Dear Dreams – Page 67

Never Recovered since Months Ago

Last week, I felt very hungry in the office and thus I almost emptied my drawer’s food. I was already not feeling very well; in fact, my health was never in perfect condition since the end of last year.

My lower rib started aching over nothing since last Saturday and it could never be due to the relaxing volleyball game.

The heat increased and eventually I could feel the sore in my throat by Sunday night. The cough was bad and flu started conquering me. I was restless.

I could not allow myself to take medical leave due to work commitments. I had to force myself to recover even at the expense of not taking my medicine for the stomach problem.

For whom deserves it

You never know how tough it is to put away your own stuff to help others while you face greater difficulties to reach out your hands.

I have cleared the path, to exert myself more, for the people who worth all the tiny bits of helps.

Course Advising at Zhenghua Secondary School

Yesterday, I had lunch together with Mei Hoe and Dorothy. I felt the stress at the beginning of the journey for their usual non-stop conversation. We had lunch at IMM foodcourt since my throat was not feeling well. The chicken rice I ordered was very disappointing.

After getting back to office, I left the campus again with Alvin Chan and the two students from QB, Alvin and Rachel. Luckily for them, I would not feel so bored. It was, however, a waste of trip down to Zhenghua Secondary since 98% of all their students could at least make it to polytechnic and thus, most of them were not interested in my beautifully designed brochure. The saddest thing was still about the folding of the brochures by the printing company.

I was surprised to hear the announcement of volleyball training. That was my greatest regret of the day for not asking Wilson earlier so that I could bring my gears along to join them. Alvin Chan sent the three of us to Choa Chu Kang MRT station.

Volleyball at BMSS and Meet-up with Irwin

Saturday morning, I went to Bukit Merah Secondary School for volleyball. Zijun invited me a night before but he only told me the start time on the morning itself and hence I was late for very long. I was quite disappointed that only Haolun turned up and I had to play with others, who were quite immature. I was strolling around in the court. Anyway, I was not used at all and timing sucked totally. In the end, I waited for quit long for Zijun to finish his training and briefing to the students. It ended up that his girlfriend was already waiting at the car park and I could not get to chat much with him.

After reaching home and taking my bath, I went downstairs to meet my mum and younger brother for late lunch. We went to NTUC supermarket for a while before I packed up to go Bugis to meet up with Irwin. We had discussion at TCC before we walked around, played pool and dined at the food centre nearby. Then, we walked to Quay Clarke to continue our chats until midnight.

Waiting for the Eggs to Hatch

The yellow bird had lay two eggs but they were located at different places.

The father does not seem like the green bird.

I keep recalling about my primary school’s swimming coach – Nelson Tan (鸟生蛋).

The Shit had Begun Again

A message in the early morning foiled my plan. I was not really expecting it again. The second relief lesson of the first week almost killed me for it was very last-minute at the hour of 8am. It was probably back to the same old shit; just one of the many reasons I wanted to leave. Of course, things were not as bad since my studies were over and that my workload had also decreased.

As one of my new year resolutions was to get my stomach well, I asked my mum to go to see the Chinese physician to help me collect another set of medicine. Somehow, some people might be laughing over why others were taking medical leave so that I would have to cover the duties, whereas I did not even want to voice out that I needed medication as well. It was all for I had less duty and it was inevitable that I spoke no word.

I had walked deeper into the maze. For all the enthusiasm to work harder on my dreams, my plan was foiled by my decision to repay the kind debt. I felt so pressured when my boss was trying even harder to help me.

I hated seeing young ignorant brads burning their parents’ money away and for all I could guess, some of them were even receiving bursary or other relief. These people made life stink and killed the enthusiasm of many kind souls. Grant me a pistol and freedom to do anything, and I would enjoy my work greatly.

How about some stupid projects that was totally meaningless? How about some work that I was even told not to mention to anyone just because nobody was supposed to help and yet I was tasked to do? The hatred wrote sleepiness on my face and they exhausted me badly.

“I thought you wanted to quit and why are you still here? Your words are bullshit.”

One of the worst things I had anticipated appeared. I was speechless because I saw myself having big talks too often over this. Four times per year, I tortured myself.

In the afternoon, I realised I could no longer catch up with my breath. It was my nature to help the kind souls but I could no longer afford the time anymore.

In Progress but Still Way to Go

It has been more than a week and I’m still unable to push the quit smoking site to live. It is not good to drag thing for too long since improvements never stop. Two years and I see a different picture somehow in my own design, in both surface and database structure.

If I do not move on with this fast enough, I can never progress and my dreams would die soon.

Strain on the Left Ankle

Limping in style that nobody can notice; a few days later back to a hero and race the bus again.

After my great jog with the bus service number 400, the nerve by the side of the knee started hurting the next morning. Climbing of stairs pierced me right at the spot that I had to pause after every few steps. It seemed like nobody had noticed my unusual movement, not even during lunch time.

I was lucky that I met Daniel when I was walking out of the campus after work. He gave Mei Hoe and I a lift to the MRT station to ease my pain.

I hoped it was not my limit.

Self

When a human does something, the focus would be on either of the two parties – self or others. There could be a mixture of both, but one’s weightage would be higher than another’s.

“If I do this, what will happen to me?”
“If I do this, what will happen to him?

A person who is more self thought would rather harm others than to lose a strand of hair. Staying closely with him is always at a losing end. He may help you given that he is already on a safe zone, or, unless he knows well he needs your help in near future. He never realises the meaning of “If he’s happy, I’m happy too”.

A person who is willing to sacrifice more for others will tend to lose some benefits in the surface; but within him are peace and joys. He feels more secured for someone would definitely lend him a helping hand in future without asking.

Another way of differentiating the two types of person is through the daily activities he wishes to engage in.

“This is fun, let’s play together.”
“This is good for your future, let’s do it together.”

A self thought person looks at things that are beneficent to him; a worthy friend looks at what you really need and urges you to take up.

I have met the extreme of both types of people. The first type has almost ruined my life; whereas the second type pushes me to get my degree and driving licence, and anything else that can upgrade myself.

Can love make a difference? The perception of human being is difficult to be changed and so far I have not witnessed any success case.

Nevertheless, if a person cannot think and sacrifice more for his love one in a positive way, his life is absurd.

The Frustration within Me

There are many things I cannot say and there are many things I cannot do. The limits are trapping me in a room.

There are many things I do not know how to do and there are things I have failed to do. I still cannot break free.