Skai Chan
[Friday, 28 July, 2006]
http://sillydumb.com/beach290706/
The deadline was near and I had to rush it out, using about two hours’ time. Background picture was edited using Photoshop. Texts were not very well arranged. The URL might be changed in future when there is new beach outing.
The first time I realized something was wrong with her was when she came into the office and started mumbling in front of the training schedule. Nobody cared to entertain her and none actually realized what she was paranoid about.
It became so clear when I was besides Ivan, she came in and spouted nonsense. Ivan was rude to her and walked away to use the internet instead. It was actually confusion over her department and that one of them had told Ivan to change the room for a lesson, whereby another could not find something. She insisted it was Ivan’s fault and hung around to pollute the place for a long time. Until she realized Ivan was right, she still stayed there to talk over her mobile phone, irritating everyone like nobody’s business.
She created more of a nuisance when I witnessed her bother Quek when he was extremely busy. Her voice would never end. Then, she continued to hang around in my office again to spread her fame.
Her looks I would never despise on because it was not her choice; her create-hair-standing voice could not be chosen as well; however, she could actually stop pestering everyone, imitating a bee rounding up ears.
[Wednesday, 26 July, 2006]
It was not the first time I cycled to her neighbourhood. In my maximum constant speed, I could reach there in around ten minutes, but it was never as simple as before I suffered from my injuries.
There were numerous reasons for me to go in regardless of my tiredness. Apparently I needed to exercise to build up the muscle around my injured knees, but it was more for granting her wish to hug me hours ago when her neighbour rushed into the lift to interrupt us; it was just a sudden short meeting at Redhill to send her home. I had more concern in mind as it was the lunar seventh month when souls were said to be released and that I might not have chance to send her home from tuition since her mum asked her tutor to go to her house in future.
This night, I filled my stomach fully with the packet rice and pizzas. I specially took a towel along to wipe off my sweat before they could stink my shirt. I reached there fast as usual and waited near the provision shop where she would definitely pass by.
In the midst of my anxiety for a surprise, a few uncles were gathering around the letterbox. It took me a while to guess they were from the community and wanted to open up the notice box at the top. They seemed unable to reach the top and I hesitated for a while (fearing that I might make a fool out of myself) before approaching them.
The uncle nearest to me was straightforward and acknowledged my help immediately, watching me get up to sit on the letterbox without any effort. The lock almost embarrassed me; it was built so near the wall that it was so difficult to twist the key. Alas, I did it and impressed all of them and I greatly enjoyed their appreciation when I respectfully assured them of my sincerity. One of them, a Malay guy, thumbed up for me as they were leaving the place and I believed it was a morale booster to show my capability and how others appreciate me after being degraded in the army.
The notice board was a stupid design since the residents would not look at the notices when they were put up so high on the wall. Besides, there was even an article which was for year 2004, such that I presumed they had not updated the board for long.
I began to get worried when Vivi did not call me after ten. The wind was strong and the sky was turning reddish, I did not even know if I would be making a wasted trip down. I wanted so much to at least SMS her but it could arouse her suspicious. Luckily, she called me immediately when her tuition ended and thus released my worries.
I acted as if I was waken up by her from my sleep and when she told me to call her back using my house phone as usual, I told her to give me some time. I ambushed at the opposite exit at the lobby but she did not seem surprised to see me.
It was not a very good idea to cycle there since I had to take care of it and that I could not hold her hands during the stroll to her house, but a least it saved me from lots of walk and some transportation fee. Moreover, it allowed me to stay out later if I wanted to and of course, act as physiotherapy session.
We had a little wait downstairs for there were people using the lifts. The night was fair indeed, for my effort was kindly paid off.
Love – why must it be so difficult?
[Tuesday, 25 July, 2006]
I woke up to be so tired. Lacking of sleep had once again put me in fatigue. I felt too weak to do anything and yet I had no choice but to set off for camp.
It was not a usual day because of the HLS run that I had to leave my house earlier. This time the five of us, Rongji, Edgar, Gilbert, Siu Hang and I were one of the earliest to reach the 2SIG parade square. Lightning was dancing over the sky, causing the fears within our misplaced hearts. It was going to rain for sure and thus we were not sure if we should proceed on.
It was weird that no familiar face was seemed and soon heavy downpour was scattered over the place. News of the cancellation for the run was called but we were already stuck there. I saw a great relief finally for my condition was totally unsuitable for a good run. As the rain lightened in a while’s time, we walked back to office.
The morning started relaxing though I could sense work piling up. Then, we were told that the HLS was actually postponed and since nobody had informed us about it, we were blindfolded. It was another blessing in disguise.
At the later part of the day, I witnessed more nuisances from the supposed-to-be-wise old men.
Troublesome Tan called upon the office to get his lesson prepared again. I suspected he was simply looking for companion as well as to attract attention. Though he could be quite entertaining sometimes, his loud voice was no doubt irritating when everyone was busy or tired.
As for the Journey-to-the-west, he seemed pretty polite whenever I greeted him but he was actually a troublemaker who was bearing grudges on Quek and in turns took his anger on Siu Hang and the rest. He was finding the slightest fault whenever possible. He left an equipment room unlocked with the keys inside and blamed Siu Hang for taking initiative to lock it up. That was one of the most absurd thing I had seen, for a criminal to criticize someone being responsible.
In fact, so many screw-up things had been happening that I was totally faithless about the place.
In the afternoon, we had to move the old CPU to the CCO side. Despite having backache and that I was so worried it might worsen again, I did not escape from the job. In actual fact, we were having fun by giving selves entertainment.
[Tuesday, 25 July, 2006]
Quek had assured me that he would definitely help me to clear my leave and off successfully even when he was posted to another department. I trusted him.
The problem was that Shep had asked for my leave forecast quite long ago and when I had finished it, she told Chen De she did not want to care anymore. I was not sure if she wanted to see mine and would approve it.
My accumulated off days reached up to around nine days and Quek allowed me to clear seven days and added five days for my medical appointments. Hence, with my balanced twenty-five days leave and twelve days off, which was quite a long period of time. In fact, compared to my ex platoon-mates, they had already been clearing their leave, which was more envious.
Ten working days left till National Day, life was still hazy.
[Friday, 21 July, 2006]
It was the first time I did the marshalling duty out of camp, as well as the last time I was going to do it. Less than three months to ORD, I had finally completed all my duties – AVA, IRB, flag bearer and marshalling.
I can finally ease my mind a little and wait to get out of this inhuman place. It is not the work that is causing all the hardship but the people who are so selfish and arrogant, wanting all they want. Life can really be much better.
Despite being advised by so many friends that I should talk more about happy things, but it is never my style to conceal ghastly facts of life. The place really stinks.
I do not know what religion does the bitch practises on, but she definitely is a sadist somehow. If you were to be forced to do overtime work without extra pay, how would you feel? It is not about rewards but human rights and humanity to ensure sufficient rest.
Thus, that day when I heard about one fortunate guy wailing to enter this fridge, I was filled with amazement. I despised him for his dream of being sluggish and at the same time I mocked at his naiveness and unawareness.
This guy would most probably be thrown over and smile like striking lottery, until he realises he has unlimited chores to do. My poor branch would then face poverty with more people who have attitude problems.
Since it is not within my reach, I shall not care anymore when I am leaving soon.
[Monday, 24 July, 2006]
It is the second night and my chest has not recovered from the suffocation. I feel irritated for the choke and that it has surely aided in my cough.
I cannot afford to undergo anymore major depression for it is bounced to kill me.
There is this weakness inside me that I always being trying to overcome and becoming cold-blooded. There are also times that I have shown unfeeling intentionally.
Laugh for all you can for I cannot control my sensation like how normal people can.
If I am not emotional, friends would not have liked me for who I am; in fact I have already toned down, that certain good aspects of me have vanished, my tolerance level can no longer appease some of my friends.
[Tuesday, 18 July, 2006]
It had been quite long since I last stayed overnight in camp again. I was so careless and blur to forget about the parade, therefore I went home first to bath and get cloths. However, I went to pass Vivi something before going home, and thus causing the delay to meet up with Ah Boon at Jurong East to take cab in. Actually, Elvin and Anthony helped to cover up for my last AVA duty so that I could go home; it was so sweet of them.
It was a good night to have quite a number of people with us – namely Ah Boon, Kwang Han, Elvin, Ah Beng, Anthony and Chen De. However, they occupied the four computers to play Counterstrike and that I was left with only my diary.
They stopped at around midnight and went down to Ah Beng’s lab to play game using the projector and large screen, whereas, Ah Boon went up to his lab alone. Kwang Han was nice enough to get pillows down from one of the usually unused syndicate rooms. Then he took the sleeping bag found at Publication store and left Ben’s one for me.
That was the first time I slept with a sleeping bag. Knowing that I had to wake up early, I did not hold back my sleep anymore and started dozing off. It was a comfortable night though we were actually sleeping on the hard ground because of the cooling air-conditioners.
I actually woke up many times in the fear of oversleeping for the parade setup. We planned to get up at five plus but both of us agreed to sleep longer.
[Saturday, 22 July, 2006]
It is a dizzy day but things turn out okay.
However, it seriously brings out the incapability in me – what kind of person I am and how do I fare in others’ hearts. So, I have to start doubting myself once again.
It is a fact that I am not up to expectation. Maybe I need to grow some more sense or unselfishness in myself, or maybe I am just not a good lover after all. I do not know.
Whatsoever, it is good enough that peace has overwhelmed again and hopefully history will never repeat the second time. I pray hard.
He thought their love was strong enough to overcome any obstacle and both of them would struggle till the end despite going against the odds; he thought he was her world and that she would rather lose everything than to lose him.
Nevertheless he was defeated by himself. His judgement and his wishful dream lay him down on the ground. He had a weak heart which was too fragile for any major setback but she bestowed him a privilege of torment, when he began to gasp for breath.
Forever he lost hope in girls liars.