A meeting on Monday pushed my mood further down. The initial proposal was way off from the new one.
The feeling was just like a slap on my face to throw away all my efforts. I felt betrayed somehow.
It seemed like I had to be fiercer in future.
Beautiful Marina Barrage
On Sunday, Jeremy fell sick and thus we cancelled our FYP meeting at around noon time. The new show “Plan A”, replacing “Legendary of Bruce Lee”, on channel 8 from 11am to 1pm was nice. It was led by Dicky Cheung (Zhang Wei Jian) and thus I could see the “fun” in the show.
The weather was strange like the past few weeks; the sky was dark but it refused to pour. I left my house after 6.30pm for a jog to my favourite place – Marina Barrage. It was the latest time I had ever set off and the sky was beautiful, though quite threatening.
After camping in front of the laptop for the past two days, my joints were hardened and my lower back was aching. The jog hurt my lower back and thus I was slowed down. Nevertheless, I took 20.5 minutes to complete the journey, which was almost half a minute faster than the previous trip.
The weather was cooler than ever and my sweat dried up within less than five minutes, or rather, probably around two minutes. There were many pairs of couples around, spreading enviousness. I lay down by the side of the grass and the whistling of the dashing wind added happiness to the beautiful painting. I was very reluctant to leave.
When I got down to the ground level, I saw a gallery by the side of the Gallery Café at level 2. Being curious, I went in to enjoy the air-conditioner. The place was nicely done up.
My legs were going to cramp anytime but I continued my journey back in full speed. It was probably the fastest return-trip timing I had created at 20 minutes 46 seconds, which was just 16 seconds slower than my earlier journey to the Barrage.
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I was Wrong – Challenge My Limit
Exactly a month ago, I started a draining and impossible journey. It was the riskiest choice ever, which I thought I could make a difference.
The actual day was not the day itself but five days later. I was almost destroyed.
I saw what I truly liked in life.
It could never be but I saw a change in me, for love was too strong. I could accept any stain done in the past for I thought I would be much appreciated than anyone in this world. I believed in creating a better future, which could overwrite everything.
“It takes two hands to clap.”
I could sense things were not going right since beginning; I saw with my heart. I was so sick of words. I believed strongly in “action speaks louder than words” but I received none of them.
Absurd was what I faced almost everyday. I started to expose more lies; I was exposed to the much darker side of the world. I was, however, prepared to persist on.
I realized things that I cherished and valued greatly in life might not be what everyone would care at all. I exploited my principles.
I became depressed and I even got drunk. I lost interest in practically everything and I could not maintain my concentration. I disappointed many people. Nevertheless, I found out the people who really cared and were ready to sacrifice time for me.
I could not let go because I could not stand things going wrong. It was one of my greatest failures in life that I could not make a difference. There was this problem with enlightenment that everyone had to embark on before anything could be corrected, and I was greatly defeated by it, let alone to make changes. I came to light that I was not a saint and was never good enough.
Everything was a challenge to my limit – limit of acceptance of flaws, limit of emotion exploitation, limit of tolerance and limit of physical strength.
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Worse than Nightmare
I dozed off quite early, leaving my work unattended. It was a comfortable sleep since my mum did not turn on the air-conditioner, which was extremely rare. The weather was too good for sleep. I did not wear my shirt and the blanket was never on top of me.
It could be one of the best sleeps I ever had if not for a nightmare, which was scarier than having a headless ghost swinging in front of me – the return – my greatest fear which I was too soft to reject.
I woke up feeling more comfortable on my body than usual, but sadness swept over my head. Emotion was tensed.
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人死留名，豹死留皮
When a human dies, his fame will be remembered and spread by the rest; similarly, when a leopard dies, his skin will be left behind.
Whatever things you do in your lifetime, people will take account and judge you based on them. What impression do you wish to portrait to others?
Honest, kind, righteous, filial, devoted, impatient, bitchy… etc?
Will you like to be sang by people or cursed by them after you leave this world?
“No man is an island.”
Humans usually take the easy way out – be selfish and mindless about others. But what this group of people is doing is simply filling their external peace, and never their inner peace. They are able to place themselves at advantage most of the time, but in time of need, how many people will truly help them?
How many people have you hurt? What do you get by watching them suffer? How many good souls do you want to destroy before you can rest your hands? How much trust can others have in you if you have been doing all the disappointing things?
“If you can’t contribute, at least don’t destroy.”
Nevertheless, it is tough to be a good person, but the least you can do is not becoming a bad person.
“Giving is happiness; loving others is a form of loving yourself.”
If all these years you have been thinking for only yourself, why not start thinking for others now?
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Different from Other Guys
I don’t drink, I don’t club, and I don’t like tattoo or piercing.
I spent most of my time online, and doing sports, such as jogging or trying to destroy some Filipinos on the volleyball court.
Am I boring?
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The Cathay Starbucks Filled with Babes
The cloud could hold it so well that the sky was grey since early afternoon and it started pouring right after I got home after 5pm, such that I could not make it to the Marina Barrage after my FYP.
Nevertheless, it was quite an enjoyable afternoon at The Cathay’s Starbucks because basically, there were babes everywhere.
We took the sofa seats at the corner and there was a girl-next-door babe just a table away. Further away, near the more sofa area, there was a very girly girl sitting alone by herself. There was a time when a group of young girls were waiting outside near the taxi stand, and one of them was a sunshine girl, seducing me in her gorgeous dress. After changing seats with Soon Siong, I saw another two babes at the external Starbucks area.
The Cathay was a big distracting place, though, really good for mind-relaxing.
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My Belated Birthday Lunch
Yesterday’s lunch was almost a mess again. Dorothy insisted on celebrating my belated birthday together with Hirman’s after we had delayed it for very long.
Daniel, Weitat, Meihoe and I made the advanced party down to West Coast Plaza. Dorothy arrived next, followed by Jingkun. We almost thought Hirman and Kevin could not make it due to invigilation and we could have wasted the food we had preordered for them. Alas, they made it down.
When Jingkun mentioned about the latest rape case in Singapore, my mind almost went blank. The worries seemed to penetrating into me again.
It was quite a rush lunch since Hirman had an event to handle, whereas Meihoe needed to go for badminton competition. We could not really sit down to enjoy the meal while chit-chatting. Even for the cake cutting session was too quick that I felt the atmosphere was really weird. Hirman sent Meihoe back to the campus and the rest of us left soon.
Nevertheless, it was a rare get-together with Kevin and Hirman’s presence. It was a good-willed planning from Dorothy, who even made the effort to email us early in the morning for the arrangement. It was my fault in fact for I denied the birthday dinner from them on my actual birthday when everyone was free.
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Volleyball – to my Limit
Yesterday morning, my bag was heavier than usual with my sports gears. I did my second set of chin-up for the week and had less two pulls than the previous day. Soon after I got back to the office, boss asked everyone to go down to carry some flip chart up and I was almost killed.
Lunch was quite frustrating for we planned to go to Bukit Timah food centre but Dorothy insisted to go to West Coast, and thus, we had some debate and almost had to go in separate ways. In the end, we overrode the opposition’s rule.
There was one western food stall sticking the “no western food available for the time being” notification and another one told me they were not ready yet. Luckily, there was a third stall. I had a plate of chicken cutlet and it was one of the softest cutlets I had ever taken. My stomach was further filled by the extra food ordered by them.
After lunch, Jingkun and I took Dorothy’s car towards Dunern Road to get some pastries, while the rest took Daniel’s car to get egg tarts at somewhere nearby. It started drizzling and the rain came down big on the way back to campus. I was very stunned to witness that Dorothy’s car’s front glass was so foggy that we could hardly see far under the rain. It was not long before I started to get dizzy. There was this little fear within me somehow.
Kumar and Alif were both inside the staff room. Kumar started making prank call to Salim and we had a good laugh over it. I checked the timetable and realized the lab was empty, and thus I packed up to open it for them. That was a good deed from me for the rest of their classmates started coming in soon, drenched by the heavy rain. They announced Bukit Timah was badly flooded.
I stayed inside the lab until after 6pm when everyone had finally left. I left the staff room together with my two bosses and got to hear interesting stories from them on the way down.
Kachua, Mingfa and I started off the evening by squeezing into Wilson’s car to watch the channel 8 show. It was our plan to not set up the volleyball net for the Filipinos who had been taking it for granted. However, Weitat arrived with Tony, Gin and Eugene and they went into the hall straight away, and thus we followed suit. We simply sat by the side and our plan worked.
This evening, there were fewer people, however, my side, together with two uncles, was enough to form two teams. They played seriously. I only got to play in the third game. My team was generally weaker than others and in my last game, it was worst. However, being “one of the star players”, I played serious and intensively with the Filipinos. Quanru uncle and his wife started asking why I played better than usual for the night. In fact, my legs were giving ways throughout the evening and I was simply testing my limits.
After volleyball, we sat by the side to cool down, leaving the court to the Filipinos again and our tactic worked. They tore down the net. I felt it was not a very tactical move since it appeared that we were the slackers.
Mingfa and Jingkun left earliest. The rest of us planned to go to Commonwealth for wantan noodle but Mr Peh invited us to join him near the Clementi MRT. After we got there, Mr Peh arrived with the Filipinos and I was quite “sian”.
After my late dinner, Kachua sent me home.
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Five men deny raping 17-year-old girl
By Ansley Ng, TODAY | Posted: 18 November 2009 0733 hrs
SINGAPORE: What was supposed to be a supper date turned into an ordeal for a 17-year-old girl, who was allegedly gang-raped by five young men.
The girl, now 18, had agreed to have a meal with a man called “Jonathan” in December last year. Instead, she was taken to a flat in Woodlands, where the men took turns to rape and sexually assault her.
The accused – Muhammad Shafie bin Ahmad Abdullah, 19; Mohd Sadruddin bin Azman, 19; Lim Boon Tai, 20; Rishi Mohan, 17; and Mohamed Firdaus bin Roslan, 18 – have denied the charges and are likely to testify that the sex was consensual.
Shafie and Lim were full-time National Servicemen at the time of the offence, while Sadruddin and Firdaus were then waiting for their O-level results. Rishi, a Malaysian citizen, was a student at the Institute of Technical Education.
The morning after the alleged crime, the girl’s boyfriend called the police after she told him what happened. Four days later, the men were arrested.
In his opening statement, deputy public prosecutor Gordon Oh said on the evening of Dec 25 last year, the victim was on a bus to Woodlands bus interchange and on the way home, when a man calling himself “Jonathan” rang her and asked to have supper with her.
“Jonathan” did not turn up. Instead, a friend of the girl – who is one of the accused – arrived in a taxi to pick her up from Woodlands MRT station.
He brought her to a flat in Woodlands, where she was introduced to the other men. There, Lim introduced himself as Jonathan.
The victim joined four of the accused men in a card game where the loser had to drink a soft drink mixed with vodka.
She had more than five disposable plastic cups of the cocktail, Mr Oh said.
During another game, the victim – whose head was spinning from the alcohol by that point – refused to kiss Lim as a forfeit.
The games ended when someone knocked on the flat’s door. Thinking it was Shafie’s parents returning home, the group suggested that the victim and Lim hide in a room together.
In the room, Lim allegedly pushed the girl onto a mattress and made sexual advances. She resisted but with her head feeling heavy, gave in to him.
Later, while she was resting in Shafie’s room, the men allegedly entered, stripped her and took turns raping and sexually assaulting her.
Two psychiatrists will testify that the girl now suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and has depressive symptoms, said Mr Oh.
In court on Tuesday, the men – three of them bespectacled – sat in the cramped dock. Few of their family members appeared to be in court, but they seemed relaxed and were seen smiling and talking to each other.
The trial continues on Wednesday.
Source: Channel News Asia (link removed)
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