[Sunday, 30 July, 2006]

After my younger brother and mum left the house for lunch, I started a little packing of the house. I was happy later when my elder brother and his girlfriend left as well and I started packing my wardrobe as it was inside the room where they were in.

I placed my sentimental value at the wrong time and did not throw away many things. I had problems sorting out things and especially when the space was so limited that it was just enough to open the doors.

As for the cupboard which I kept the books and stationary, the doors were blocked by my elder brother’s stuffs lying all over the floor. I remembered months ago when we shifted the bed the place was spacious and I was at least able to pack the stuffs inside. It was because his girlfriend had come and I stopped packing halfway. My motivation was overwhelmed by other stuffs and eventually dropped the idea.

I proclaimed I had no time or space to keep my stuffs neat.

My back started aching soon. Apart from packing my own stuffs, I did not stick to a place at a time, but to clear little portion of stuffs everywhere. There were too many things I did not know if I could throw away since almost all of them did not belong to me. I knew if my elder brother were to do it, he would not care the importance at all, and thus the process could be faster.

I was glad when my mum and younger brother were back since there was some stuff which I needed my mum to authenticate before I could throw them away. However, my elder brother and his girlfriend were back after some time and I had to leave the room; not that they would want to chase me away but I did not want to disturb them, nor did I want anyone to look at me do my stuff.

The feeling was terrible when I knew I needed a dust-free house to stop my nose irritation, a neat house to save my inspiration and a house which I could proudly tell everyone it was mine.

Apparently with the back injury worsened by ***, I could not do tedious work at all. I was not sure how long it would take for me to clear up all the mess because there was so little I could do each time. I had wasted a day to abandon my website and self learning plan, and yet so few things were done.

I hated it when people did not believe that I had tried my best to keep my house neat and clean because it was obvious the place was more like a junk. I did keep things organised a few times but someone just clicked the “recovery button” to reset the positions of the junks each time.

There was extremely lack of space for me to keep my stuffs as well when all the places were occupied by useless pots or cookery stuffs, and worst of all, the big fish tank and two smaller empty ones. Weirdly, mothers usually were the ones who packed and kept the houses clean but my mum kept all the old and useless stuffs to make burglars’ jobs harder. Whereas for my elder brother, he was happy enough to rear his creatures without even cleaning the tank, not even to clean the air filter when it was choked badly. The sound of the air plump occasionally irritated me since it was just a few centimetres away from me.

It reminded me of life in camp where nobody would bother to make a better place for others and every time when I was motivated to do something, it was all one-man show, when I alone had not much influence or strength.

Seriously, money could easily solve the entire problem. A bigger house with large spaces could easily satisfy people who did not need to keep junks for the snowy days in Singapore. If I had a room of my own I would have stayed inside all the while.

It was a frustrating day to realise so much work had to be done before I could realise my dream.