Vivi's birthday

[Tuesday, 23 May, 2006]

For so long I had not felt so crazy. My mind was in a total blank and soon headaches started to embark. I knew I had to do something special for her, the sweetie who was so far the most charming girl I had ever met, more charismatic and purer than girls who I had ever fallen for; and definitely deserved more than what I had done for others.

I dozed off even before saying goodbye to her and her poetic message saturated my heart with sweetness when I woke up and checked my phone. She made me feel high again; despites this, I was still feeling very lost.

Into morning, I waited eagerly for her arrival. I started packing a little around my work area and gave up seeing the table covered with stuffs so untidily. After noon, she still did not reply my messages and I began to get more worried. I gave her a call and after some rings, it was cancelled.

Throughout the time spent on waiting for her, the torment was so great that I almost went berserk. There was too much to worry for her; her carelessness, people who were jealous of her and guys who were attracted to her. It could also be a surprised party organised by her schoolmates. I began to feel so sick.

She finally arrived at around 3pm and that certainly eased my mind off. She told me she had left her phone inside the car and school ended late. Since she had brought the wrong shorts, I sent her home to get changed instead of wearing the uniform. It might be a wrong choice after all as she got into a tiff with her mum who unreasonably limited her to reach home by 7.30pm.

We went to The Cathay for movie but the show “Da Vinci Code” was already being cast. We settled for “Over the Hedge”, which was right in time. Though it was not the first time I warmed her hands, the feeling was totally different from the previous two times. How great it was to be with the beloved one.

It was a short cartoon movie, which might not worth the money, but overall it was quite funny. It could be better if the lady to my right did not try to smooth her throat each time after she took a slip of water, which was very irritating and scary sometimes.

I took her to Plaza Singapura after that, trying to find her a necklace which would suit her dress for her relative’s wedding dinner. After rounds and rounds of searching, we could not find a reasonable priced and suitable one. I almost went in despair but of course it was not shown on my face; I wanted so much to give her a nice present which could last forever and as well as to accompany her to Malaysia when I was unable to tag along.

As time was running out, we went to shop for clothes instead. She was such a nice girl who could be so easily satisfied and willing to do a little change for me which was obviously a big sacrifice. That almost ended the unromantic day after I sent her home.

I went to Chinatown straight away while I tried to dig more information on the way through SMS to make sure her family did not celebrate for her. Her mum was going to leave home soon but would be home shortly. Everything was just nice but I was quite amazed when I reached Swensen. The ice-cream Black Forest cake was extremely expensive and they could not at least sell lighter or matchstick to me, not even a knife. The service sucked totally I must say. I quickly made a long walk to the nearest 7-11 store and bought a lighter at higher price and sped to her house without any delay even though my throat was very dry.

Just outside the lift, I arranged everything and called her to meet me downstairs immediately before I lighted the candles. The lift opened and her neighbours in a big group were amazed as one of their birthdays fell on that day as well. They started to make noise even though they obviously knew I was trying to give someone a surprise. Luckily she could not hear it. Two of them stood there to wait for the free show.

As the candles were almost gone, I quickly made a second call to her and just seconds later I heard the opening of the doors. She was as blur as usual, partly too anxious, turned to the left to face the lift and without noticing I was there behind her all along. Her neighbours greeted her happy birthday, which most probably had shocked her so much since she did not know them.

I stepped forward and called her before she realised my existence. In smiles, she looked like the happiest girl on earth. I sang a birthday song for her, though was too voiceless sometimes with my throat irritation, but was enough to force her smiles to become sweeter. Her neighbours took pictures of us.

She called her mum immediately to get permission for me to enter her house and I was lucky that night. It was satisfying to see how happy she was though she was already so joyful with the greetings and presents from so many of her friends. We managed to take some pictures together and but the excitement did not end…

Her mum returned after 9pm and she dashed into the bathroom immediately. I was left in the living room to face the music with her sister. Luckily, there was not much questioning but I was sweating like after a 2.4km run. I really wished I could chat with her mum more so as to boost about the Vivi from my view but it might be dreadful if she started to question me more.

The night finally ended with her sending me down to the bus-stop and I did not stop her so that we could get together for a longer time. The fact that my pocket was burnt a big hole was worthwhile for I was able to cheer her up so much.

This was what a penniless guy could do for a girl of his admiration, though might not be very romantic, at least the effort justified his love.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

That is why I love her

Every girl has different ways to attract guys. Some are blessed with striking looks, while others might just work their ways to be nice and thus become beautiful.

She amazes me with her looks, figure, voice, character and the way she treats me.

She is not as pretty as those movies’ female lead actresses, but certainly gorgeous and lovely. Her simplicity has infinite magnetism. She smiles sweeter than honey.

She is small and huggable. She possesses great figure which generates jealousy. She is an appeal to all guys.

She sounds too sweet and enchanting. Each time she speaks, my heart is captivated; each time she sings, the world seems to quiet down for her to beautify the ambience. She is the music of the planet.

She is a girl of great virtues. Being kind and helpful, she always thinks too much for others. She has this similar habit of doing self-reflecting that often she puts herself in agony. She overspends her time on helping others. She thinks deeper than others, and sometimes clearer than the elderly.

She treats me better than anyone else does. She cares too much for me and is willing to sacrifice herself at times. She learns to adapt to my life and accepts my flaws as merits and showers me with love. Her presence gives me the calmness that I ever need.

Just one of her qualities could have made me so madly in love with her.

If one day she ever loses her loses her looks, figure and voice, she will still be as beautiful as now; because that one day she is still the rare Vivi whose kind heart is as pure as gold and treats me as her dearest one.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

It’s not even near

It is a sudden feel of tiredness. No matter how much rest can be obtained, it can never be enough.

Work can never be all done; mind can never freed from troubles. The pressure has compressed my brain and I have been the tiniest person ever.

“I know you can do it, look at all your stories, you’re the man!”

I seriously have no idea what to do next. There is no plan. I can never be as good as before because each time the phobia strikes before I can think.

I am not a romantic person anymore and never can I success in attain an acceptable grade. It is not a standard I can give for someone who is worthy.

I am going to explode.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

Vivi’s performance

[Sunday, 21 May, 2006]

Early in the morning, I woke up too frequently with the fear of oversleeping. For every ten minutes, I opened my eyes and wondered why Vivi had not called me. Meeting her up at Outram MRT and then accompanying her to Pasir Ris, it was a sweet journey.

I disliked going to unfamiliar places, of a little worrier, yet I persisted on. I knew she want my presence when she was performing and I had to fulfil her dream. It was all because she was besides me, I was about to remain calm.

Stepping out from the train, there were already people from Tzu Chi. It was a weird feeling when you could not stay too near or even hold your partner’s hands; somehow you might need a reminder set into your handphone so that in case you suddenly forgot your location.

We were entertained by her instructor, Mingxi, at the bus-stop. Luckily he was a fun-loving guy. As she was going to get ready, I was left alone. I went up to the second level of the hall, met this high status woman and volunteered for some work since I had nothing to do; she started to show me around and gave very long lecture about the history and ongoing work of the association.

Vivi saved me in the end when she came over to bring me for lunch. Her friends started teasing us around even though they did not know about our relationship. The vegetarian meal was fine to me except for some hidden ginger, but I forced myself to swallow everything since it was not nice to have leftovers.

As the rain started, we were ready to get back into the building, where I was left alone again. The stairs were blocked when I tried to go up to the top storey again as performance was going to commerce soon. When Vivi asked me to join her at the preparation room, the stairs were cleared then.

I was the photographer for that day, which she announced, putting me into good use. It was awkward to begin my work but I soon got adapted to shooting around, except when people came over to look at the pictures or instruct me to specific tasks.

I got to see the boy who was crazily obsessed for Vivi. He had this not-so-pleasant cheeky smile, always staring at her indecently, seemed like he was going to “eat” her up anytime; if looks was not the right way to judge people, Vivi’s description would at least described some of her arrogance and disgusting acts. It just seemed weird that everyone knew she hated him lots and yet they always tried to push them together. And he, being able to cry, tried all means to gain sympathy from their friends.

In the end, one of the aunties tried to get the photos from me. Since there was no business for me to stay after Vivi’s part, I left her my contact number so that I could try to send her some other days. I was quite pressured by her because I was not sure if the quality of the photos would be good since I was using freehand to zoom in to the maximum at the stage which was not very bright.

Both of us left together for lunch at White Sands’ food court, and then followed by the usual routine of sending her home.

It was actually a good chance to realise my dream of doing regular charity work but obviously the time was not ripped yet for I was not ready to commit when my own work was still unfinished and that I still needed a high pay job to realise my other dreams and to allow my mum to live comfortably.

I did not like big organisations as well as the uniforms because of my freedom mindset. The stories of them ill-treating themselves with lack of sleep during events had also scared me that I felt they had overdone it. Most of all, I was extremely in need of my own private time.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

The surprise

[Saturday, 20 May, 2006]

As she came right at my door, I almost thought I was dreaming.

In her panting voice, so much sweat overwhelmed her face, I could not stop aching.

She was such a darling girl, spent too much effort in delivering her love to me; though she did not know the way well, yet she braved up to take the risk.

I would never forget her smiles and her satisfied looks; how lovely.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

Because of falling

Disappointment is when you speed against time to realise it is not your effort alone that helps. Disappointment is when you want to help someone so much but you fail to get the chance. Disappointment is when you wish to see and be the first and yet you wait in vain. Disappointment is when the beautiful day is set aside with rejection of invitation, but to realise you are going to be alone.

Each time I pin a high hope, it begins from climbing a mountain and falling from the sky.

I am ready to face any setback because the world is cruel and I have always experienced. Thus I instigate myself not to be too engrossed because one day I might not be living with this fortunate.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

Fighting alone

[Thursday, 18 May, 2006]

Finally the end of the week is reaching; I try not to think of the fact that another Monday would soon arrived as well.

Yesterday and today, work in camp reminded me of the past. It seemed that I was the only one doing work like before the newer guys joined us. I was left alone inside the office to settle so many shits and luckily Gilbert was around sometimes. I should not be alone but life was always unfair with people who did not realise they were dumping their shares of work on others.

To begin with yesterday, I woke up at five plus to catch the first train. I reached Choa Chu Kang MRT by 0630h, which was fifteen minutes earlier. I got to meet up with Yuqing and Ben during the half an hour’s wait for Kwang Han. Then Yuqing drove us in.

Setting up the PA system for the parade square was superbly fast. Each of us had so much self initiative and that we trusted everyone was working hard that built up the team spirit. The three of them carried the heaviest equipments and that prevented worsening of my back and knees.

Quek was soon there and he helped us to troubleshoot the problems; the system had failed us so greatly that it was a shame to get everything fixed up fast but unable to neither produce quality sound nor prevent the buzzing noise. We were moving fast but problems were too great for the lousy equipments to handle; even all the new sets of wireless microphone abandoned us. In the end, I managed to borrow the wireless set from the Spectrum, which added the second shame. Quek was stressed when Ben had to memorise the sequence of the parade’s music.

I was surprised when Shep teased me that I was happy as I was going to ORD soon already. She had also told us about her new second appointment, which would involve in flying over to Australia anytime for two weeks. She was being sarcastic about her lack of work and I tried to analyse that she was wrong since someone else sitting near her was a freeloader instead. She could not get the referred person even though I told her he had a personal air-conditioner, and after a while, she finally managed to telepath properly with me… “You ah…” that was so cute and I was enjoying the relationship between us, from one year ago the sour till now, not sweet but at least not bitter.

Our sweat came to an end before noon. The moving of the large speaker told me how weak I was now with the injuries. We kept everything and went back to the office to rest. I was almost paralysed and that my left foot almost cramped a few times though I was just sitting down and resting.

After lunch, the chaotic started as Ben went for physiotherapy while Kwang Han and Yuqing went to the MPH with Chen De. Actually, they waited for quite some time at the Publication store and I was left alone inside the office. Troubles came in like endless river flowing. It was never so hectic for the past few months until this day; I was too lucky.

The contractors came and power inside a room tripped. People came to borrow chairs and also the use of printer and I had to help him. There were running up and down of the stairs to settle countless problems. Behind me sat the outsiders playing games, telling me how lonely and self-help I was.

I was not sure what had become to Chen De. I realised he was not helping out in the MPH actually. He told me before he did not like someone and that was why he stayed away from the office and now everyone was gone except me and when I was so busy, he did not come back. I had never given excuse to stay out of office for months even though I had undergone so much, which colleagues who had been through the olden days had witnessed clearly.

There was this big let-down when Chen De called me to bring him the keys to the control room of the theatrette suddenly when there were queues at the counter. I thought he was so busy but was stabbed when I saw him waiting at the stairs; I did not understand why he did not want to go down to fetch the keys himself when I was the only one suffering inside the office with endless work.

The day ended with nobody informing me that the theatrette could be closed and that when I announced the missing of a key, everyone rushed off instead. I waited to see the shuttle bus left while I tried to contact the culprit. He came back so late to inform me that his instructor had taken it after Quek made some contacts around.

After being made to wait for so long so unnecessary, I set off for home quickly. I returned the keys to the main office and saw Shep inside, who offered me cake to return the favour of me saving her with my bread a few weeks ago.

Vivi kept me accompanied with her messages. Then, I realised I had to settle for my own dinner and could only wish to reach home before collapsing. I was powerless, being drained off my energy, causing weakness in both physical and mental.

I had a bonus suddenly when Vivi told me she was on her way home. We were actually so near each other that we met up at Outram MRT. I picked myself up from the weariness and sent her home. I was really lucky to be able to see her once again instead of having to wait for the weekends. Yesterday night, I further exhausted myself again, plundering my sleep.

A new day began in camp. I was alone in the office for AVA as well. Things were never good and actually being worse than the day before. After persuasion from kind souls, I tried calling Chen De who told me to just tell everyone that AVA was lacking of manpower and not to render any service to others; he just refused to come back to help out. It was impossible except for carrying of equipments.

I was alone to face stupid faces. The admin side had three groups of people coming over; the AO and DY AO, the clerk and the chief clerk. I showed them to the different rooms and then had to prepare the sign board for the next day’s event. It took like hours to be able to get started with all the incoming work; the borrowing and returning of equipments and once again, the contractors. Blackie almost raised my limit of endurance when he came over twice to borrow items, sounding like a General again. Of course, there were borrowing and returning of rooms as well.

I got Ah Teck to the office since he was slacking inside his bunk; however, I could not find the chance to entertain him. People who came into the room would definitely think it was a heaven for the computers connected to play games seemed so rare in an army’s camp; they would never guess that none of the players was an AVA staff. Everyone could see how busy I was and if only that AVA’s most unwelcome person was around to witness everything. (Well, forget it; I rather not see him around)

The stress ended during lunch time. When I passed by the Spectrum, Shep asked me to go to have a word with her. She realised how busy we were with only three men and maybe somehow she knew Chen De was not even there to help Yuqing (inside the theatrette) and I. She was not pleased with Quek giving Ben and Kwang Han Off on the busy day. I rest assured her that even though we were really tight but we were still able to work things out.

I managed to catch Yuqing during lunch and thus I was not so alone again. We got back to our work soon and I was finally able to relax with Vivi’s messages. I was glad she had made improvements and I would not feel guilty for not able to guide her enough through her exams period because of my drifting away from studies. Then, her call kept me accompanied for the whole afternoon until I realised my phone’s battery was near to flat.

This afternoon, I also got to realise how stress Yuqing could get. The theatrette was hectic with the big group of regulars trying to organise for the SOCC passing out parade; each of them had their own ideas and comments that gave Yuqing all the mess. Captain Phua seemed to have demanded a lot from him as well. I was not really able to help him much except to search f
or the national anthem CD.

This afternoon, the disappointment was still great. I talked to Chen De just before booking out that he should have come back to the office. I told him how difficult it was for us to answer to Shep when she was looking for him and we had no idea where exactly he was. In fact, he was failing me and yet I had to cover up for him, though Shep was really smart enough to guess he was slacking away since he was going to ORD soon (one month before me only) soon.

Others had commented that it was pointless for him to be inside the office as well since he would be sleeping all the way and in the end I had to do all the errands. They were right in some ways.

The day sucked.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

Healed

[Tuesday, 16 May, 2006]

It had been quite long since we last had such busy day. Things fell together at the same time to tear u into pieces. Of all, the sudden announcement of parade on the next day forced our preparation work, causing severe lack of manpower.

Things started after Ben left the office and then both Kwang Han and Yuqing went for breakfast, leaving me alone inside the office with non-AVA personnel. The contractor came to settle the video conferencing between the four theatrette. Quek arrived soon and he told me he did not read my SMS, which was supposed to ask him to sign my off pass. I helped him out until Ben asked me to go and borrow microphone cable drum from my “sister” at 2SIG.

Kwang Han took over me while Yuqing rode me over and soon after that we got to sweat more at the setting up of PA system with Ben. There were more casualties discovered when we tried to connect the short microphone cables together.

I rushed back to the office to dig for more cables and on the way the alarm sounded. I knew it was either a test or failure, because obviously no fool would try to break in an army camp in the morning with hundreds of soldiers inside. Then I saw Blackie with a guy who looked like contractor.

In my anxiety to get everything done quickly, searching of the cables was still not fast enough to get out of the office. Shep called and I seemed to be the only one who could answer the phone. She wanted me to wait for the DO (Duty Officer) even though I told her Blackie was most probably testing the alarm with the contractor. She was a detailed woman and thus she still wanted me to confirm everything wit the DO. That fat ass should have informed the DO or guardroom before testing the alarm.

As I got down and did not see the DO, I tried to dash to pass Ben and Yuqing the cables to avoid any time wastage. However, just when I reached the main road, the DO came and I had to accompany him back. Blackie behaved just like a General and gave some hand signs to the DO while he continued to entertain the contractor. For the time stalled, I ran back to join Ben and Yuqing again. I could not understand why some people loved to act smart disregarding of the troubles they would cause for others.

When everything was done, I quickly rushed to bring the off pass to theatrette for Quek to sign. I was guilty to trouble him when he looked extremely tired. When things seemed to have settled down, I quickly rushed for my quick lunch alone and before I could finish it, I received a phone call to replace Kwang Han at the theatrette as he had not taken his lunch. Luckily, when I got back to office, the contractors had left the place.

I was nearly late for the appointment at MMI; probably some luck was still with me. It would definitely put Kenneth and the rest into awkwardness because they would help me even if I was late. Then, I started my gym being teased for the enormous number of items. I did not finish everything like the first time, skipping those not so important stretching.

I was preparing to go Bugis to check out gifts until Vivi’s invitation to join in the half hour of French fries eating session with her god brother before their rehearsal. We arranged to meet earlier and I gave up going to Bugis since I would be going out with her on Saturday to shop. I set off with my weary legs after the gym, having the fear that my feet would cramp like the previous time after the exertion.

My new television arrived. It was a 21 inches Philips flat screen television which cost $199 paid by my elder brother probably. I supposed it was very cheap.

I had some chat with Vivi in MSN before we set off at the same time. I walked over to People’s Park Centre while on the phone with her and we challenged each other to forfeit. I reached slightly earlier than her but could sense something was wrong upon she alighted from the bus. Her brother had once again caused her trouble that she had to rush home immediately. So, I waited around forty-five minutes downstairs her house and after which she gave me a surprise.

We went to Lucky Chinatown’s MacDonald’s for dinner and her god brother arrived soon after that. Since he was a very friendly guy, we had no problem clicking together. I went to watch them for their rehearsal at the Tzu Chi branch at the food street and was amazed by seeing it because I had not noticed the place even though I stayed so near.

Anyway, since not every of them could make it, they asked me to join in to fill the empty spaces. Vivi and I got to tease each other and I was enjoying her smiles and tongue sticking out actions. Everything was fine except for the kneeling down part because of the Osgood Schlatter disease. I avoided moving too much to hit the right spot to activate the pain.

Towards the end of the rehearsal, she seemed so weak and I was so lost at a moment, afraid that she would collapse. So, I quickly went out to get some dim sum and a can of her favourite green tea. When I got back inside, they were already leaving the place. I was pretty lucky that her mum was not going to fetch her and that I spent more time with her by seeing her home.

Alas, the infection of missing was healed by her. I guessed I was insane to exert myself so much that I could not function my brain properly. Everything was worthy after all, for her heart so pure.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com