Dear Dreams

I seemed to have a great workout the day before. I ran about and carried things when I wasn’t supposed to. For the whole afternoon I tried to pack up a little portion at the front of the office, but I failed to, because there were always things to do.

I wasn’t happy at first. I didn’t like everyone being busy yet one or two just idle around. Of course you could be happy if you manage to escape from things, and since you were born rich and had no worries about your future; the others were different from you and thus faces could be gloomy.

Apart from what I could give, I hated my communication problems. Sometimes I did put others into troubles when I tried to be honest. Something had gotten into me and I just couldn’t concentrate.

When I was asked if I wanted a relaxing or busy life, I gave no hesitation to reply. I didn’t want to be occupied so that I’d have time to brush up on things I wanted, not wasting time doing things so that selfish people could sleep their way through.

It seems so difficult to judge humans, especially someone who’s so temperate. One moment you’re being lectured, as if whatever you do are all wrong, another moment you’re offered a big handful of helps. How would you treat someone like that?

It had been one of the better days so far. While some people are escaping responsibilities and other were so busy, I was the most senior person left. It was good to work with a newer group of people whose minds weren’t corrupted yet. Everyone collaborated and nobody went for a secret strike, thus motivation was high. I was then willing to give in my best.

Initially, I tried to do everything by myself. I never wanted to follow the trend to push everything to newbie. Yuqing and Tingfeng had helped so much that the office was running smooth even when I was out on tasks. I hated the phone so much and luckily others had taken initiative to pick it up.

Although it was much quieter without Sem’s presence, his men, Edgar and Rongji, offered helps that had actually made my life easier. I hoped they wouldn’t sacrifice too much when the others were back so that they wouldn’t be taken granted of.

The computer was there to keep Rongji accompanied at times and nobody else supposed to work had used it to chat online. It was put at the most optimised use, like for redoing of contact list. It was a day which fairness was seen.

Partially, workload was light. If only everyday remained the same, life would be better. Still, I’d prefer fewer jobs, and then I’d have the time, mood and stamina to learn things that I’d always wanted to.

I haven’t seen such a fool before. He stayed at his work place late for nothing just because someone failed to alias with others. The following day, another guy who was supposed to stay went on leave. He was so tired after staying up late the previous night, yet he cleared 3 classrooms with everything arranged properly, which none of the selfish people would volunteer. Everyone had excuses to leave early but he was so frank and promised to stay when he was assured it was only until early evening. He was conned of his kindness, professionalism, sweat and his belief of the existence of good human nature. He was indirectly harmed, ruined of his health, both physically and mentally.

There’s a myth saying evil would never triumph over good. It’s more of a fairytale story, which parents try uselessly on their children who would eventually be led astray in this ugly world in future; because in reality it’s always the opposite. Whoever knows how to strike in correct time would always win, be it good or bad.

Why would some people sacrifice so much for others, while some push jobs around? If selfishness is the trend, stop sacrificing for the hypocrites.

As I forecasted, it was another tiring week for me.

Having not enough sleep for the first night, things seemed to get better suddenly when work were allocated and shared.

Unexpectedly, the guard mounting was carried out with 3 excused personnel. The rain came too early in the morning to cancel it. I stood like a fool behind, too unfamiliar with the rifle. If you had looked into the parade square, you’d most probably be laughing till you roll on the floor.

I could have rested enough as a sentry but one of the prowlers sprained his ankle. I ended up rotating only with the sentry at the gate, without the counter job. Two hours of standing each time seemed more than two days of torture. My feet hurt just like when I first got all my legs’ problems. Though the SBO and rifle used to be light to me, but no longer could I endure my injuries. How disgusting was the army to torture injured and sick soldiers.

To kill time, I chatted a lot with Hong Kiat, who I found out was actually in the same company as me during BMT and that he was Fengjie’s good friend. I also witnessed how serious Wah Chuan could be when he was at work, as the guard commander – I used to think he was quite childish. It was a relax night with friends around and some entertainments from the officers. They were encouraged to drink more with all the cheap alcoholic drinks, which I found it weird.

The RPs were late on purpose I supposed as their officer was on MC. I was the last man behind due to them taking their own sweet time to change the shift. I went to send the arm back and then found an empty bunk with Kwang Han, where we had our guard rest. After taking a bath, I dozed off like a corpse. If it wasn’t for Kwang Han, I’d have missed my lunch.

I was back to the office in the afternoon, where everyone (almost) somehow was motivated to work. We took a break and some went out of the room. It was most probably yet another (as usual) boring day I supposed and 007 decided to step into the office. He indirectly accused me of sleeping because I looked shag. I was too restless to entertain him with my skin-peeling face, dried lips, cough, flu, ears block and stomache.

He gave lots of feedbacks; some actually was reasonable, but ugly in his cocky face and tone. He told Chen De to talk to Shep about the INet but he complained immediately to her once he left. To me, it was alright to remove the INet access since some people had been hooking on to the computer instead of doing work, but of course it would be unfair for night duty personnel.

Life would be tougher in future. It went up and down like the stock market, but more of a downwards trend currently. I hated to be lectured when things went beyond control.