I’m not good at controlling my own feeling. I cannot seem to hold back my words and bury my feeling and observation. I cannot suppress emotions.
We learn from history but I’m never able to change history.
A Little Feign of Ignorance
I try not to display my supreme observance because everyone has too many secrets to hide and too many lies to cover up; it causes fears in them. We have to forge ignorance at times to avoid being distant away.
There may be little things that cause displeases to us but we have to overlook them in case things blow up.
Have you tried too hard to show that you care for someone when you subconsciously do not wish to bother? Is it a sign of sympathy or benevolence?
And He’s Gone – Faris
I had my third lunch session with Weiming and Faris on Friday together with George. I did not realise Faris was free since Jingkun did try to date him and he said he could not make it. Anyway, Faris took us to Clementi Avenue 2 where he treated us to chicken rice.
The entire office saw laughers when Jonathan broadcasted through email that Weitat would be absent on Tuesday and the reason was “Wedding”. Some of our colleagues thought Weitat was getting married and I further worsened it by telling Bernard that I suspected it was a shotgun.
Anyway, the Gallery2 project bugged me again. Bernard and I uploaded the original file and it proved my innocence and expertise in the recent modification. Someone could have removed a feature before I witnessed the existing of the website.
I went to the MRT station with Chairul, Desiree and Afni. We took bus 173 and got to the interchange and realised we could have waited for bus 105 or 106, which was nearer. Anyway, Chairul took the same direction train as me and we managed to have much longer conversation than ever.
During the journey, I felt so lost with the departure of Faris. Even though it would be my turn soon, the remaining days would be much more boring without this quick-witted colleague who had been helping me in all aspects of my work.
The first person who left was Clement who was sitting behind me. Next was Aaron Tang on my left, and followed by Kok Chiang who used to sit right in front of me. Finally was Faris who was sitting at my right side. Even though Alex had taken over Clement’s seat, my surrounding was still empty and it seemed more like a curse.
晴天后也会有阴天
开怀大笑后也会想起孤单。接二连三的挫折后信心也会成为绝望。
是累了、是厌倦了，只想一睡到天明。
Badminton and Volleyball Again
My health was at low level. There was a slight giddiness for the past few days; it had not happened for ages.
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Thursday afternoon seemed to be unusually relaxing for me for most colleagues were out for a talk and that I simply stayed inside the lab where the lesson was cancel to buck up on my website. Sleeping bugs attacked me but I managed to get some things done.
Mr Baey came over and knocked at the door, and I was quite surprised to be found there since it was at the end of the corridor. Anyway, I started to pack up and go back to the office before going down to the hall to join the rest for badminton. It was weird that my two buddies did not bug me down earlier this time and they thought I was actually opening the lab for some kids again.
Weitat prepared me with the first few games before we started playing doubles. Mingfa seemed to be tired at first but eventually he displayed his usual skill to cover up for my lack of flexibility to control the racket. We had fun for the evening even though the play time was shorter since we started late.
We started setting up the volleyball poles and net after badminton. My giddiness and usual sleepiness put me down on the floor soon. I was not sure whether did I doze off completely but there were things running on my mind throughout the uncomfortable rest there.
I had lost touch with the game after missing in action for around three weeks. My team did quite badly and thus we could enjoy longer rest than usual.
The mild gastric pain recurred again and I decided to give up playing after the last defeat. At around ten, Jingkun sent Kachua and I to Jurong East MRT station.
Date with Bao Bei Fen Fen
The most awaited evening was on Wednesday. Originally, I was not supposed to meet up with Bao Bei Fen Fen on this day if not for the big screwed-up by me.
A rush home from work and the dashing out of my house almost wasted my effort for bathing in between. I had a big problem with shoes due to the rain on Saturday morning’s cycling in the rain.
It was my second movie of the year after the previous one with Guoxin. We caught the movie “Tropical Thunder” at Plaza Singapura and had some great laughs at the stupidity of the characters.
Since Mdm Seet gave me my second breakfast in the morning and that I only had two plain roti prata when I was having lunch for the second time with Faris and other colleagues, the hunger caused some gastric pains.
I had dinner with Bao Bei Fen Fen at MosBurger where we had quite a long chat until ten plus PM. A sudden numbness on my brain strike me and almost caused blackout but I managed to appear normal, and after I got better, suddenly I felt that the restaurant was very noisy.
Anyway, her eyes almost killed me.
I felt weird for not sending a girl home but I had to bear with the uneasiness and worries in order to avoid causing irritation.
Birthday Dinner
I had birthday dinner with my family on Tuesday evening near Neil Road. It was probably my third time dining at the coffee shop opposite the E-Bay building where the only available stall sold seafood.
My mum started ordering food without consulting us and the funny thing was that she kept saying she did not know what to order. The food was okay but like what my elder brother had warned, they charged bill like robbery. The five plates of simple dishes eventually cost us $54 inclusive of five bowl of white rice.
They did not even dare to give us the receipt and when we claimed from them, we realised they charged each small plate of dishes at the price of “medium” plates. In the first place, they should have asked us about the portion of food before assuming that we could be big eaters. Seriously, I could not imagine how much smaller the plates could become if they had given us the “small” plates.
I supposed it was the last time I would ever want to visit that coffee shop that involved in extortion.
Dinner at Rajar Inn and Birthday Presents
On Sunday evening, I received a sudden invitation to go out for dinner. Since my mum was not in Singapore yet and that I did not want to turn them down, I decided to give up my show – 鹿鼎记.
I met up my gang at Tiong Bahru Plaza. They waited at the restaurant called Rajar Inn where we invested in a buffet dinner again.
Being a light eater, it was not a good choice for me; it was definitely a waste of money especially when steamboat was such a bored stuff. The first dish was durian pastry, of a normal standard, and the rest was in fact not satisfying to me. The thirty buck spent was a total waste of money.
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Braun Buffel Wallet |
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Nike Bag |
I received my first two birthday presents of the year – a Braun Buffel wallet and a Nike sling bag. I had not heard of the wallet’s brand due to my lack of brand awareness, but it certainly seemed expensive, and owning such accessory was a waste of money on me.
It was very pressurizing to receive birthday presents, especially when my buddies had been saying that “how much you spend for others is how much you will eventually get back”. If you could afford a hundred dollar, would others be able to do it? I supposed family background could pose problems between friends.
I would not care about the value of the presents and I supposedly did not really need anything since I had eliminated all my NEEDs, unless someone could spare money for a DSLR camera or even buy a house for me.
Anyway, my buddies knew me too well that they bluffed me to show them my wallet and then they started replacing all my cards over to the new one since they knew I would not be using the new one any soon if they did not do it that way. It was the same scenario as the mobile phone chain which Weitat bought for me at Hong Kong a month ago and he borrowed my phone so that he could force the gift onto it.
I was practically being touched by their efforts.
Anyway, when Mingli teased that I did not get her any birthday present, I got the shock of my life. I was always not the one who went in search of birthday presents and thus, when my gang bought presents individually, I tended to have problems.
The Next Moment, Next Day, Cherish Life
A little gastric pain strike and the heartbeats increased. Soon, I felt so numbed in my brain and that I was going to faint anytime.
Life could just so vulnerable and we would never know if we could still breathe the next day.
Will I learn to cherish my life more? Will I learn to enjoy myself before I depart?
I may not be able to accomplish my dreams and I may not be able to finish all my projects; but I can probably start loving myself more before my day comes.
In the Name of Charity
A team of weird people were loitering outside Tanjong Pagar’s NTUC. They were aggressive in term of the way they approached passers-by, not allowing any to escape. It was around nine PM and I walked towards the ATM machine and one of them tried to stop me.
“Don’t worry, we are not selling anything, we are doing charity.”
They were all in the same uniform but I did not play attention to any logo. After I withdrew money, I walked off immediately so that none of them could bother me again.
My family caught up with me after paying money at the NTUC’s cashier. My brother told me those people were from Great Eastern Insurance Company. The first thing that came to my mind was that charity was simply a cover up to grab personal information.
For the sake of making more money, would you be doing fraud in the name of charity?