Skai Chan
Love is not about boosting; love is not about possessing physically all the while. We have to learn to live without each other sometimes.
I cannot.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder – bullshit.
I love you deeper each day no matter if we can get to see each other.
[Saturday, 27 May, 2006]
It could be a very nice day with her today until her dad called.
I was so jealous of my mum for taking a photo with her in her sexy dress. Then, my mum pestered me to develop a name card size photo so that she could put it inside her wallet. She had already acknowledged this future daughter-in-law of hers.
That was so unfair.
I was in my super informal beachwear singlet that I did not ask to take a photo with her just now when she wore it for my mum’s friend in order to alter it.
I almost FAINTED.
She was gorgeous and sexy. Though she might not be prettier than those movie stars, she is always the most beautiful girl in my heart. Looks and figure are bonus after all.
[Photos will NOT be posted]
I hate lying and I despise liars, but recently I come to understand the essential of not being truthful.
You cannot release facts to people who can never understand because it will sometimes lead to problems, unavoidable time wastage, and as well as worries.
I love it that someone can lie just for my sake; but at the same time I will feel very guilty.
It is still not good to lie after all. Lie for the sake of happiness and not at the expense of causing harms; do not lie for your own selfish acts.
For me, I would only try to play with words or change the topic; I fail to resist further prompting because of my principle. I am not holy as it is all for to avoid self-prickling. It is torturing to worry about being discovered after you give a false statement.
Sometimes, I fail to enjoy many benefits for being too truthful. Compared to others, I have not lost out totally because of the trust friends have shown to me. That is the main reason why I would be terribly upset when people misunderstand me; when effort does not pay.
[Friday, 26 May, 2006]
It was at least the third time Mike had talked to me about plans in the future. The advices he gave were useful and motivating. Though the previous times, the energy driven was dispersed soon by the disgusting camp life.
He is brilliant and has great plans. So far, he is being very successful and is capable of getting more famous in future. Even though I share his ideas and acknowledge them, I am still far away from being capable enough to strive together with him due to my lack of ability and study. It takes too much effort to reach his standard and fame.
It is great that he will be opening his office near my place soon after ORD. He says it will be empty with just computers and he gladly invites me over to sit around anytime, hoping that it can motivate me further into working for my future. Perhaps, I can idle inside his office to do my own work in future; it is somehow similar to my dream to be able to work in a decent environment. My house is always terribly messed up, noisy and thus spoiling my inspiration.
Standing outside the Publication store, we chatted about the importance of sleep as well. Rajoo walked pass a few times and might be thinking that I was very free; but I did not give a damn. I hope after getting out of army, I am able to have a regular sleep and build up my concentration.
This kindness and benevolence of his is great and I am glad to know him through my previous ROC trip. I am blessed with this friend who is willingly to help me whole-heartedly and without thoughts of getting any reward.
这不是一个平凡的爱，它需要很多的真心与毅力。如果我们爱得简单，那又如何懂得珍惜？就让这煎熬成为我俩之间的考验，让世人都知道你我深深相爱，并给与我们祝福。
爱，这么疲倦，我却没放弃过；相信你也会坚持到底。
[Thursday, 25 May, 2006]
The meet-up with my ex NP classmates were great as David Francis was present too. I was late but they did not blame me for they knew I was sending my girl home and that I had informed Lynn in the early afternoon already.
I was more than an hour late although I was speeding through Citylink, finding them at Suntec City NYDC. I could not believe they had already finished their dinner. I did not want them to wait for me and thus did not order anything though it was already near 9pm and my stomach was still empty.
We left after some time and walked around at Carrefour as Yongming left us. As usual, I found it difficult to understand David’s words due to his accent and as well as my poor language, but still found it great to chat with him. From mentor to friend, he was such a nice person.
It was so sweet of him to remember stuffs about three years ago when we first met in the classroom. As usual, I came up with some questions he might find weird and was able to learn things from him. Lynn and her boyfriend left after that whereas David and Jason accompanied me to McDonald’s for dinner, where we had a long chat.
David gave me encouragements for my future and we were looking forward for outings in future with more people.
The feeling of needles piercing, the contradiction between oneself and the sacrifice made all infiltrates into my heart.
Let jealousy kill me for as high as I have climbed it becomes more painful.
Nobody would realise how much it means to me over such small but sensitive thing for you mean too much to me.
I always cherish moments to be able to meet up with Vivi whenever I am free. She too, being so busy and heavily involved in her school drama as well as all the increasingly added performances for Tzu Chi accepted by her mum, is trying hard to accompany me.
There are too many restrictions and obstacles, which are hindering the time we can spend together. At least I am still able to get to see her a few times per week, for now that is.
Her efforts are impressive and I am really touched by her who seems to be exerting herself so much each time, causing my worries. I too, am losing my sleep, just to make sure I am able to see her happy and safe.
I am not sure how long it can last before one of us would break down. It is either physically collapses or mentally tears-down for unable to see each other this often.
There are too many things waiting like her dinner and performances over Malaysia, and also my work commitments after ORD; by then, I might not be able to squeeze out so much time for her anymore.
[Thursday, 25 May, 2006]
At first I thought it was voluntary work to accompany little kids to play and I was very enthusiastic about it. Since my department had to produce one man to attend, I took up the chance.
On the day itself, it was the first time I could wear home clothes, including shorts and sandals to walk around in camp. Soon, I started to hear about more hard work.
Indeed, the trip to the Red Cross home for the disabled was tough. After wheeling one of the residents each just a round outside, I was having a bit of phobia in taking care of them. I hated the slopes. It was not easy to be attentive and careful.
We were then divided to clear a room and the different levels. The room was besides the training shed and there were many heavy and bulky loads to be transported. It had definitely worsened my back once again since I could not announce to the ISM that I was still on status and should not be carrying any heavy load.
The room was freaking filthy and that cockroaches were nesting around already. I accidentally stepped on the tools box while moving a huge table and luckily was not hit by any of the sharp objects inside. After moving the stuffs out to the training shed, we had to sweep the places.
Next was feeding time. Each of us attended to one of the residents and luckily this time I was assigned to an auntie who still could speak a little though not clear enough. My back further worsened by bending forward to feed her. She made me wheel her outside again and then a few rounds near the pond; though it was extra work, but I managed to discover about that area, which I believed none other had been there.
Though it was just a little strolling around, all of the residents seemed so happy. Lives must be boring there that they felt so glad once there were visitors. I could not imagine myself to be part of them in future when I get older and fall sick like them.
I was impressed by some of my group members who were very keen in helping out. Next was the new ISM who had shown so much leadership and especially in his encouragements.
Everyone was released on the spot and needed not go back to camp.
Jianhao, Gary, Alvin and I had our lunch at the West Mall food court. It was a rare get together and among them I only knew Jianhao long enough. The lemon chicken rice sucked and the fruits were disgusting as well.
We went to the arcade centre after that and had a game of Daytona 2 before the tiring table game. I was not sure of the name but the idea was to hit the disc in between the opponent’s “goal posts” to score. I teamed up with Alvin and I was on the left, left palm by the side but some part of it was accidentally near to the “battle ground” and one of the incoming furious discs slipped past violently and caused a blue black on my palm. It was a nice game and both teams won once.
After that, we departed.
爱我一百万年，不许反悔！