续这样快乐下去。
Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

A Stressful Week

I don’t like to fall sick and I can’t afford to. I’m on my path to strive for my future and this is the route I have chosen, which differs from most people’s.
I don’t have medical leaves that others have. When I’m down, progress slow down and it will take longer for me to get away from poverty.
I know if I were to continue at the current pace, I will eventually do better than average people. I never want to give up not because I’m greedy but for my pride.
I may not be born in a silver spoon but I’m considered quite lucky to earn my experience. I have met worthy friends who have been showing me sincere concern – people who have been nagging at me to find a “proper” job. Though they don’t know my real concerns about my future and they never know I can begin something like now, I’m glad they have filled my life with true friendship.
I’m lucky because I manage to find a mentor who has been guiding me without demanding for any reward, except for a greater breakthrough in my progress. Though sometimes he may not understand the problems I’m facing is more than what he has analysed due to my lack of knowledge, I’m glad that the little skill I manage to absord out of his immortal web knowledge has managed to help me to struggle on.
I’m fighting hard to get things done as a perfectionist when I know clearly I’m still far from my own expectation. I’m not trained as a designer for corporate site nor have I worked as a programmer. I’m not even good in my language to create great contents. There are also administrative stuffs to handle such that I cannot focus on any of the tasks.
This week has been really bad. Having to debug the system means a reverse of progress. It has taken away not only my time but also my brain cells.
Now, I’m at the worst of my health after the stressful days.

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Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

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Mike and I were Criminals for a Few Minutes

Mike and I were crossing Pinnacle Duxton towards the Kopi Tiam on Friday early evening. We saw three policemen talking to a guy from a distance away. Just a few seconds later as we were reaching our destination, we were stopped by the police from behind at the stairs. They requested for our identification cards immediately without telling us what was going on.

Since we were wearing smart causal and our faces were more than pleasant that we hit up well with any stranger soon, it was really weird for us to be checked; moreover, we were empty-handed. Judging from the distance they had tried to catch up with us after they finished the business with the previous guy, they were trying hard to hit a quota before their dinner.

One of them was doing the job of verifying our identification cards by calling back to probably their office while the other two, including a lady, were looking around rather than to chat with us. I thought they could be friendlier and also try to get some feedback from us, rather than treating us as suspects.

I was very delighted to finally witness policemen doing patrolling in Tanjong Pagar like this. I might not have walked around the neighbourhood everyday but it really showed how rare it was because I had already stayed here for over twenty years. Of course, I had met policemen in the neighbourhood before but they were busy doing investigation probably because someone had called to seek their help.

During the period of time, I felt quite awkward because the passers-by might mistake that we had done something illegal. If I were among the policemen, I would definitely try to initiate conversations and smile.

After that, I kept wondering why the policemen were doing their patrolling at such early hour when the sky was still bright. In my opinion, crimes such as robbery would more likely to happen at night. I am very sure that there is no patrolling around Tanjong Pagar Plaza at night because there are still many topless guys sleeping all over the places, such as resident corners.

I hope things will start to improve.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

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Grant Me the Peace

When I’m trying hard to debug some coding till I’m on the verge of collapsing, I really appreciate people to refrain from giving me the stupidest disturbance.

Yet, very often, I’m not granted the peace.

I’m working hard for everyone’s good sake. I do things for multiple good purposes and that is why I have to hesitate often to make clear decisions and push forward.

There are too often that people do not understand a single thing that I’m doing.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

Life is really Fragile

It is not a good start of the year and perhaps it ended really badly last year.

The departure of Kenny was quite a piece of shocking news since he had been a very healthy and energetic. I thought his career was promising. I did not ask around but it seemed to be that he started off with persistent bad cough.

The recent news of Mingen meeting an accident in Thailand proves to me once again how fragile life can be. Initially I thought it was because of his reckless driving but he was actually knocked down by a lorry while walking alone on the pavement in the night. He has survived but on the other hand, he has lost his left eye. I did not usually talk a lot to him but we used to play volleyball and go out together in the past. It was hurtful to watch a loud guy landing in such situation.

Among my FYP team of UOW, we had been mentioning about Jeremy, our lost team-mate, almost every time we contacted each other. He was a very friendly and outgoing guy and our team consisted of friendly guys, and thus we had no clue why he disappeared out of a sudden when things were going smoothly. I organised a meet-up recently more than a year after Jeremy’s sudden disappearance, which was a few days before the FYP submission and presentation. Soon Siong was telling me that he had added someone by the name of Jeremy in Facebook and the person seemed to have updated his account recently. After that night, I went to check the account and realised someone had used his account to post pictures of his tombstone. It was almost half a year after the FYP, he had left us.

I am not sure why I have been making my own life so difficult. I never know how much lifespan I have but I am sure that I need money to survive in order to achieve some of my goals. If I were born in a silver spoon, you would see the improvement in charities clearly.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

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Nanyang Kitchen at People’s Park Complex Food Centre

A visit to Chinatown last evening killed my huge appetite. My family and I went to People’s Park Complex Food Centre for our dinner and my younger brother happened to have a craving for herbal soup. Since I was exhausted from the night cycling half a day ago, I wanted to take some meat. We ordered a bowl of soup and sweet and sour pork rice from the stall “Nanyang Kitchen”.

It was run by China people. The lady was very rude. She forgot about my order after collecting money and made me stand there for very long. My brother had taken our herbal soup away earlier on and left me waiting there alone. Many people who had ordered other food (meat and fish) were served before me.

She thought I was a new customer and tried to take my order again. I told her I was waiting for my sweet and sour pork rice and she started asking her chef to include my dish. Next she told me, “Young man, there are many people waiting for their food, be patient okay? The meat requires a long time to cook.”

Obviously she was in the wrong and I was in fact very polite to her all along. I was very turned off that she tried to hide the fact. Can’t this China lady admit her mistake? I’m a Chinese born in Singapore and it’s obvious I could hear her late instruction for her chef.

I don’t think she’s running an honest business. She overcharged a customer who was sharp enough to expose her. The food tasted quite bad seriously. She was a great foreign talent who was actually quite bad in her mathematics who also reminded me good customer service.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

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