梦里的你相似现实，似乎萍水相逢、视而不见。就在我努力的坚持中，我看到了自己的脆弱与无能。我看清了自己，我接受了失败。
眼前折腾着的我即使对你念念不忘，还是一个毫不起眼的路人甲。
我眼中的无奈说出了多年来的憔悴、牵挂、自残。
让我睡个好梦，一直到末日。就算是千年以后，我醒来而发现你从不属于我，至少我曾有个虚幻的幸福。
Trojan Hijacking Google Adsense
A day before, I was fighting against some Trojans and spywares.
That was probably caused by downloading of some cracks from the internet and my Norton Antivirus did not do enough to stop any intrusion internally.
Anyway, I supposed it was nothing serious. The problem was that the images on all web pages opened by Firefox were changed to some weird advertisements instead; none of the Adsense advertisements were spared.
The creator of the Trojan was quite smart in a way that he replaced all the Adsense advertisements, which certainly would cause huge damages to the webmasters who were trying to make a living through Adsense advertisements.
Most internet users would probably not care about whether the Adsense participants are making money a not. However, the replaced advertisements did consist of pornographic and also very distraction images.
As for me, I did achieve results from Adsense before though things were not going well for now, I really cared a lot about the replacements of the Adsense advertisements on my websites. At least, even though it did not matter since I could not click anything by myself, but the visualisation of the actual Adsense advertisements on my websites were essential somehow to my brain.
I used Spybot Search and Destroy as usual, then followed by Lavasoft Adaware. In my desperation, I tried SpywareBlaster and MindSoft Utilities, which did not show any progress. I rebooted my system in Safe Mode and did a thorough scan using Norton Antivirus but it proved me that the amount of time used were really meaningless.
In fact, Spybot Search and Destroy did detect two unusual spywares, one of them was called “double.click”. I surfed the net to realise there was a Trojan called “Trojan.Qhost.WU” which had been hijacking Google Adsense by redirecting advertisements from Google servers to a rogue server that displays advertisements from a third party.
Check for Trojan.Qhost.WU Infection in your computer:
Go to Start > Run > ping -t pagead2.googlesyndication.com
Result: Pinging pagead.l.google.com [6x.xxx.xxx.xxx] with 32 bytes of data:
If the first digit is a 6, you are not infected. If the first digit is a 9, you are infected with Trojan.Qhost.WU.
After repeating a few times of the scans, the problem was not solved. In the end, I even resorted to reinstall my Firefox. Since it was reaching daylight, I had to give up trying.
I got home after midnight to realise everything was working fine.
Working Zombie so Hardworking
I was working really hard on the “Quit Smoking” site. Even when I slept for less than three hours the night before, I continued till near daylight again.
Seriously, I do not know how long more it would take and if it could ever be finished. No matter what, it is something which I start from scratch,
There are too many things I want to start on and every dream is taking away bits of me every second, such that I cannot concentrate.
Mingli did highlight to me that I should be doing something more economically valued; I have things in mind but I’m trying to focus. Probably, I would be taking off requirements in order to push the “Quit Smoking” site to live as soon as possible.
They Prosecuted Me on False Charges
It was just to simulate the feeling which had been flashing in my mind ever since I was stunned; I was not alone but I was probably the only unlucky one.
Apart from losing so much time which I could probably push the “quit smoking” site to a later phase and the mood to enjoy myself the entire week, I did learn some stuff.
I was being released somehow, at least from the responsibility which never meant to be mine in the first place. Things could be really ridiculous in the first place.
We could not buy back time.
The Fear, the Hate
I dread stepping into the place where many people insist in their own thinking. I hate to argue, I hate to fight and sometimes I have this wishful thinking that I can remain in peace.
I hate being pestered as well.
My First Bowling Attempt
I made my first attempt in bowling with a low score of 78 points. The first set of rules was to trim long thumbnail before playing the sports. It was fun with lots of entertainments throughout. We discovered Cherie’s secret of four continuous tries for the same nine pins.
Friday was really a great day but it was also a sinful day which I spent too much time outside and not working on anything. Perhaps, it was good for relaxation, to release all the long bottomed hateful events and experiences.
It would be great if I can do that every weekend. However, this dream is too far away from reach when I have not stabilised my work.
The Hospital Again
My mum has been falling very ill a couple of times every year that we have to send her to the hospital at night. Luckily, there is not much of a major problem so far, except for some long term illness.
Medication may be very advanced in Singapore but it is definitely very costly. There is also a quote saying “You can die in Singapore, but you cannot fall sick there”. Of course this “sick” refers to the major illness like for example, diabetic, heart disease etc.
If you have a dad who has been saving up all these years, your family would probably still face some problems when medication help is needed. So, how about the situation of a fatherless family?
Having a mum who has been working like a bull simply for a very low income which can never match up to a toilet cleaner’s, an elder brother who spent almost every cent each month, and a younger brother who is still waiting for university, it is definitely more than what you can imagine.
I’m being brainwashed to live in poverty, unable to appreciate luxuries and being lack of craving; it simply makes me a very boring person. For a better future, I’m holding tight.
My mum went to the hospital hours ago again. I went there in my stinky jersey right after volleyball to give a sigh of relief when I heard that there was not much problems. For a hundred dollars, my elder brother footed the bill; but what if it was a dozen times more?
Around Three More Months to Leave
I detest being forced to do things. The feeling of being controlled is terrible.
I still cannot face and accept the fact that life is cruel with selfish people everywhere, especially at work.
If you irritate your co-worker while he is having holidays, then you annoy him when he is sick, and while you know you have already succeeded in wrecking his holidays, you jolly-well ask him when his holidays are going to end; what are you trying to show?
This world is never a fair place. For as much as I have been getting used to it, I’m learning to take it easier. When the second, which is also the last holiday, is being screwed up again while others are at a safe distance and comfort zone, I bite my teeth to struggle through the last shit. I want to finish everything and get out fast in order to inhale a cleaner air.
The place where I will submit myself fully to, is somewhere both the boss and colleagues are selfless. There is probably no perfect place like everyone would claim but at least we can seek for the best. In the midst of our finding, we can try to create one.
We have to build our own kingdom in order to help others but providing them a work place with “sense of belonging”.
The strife towards paradise may eventually result a price too high to be paid with many things lost on the way, but if knowledge, perseverance and luck permit, we will leave history.
Not All Dreams Can Be Fulfilled
All of us have some dreams of our own. If we never initiate the first step, the dreams can never be fulfilled.
However, not all dreams are within reach; and some failures can be disastrous. Therefore, I choose to sit back and slowly progress to shine in the dimmest light in the absence of hopes.
Time might heal; fate might piece the greatest faith together again.
We Got “Feel”
It is good to follow “feeling” as to allow things to go naturally. But at times, it requires more than “feeling” in order to get things done properly. Feeling can be just an excuse.
For instance, some people always play volleyball using “feeling” and whenever any player plays well, he would claim that he has got the “feel” for that day; likewise, he would blame “feeling” when he does not play well.
What we need more are skill, practice, confidence and concentration. We learn the skill and train often to make it become part of our lives and at the crucial time, we stay confidence and focus, and concentrate in order to execute.
Whenever I just cut my fingernails, I have this terrible fear the ball would tear my skin away from the nails at the tips of all fingers; it happens too often that it has become a phobia. It burdens on my feeling.
If I have the skill, why would I be afraid anything?
The scratches on my spectacle lens are nothing; the swaying of spectacle when I’m moving is nothing; the blocking of my sight by my spectacle is nothing; the old wound on my left calf after the operation is nothing; the pain on my shoulder and knees and the bottom on my feet are nothing; nothing should really matter.
Overall, I’m not a good player because I allow excuses to handicap myself.