I walk all around
and I snap at you
but you’re not weird
it’s just an excuse
for the next day I won’t get to see you
I don’t want to leave but I don’t wish to hold you up
go sleep baby
I'm back
I’m back from Taiwan finally. It was a great experience though there were many things I felt should be done correctly but screwed up, which upset me.
My gang of 11 people went to the airport to fetch me – Mingfa, Meijun, Wilson, Pauline, Mingli, Xinyi, Guoxin, Weitat, Kok Chiang, Ah Teck and Meijun’s teammate. I didn’t expect to see so many people and I was really happy that I forgot my tiredness, however, felt remorseful for keeping them waiting. Beach outing was cancelled, or should say not organized.
After breakfast at the MacDonald’s, which Wilson took his nap by lying down on the seat, they decided to take cabs home instead of MRT which had already begun service. Anyway, I didn’t sleep and instead, cleared my emails and then edited the photos. Many of the stuffs I brought back were taken by my brothers.
I went out at around 4pm and got home so late to continue with my work. The fact that I haven’t been updating my diary since last week of the trip means that it might take up to a week to write and type them out…
Leaving for ROC
I’m bringing my pain along to Taiwan. The aching on my back weakens my body. I’m glad to leave, to gain experience, as well as to escape from the craps I’m facing.
It’s the first time I’m holding an international passport. I’m at total lost. It isn’t just a simple trip, not when I’m leaving with the army.
I’m not ready to leave, too many things for me to settle makes me reluctant to set off the next day. I’m too lazy to pack my luggage, certainly too tired to, because the stress on my back makes me lie down.
I’m not ready to leave, I haven’t had enough fun with my friends. I’ll miss everyone, especially the chio-er ones. Yea!
Sour plum covered with maltose
maltose – malt sugar
Pieces of memories keep falling, filling in the emptiness. I seem to be recovering from the amnesia.
I refuse to but each time when I lose my concentration, the jigsaw puzzle rearranges towards forming pictures.
Have I killed the enthusiasm of someone? Why do I feel something’s missing?
I never dare to recall for the pain keeps hitting on my head. Suddenly I feel like drinking to my unconsciousness.
风
我顺着狂风唱出一首首情歌，
希望它带给你我切切的感触。
风能带走我的忧虑，
就当我幻想和你在一起。
我细细听着，
听着它为我带来你的消息，
就是一千年，
一万年，
我还是在等着它对我说你很快乐。
风无时无刻带来了你的香味，
我又何时不挂念着你。
我叹了一口气，
气里包含了你我的过去。
风，
它偷偷地偷走了我的自信。
最后一滴泪
疲倦的眼从此不再为谁流泪，
因为脆弱的心灵早已生产不出泪滴。
需要用人造泪水才能洗清每日日以万积的伤痕。
那最后一滴的自然水就是这么的珍贵。
它包含着痛苦与喜悦的精华，
在一瞬间不知所措，
边缘中垂死挣扎。
I see I know I realise
I always give no thought of how long I would take to accomplish a task alone. Partly, I’m influenced by the old saying “if you’re determined you can work anything out”. So, I always do things blindly, putting in my full effort, but I don’t know my limit.
Maybe this is the reason some friends like about me as they take my stupidity as pureness. No doubt, this is also how I maintain my fitness, whereas others need to go gym to work out.
Perhaps, the mIRC scripting and web designing are obvious unplanned duration of my work; my back injury is the ignorant of my limit.
I witness the speed of forty over men moving equipments from a room. The task would take me more than a day, or I might not even finish it before my spine breaks. begin to revise in my belief.
I see how insignificant my strength can be, and how much job can be done with my brain. I know I’m not in total wrong, because one should give in all his best; but things could be better done with some aids from others. One can only relies on himself, but not working alone all the time.
Broken pen
Inspiration meets exhaustion,
enthusiasm wears off.
Ideas rot,
memory fades;
I can’t think,
I can’t write.
Is breaking the pen the only excuse I can find
for stopping my work?
In this case,
buy me a new open,
and I’d write for you.
Inspiring meeting
The meeting with Anthony on Monday evening added remorse to me. My repeated unexpected delay in the camp caused the movie catch to cancel off even though I sweat my uniform smelly on the first day of the week. We had dinner instead and I was guilty all along the way.
We began discussion about my life. Though most of the advices he gave me had been through my life since long ago, but I hadn’t put them into use, and suddenly they seemed more understandable. Anthony was more than a friend to me, a man of around 10 years older, so inspiring and respectable. I knew him through my brother’s appraisals.
Over the years, I began to have doubts in my judgements and beliefs. It was part of growing up. Failures and setbacks had distorted my life. I seemed to have vague impression of my character 5 years ago after Anthony mentioned; I was then a happier person with smiles on my face. He asked me why I didn’t want to get a girlfriend; alone wasn’t a choice but the judgements of girls.
I began to attain faith in myself. I shall not concede to majority when I’m right; I shall not concede to senseless mockery; I shall not concede to myself.
It was a night brain refreshed, though more perseverance would be expected.
How many days do you need?
Took a big round of walk around my neighbourhood but couldn’t grab a cab, in the end had to walk all the way. Just about to give up, a cab stopped right in front for someone else.
Waited for 1.5 hours, doctor said dry eyes was too minor case for A&E department. The irritation started more than a week ago and how would I know it wasn’t serious? Would I have time to visit the arrogant MO when I even had to do OT almost daily in camp?
Waited for 1.5 hours, another doctor said x-ray might not show problems to my backache. He asked me how many days of MC I needed. The more the merrier! But I said it was up to him. He stated 2 days, which was after midnight. 1 more day to a 5-days long weekends.
Took my prescription, and to my terror, the same old panadol kind of pills appeared again, which was for the backache. What’s the difference between them and the MO from Tekong? They gave MC but not the cure.
2 days, just enjoy.