The Shit had Begun Again

A message in the early morning foiled my plan. I was not really expecting it again. The second relief lesson of the first week almost killed me for it was very last-minute at the hour of 8am. It was probably back to the same old shit; just one of the many reasons I wanted to leave. Of course, things were not as bad since my studies were over and that my workload had also decreased.

As one of my new year resolutions was to get my stomach well, I asked my mum to go to see the Chinese physician to help me collect another set of medicine. Somehow, some people might be laughing over why others were taking medical leave so that I would have to cover the duties, whereas I did not even want to voice out that I needed medication as well. It was all for I had less duty and it was inevitable that I spoke no word.

I had walked deeper into the maze. For all the enthusiasm to work harder on my dreams, my plan was foiled by my decision to repay the kind debt. I felt so pressured when my boss was trying even harder to help me.

I hated seeing young ignorant brads burning their parents’ money away and for all I could guess, some of them were even receiving bursary or other relief. These people made life stink and killed the enthusiasm of many kind souls. Grant me a pistol and freedom to do anything, and I would enjoy my work greatly.

How about some stupid projects that was totally meaningless? How about some work that I was even told not to mention to anyone just because nobody was supposed to help and yet I was tasked to do? The hatred wrote sleepiness on my face and they exhausted me badly.

“I thought you wanted to quit and why are you still here? Your words are bullshit.”

One of the worst things I had anticipated appeared. I was speechless because I saw myself having big talks too often over this. Four times per year, I tortured myself.

In the afternoon, I realised I could no longer catch up with my breath. It was my nature to help the kind souls but I could no longer afford the time anymore.

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Year 2010 New Year Resolution

Quit being a lecturer
Since more than a year ago, I wanted to leave for hundreds of reasons. It has been accumulating.

Find a stable job
It is time to get a stable job to have a stable income while striving for my future.

Get driving license
Many people are born with silver spoons and they can start getting their license once they reach the age limit; I cannot. Given time, I do not have the money; given the budget, I do not have the time.

Turn sillydumb.com into inspiring site
Life is a learning experience. I live through the hard way, and it will be nice to let people learn something out of finding out my life.

Get SmokeForWhat.com up
This project has halted too long since more than two years ago. This is a little effort I can contribute to the society.

Get sCreative company up
A joint effort proposed by Irwin; something that can push and prove my capability in my desire to work on something major in my life.

Up 10 websites/blogs in total
A little race against Mike; an ambitious goal being set to place myself in a financially stable stage of life.

Get rid of big fish tank
The big bulky tank with two crazy tortoises splashing disgusting water out of from the top, heating up the electricity bill with the big plump and forever-on light, it shall be removed from my tiny packed messy house. It is placed just besides me with the irritating sound of dripping water. This is not my house; it was my father’s house.

Get rid of two birds on ecstasy
Two crazy small gayish parrots chirping in the middle of the night in the darkness have gone over my limit. My elder brother sought no consent before bringing them home; again, leaving them in the living room.

Heal stomach
The Chinese physician says that it is harder for stomach to get healed than other parts of body. I continue to get bloated right after eating. I have to keep going back to replenish my medicine, and avoid spicy and any food that is hard to be digested.

Jog 40 times
I need to keep myself healthy and I need to see more babes at all the beautiful destinations.

Sleep before 1am daily
For more than half of my life I’m destroying myself.

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Year 2004

I’d been rebellious at the start of the year. Things were going bad especially my Final Year Project in polytechnic. Knowing that I couldn’t let history repeat itself, I began working hard after wasting a month’s time. Under the guidance of Mr. David Francis, my efforts paid off.

I started off with preparation for the NAPFA test but was too reluctant to do any exercise until I received the enlistment letter. I started to panic as the stated date was three weeks after, which was quite rush. I went for the NAPFA test at NP thrice and passed with a gold award. The instructors were surprised to see me do my pull-ups.

I started to prepare for the Singapore Volleyball Open tournament, playing for BMCC for the first time in my life. However, the lack of training had scraped off my confidence by then. I played the lousiest game ever at Hougang Sports Hall’s slippery floor with my weary shoes. The lighting played my astigmatism. I’d never felt as disgraceful as before.

I’d listed some tasks to be accomplished, but I finished none other than two websites. About half of my free time was spent entertaining friends on their problems. Since January, I’d reformatted more than ten hard disks. Sadly, my friends didn’t appreciate my work and they insisted that I was very free.

Into National Service was a total change of life for me. I felt isolated at a corner often as I couldn’t communicate well with my buddy who was slow. There were many selfish lamers and slackers, but also nice souls like Chunlin and Ben who helped me a lot. Illness and injuries developed especially during the field camp. I spent my 21st years old birthday doing push-ups and digging self scrape, which made me feel disappointed in my life. However, the army’s little allowance each month gave me a better life than before.

I undergo a change in character after witnessing the cruelty in life, where sadness stacked up daily. Perhaps, I was too emotional and self-reproaching. I became a quieter person. Then I realised it was too stupid to be sad – nobody would pity you when you hurt your brain. I shouldn’t care for people who take things for granted; instead, I should spend more time for own stuffs.

I was posted into Signal camp probably because my future unit wanted me to or due to my injuries. Life differed from BMTC’s a lot which resembled my polytechnic’s life. The toughest things were to stay awake during lessons and remember crazy names. Apart for the few lamers, there were many nice and friendly people there to light up my life, which motivated me a lot.

New Year resolutions:
– get attached out of camp for volleyball upon completion of my signal course
– play good volleyball
– be a confident man
– be more hard-hearted
– improve language and widen knowledge
– earn more money
– and more.