Dear Dreams – Page 220

It was a long day

[Tuesday, 04 July, 2006]

The day started with HLS run and this time was a fatal experience after the previous two runs. First was Andrew’s nuisance that I dashed down the slope instead of just slightly speeding up a bit; then Louis’s challenge distracted me until a black shirt old guy joined in the fun after we reached the roadside, I was kind of being blocked and thus unable to maintain my speed. I was behind the old man as we turned into Choa Chu Kang Park but he managed to overtake me after the water point. Even though he was covering just half of the distance that he could speed up more, he was really fast for his age. In the end, another guy overtook me after I was exhausted and I could only reach the final point at second position.

After that was the rest inside the office. I was so motivated that I should not be playing games anymore and that I should be concentrating on my work instead even with all the noises; I would either read up or at least update my diary whenever possible so that I could have better rest at night. However, I was lack of sleep and exhausted from the morning run that I dozed off for a while.

It was hell after that. Gilbert informed us of instructions from Shep that all the OT (Overtime) books were to be updated and submitted for checking. It was not simple as the format had to be amended to follow Gilbert’s design and thus it had to be redone. My effort for the previous book was wasted and that so many entries were already written. It stressed me so much over how to transfer the contents.

Before I could get started, things inside the office had to be packed. After the previous complaints from some quite big-farks the previous week, we had to prepare ourselves for the upcoming safety inspection. It was quite lame actually that all items on top of the cupboards had to be removed, cables had to be lay properly, water bottles had to be kept away from electrical applications and even the CPU casing had to be closed. I joined in to help with shifting of the half spoilt furniture and then throwing away of useless papers.

Suddenly, there was a call from Quek asking Yuqing and I to go over to find him. We were instructed to go out of camp to collect equipments. However, Yuqing did not have his uniform and thus Quek assigned Kwang Han with me instead. So, after another useless video screening, we took the Unimog to approach Nee Soon camp. The previous visits there carved the beautiful pictures in my mind until this time I witnessed some World War Two buildings on a different route. We waited for the store man to find the equipments and then left for his main office which was also shabby. Before we could leave, they asked us for the unit stamp which Quek did not prepare for us. We dragged on and finally were able to escape from the “war”.

I was curious about their E-mart and was quite tempted to get the new New Balance grey PT shoes; however, our 11Bs were at the guardhouse and that Kwang Han did not photocopy his bar code like me. I collected the 11Bs from the guardhouse and refused to return Kwang Han his one.

A wrestling started after we got back to the camp and Kwang Han took my camp pass. I took his and then Siu Hang joined in, and thus his one was confiscated by me as well. We created havoc inside the office and sweated as much as than the morning’s run. There were bruises on my right hand, especially near my watch area and an obvious scratch on my arm and a blue black near armpit. The game stopped as I saw the need to go down to replace Fredrick for he had to get his dinner for staying back duty.

By this time, Yuqing had already completed the headers of the OT book. There were still problems with the transferring of contents which was causing the stress within me. Then, Gilbert reminded me of the cover page as well. It was too late to do anything but to bring the book home to complete such that I would be able to make it on time to show Shep by the morning.

It was a restless journey home in my weariness caused by lack of sleep, physically disabled and most of all, the OT book. Right after I stepped out of TG Pagar MRT station, Sam called me to dine together as he was nearby. I called my home, hurried home and walked briskly towards the Maxwell food centre to meet him. The food was actually more expensive than usual food centre and just a small plate of Wan Tan noodle it cost three bucks. Sam was so blur that he took a long time to find his Hokkien noodles when there were at least three stalls selling that. He showed me to his dance class and I thought it was a small restaurant at first.

It was a terribly tiring day.

Shop at TG Pagar MRT

[Thursday, 29 June, 2006]

Gilbert influenced me with his hobby of shopping, whereby I was at the last second day of sales at TG Pagar MRT station’s shops with my mum.

My intention was to get some cheap formal wears but I only got to buy a shirt and polo-shirt; I could not find a pant which I really wanted. Then, I picked two shorts and finally a bag and a wallet. My mum picked a sweater which she had been eyeing since the previous time she went there with my younger brother; and then she picked a handbag (again?).

They actually gave away a T-shirt for each certain amount spent and the T-shirts were so crumbled and ultra large.

The place was freezing and after some time I started to have a cramp. It was bad enough to cause weakness on my left foot and I dragged it all the way to prevent further cramps.

I was the one who footed the bills of near hundred bucks.

My mum did not check her handbag thoroughly and there were some worn-outs. She went down to exchange the next day but to realise all the nicer designs were already sold out.

Whereas for my wallet, I was not sure if I had made the right choice; just purely got it for the sake of it was cheaper than usual and my current one was going to be torn soon.

No comment

[Monday, 03 July, 2006]

I do not like the stress of being questioned.

Why is it just a play, though of so much effort, being held like the changing of president? Is it so grand?

Why cannot we just watch and absorb, without having to tell so much stories and feeling? Why must it cost someone more than a day of interlacing and be bothered over it seems like eternally?

I am not good at expressing myself and I hate to talk about issue relating too much to sadness.

Do you just love some common sentences that everyone can easily recite without understanding or some lines you can hear the television shows? Aren’t things so obvious that you do not even need to say to show the answer?

Forcing tends to make one’s mind exhausted.

The guilt from my sleep

[Friday, 30 June, 2006]

I did a little clean up at my work area and then updated my journals. I was packing my wardrobe halfway when my brother returned home with his girlfriend. Once again my finally raised enthusiastic was massacred again.

I was not sure when I could continue my packing work again since I had not picked those unwanted clothes out to reduce the cramp inside. Soon, I was unbearable and decided to take a little rest after the long day of tiring and disgusting camp life.

It was the night of Vivi’s first performance and I was waiting for news from her actually. But my fatigue kept me unconscious that even my phone did not wake me up from the living room when she called.

I could have brought my phone into the room and that could have woken me up. The guilt that dissolved into my body wrecked my mind somehow.

She could have so much to tell me or even grieve to complain about, waiting for encouragement or enlightenment; I failed to stay by her.

The worst parade

[Friday, 30 June, 2006]

Even though everyone was so motivated this time and the PA system was so well set up, it was no about but the worst parade I had ever been through.

Kwang Han and I started off the moving after I got back from the MPH to help 2SIG solve a problem. The rest joined in after we almost set up everything except for the rostrum.

The sound was terribly bad at first until I went to the mixer and realised the effect mode was on; it reflected badly on the experience of the rest.

Everything was soon nicely done up and some of the big farks were down there complaining about the rostrum being old and ugly. It was exactly the same one which was used for all parades but we were told to bring one of the theatrette ones down.

The lab technicians gladly helped us again and spirits were still high until we reached the parade square and we were told that the VERY NICE rostrum was too big. Needless to say, we had to bring it back to the third storey.

ISM tried to console us that it was part and parcels of life and we could not voice out our angers of course since we were the lowest shit of the organisation. But his words accidentally implied the truth that the organisation was crap and such nuisance often happened.

So what if I were the one who gave that stupid instruction and the big farks were the ones who carried it all the way down and then towards the centre of the parade square, would they pardon me if I did not even apologise at all? Where on earth was fairness and why are ranks so important when people were not accordingly ranked based on capability, knowledge and attitude?

We carried it back with cursing and swearing all over the building and we did not stop until we got back to the parade square.

What really hurt me most was the fact that PES E guys who were not supposed to do any exercise had to carry things; if I could I would have stopped it. Therefore I concluded once again the PES system was a crap, not because it did not work but the official did not follow the rules. As for me, I had no intention to worsen m injuries again just before ORD but I had no choice; I knew as a leader I had to do the work myself, unlike others who actually had the commanding power in hands.

I was furious when I was told that when Quek asked some of them to arrange the cables properly after being messed up by the changing of rostrum, ISM told him not to be so polite. It reflected badly on him for the first time, changing my opinions about him.

The parade went well except for the noise caused by the wind hitting the microphones at times. The location of our system was unable to allow us to see the rostrum and therefore we could not switch on and off the microphones whenever necessary. There was a sudden lost of signals at Kenny’s wireless microphone when 1Wo Lim (the only person who smoked around the camp everywhere) played with our system by crossing the antennas over. We were penalised on this two points.

While we were keeping the system, everyone had already left for the food. Kwang Han and I went to collect for the rest but the queue was ultra long and that there seemed to be only two small snacks and a can of drink for each person. We gave up the idea of waiting. It was so pathetic.

A second, third, fourth and indefinite chance

[Saturday, 01 July, 2006]

I am all messed up. I do not know if I have been having illusions or my mind is too creative that I have been hearing you change your minds so often.

Are you covered up by her faults that you are blinded by her kind soul?

All criminals have a kind heart and therefore am I wrong that I am seeing them by their surface only?

Should that scheming priest who kept the money from donation to himself be pardoned? How about that sucker from NKF previously?

What if they say sorry now and then start to do a bit of community work, are you going to say they are really changed people?

A leopard can never change its spots.

Or at least, do you think a villain can change himself suddenly when he wakes up from his sleep?

We should give people a second chance, depending on what crimes they have done; it all judge on case to case basic and how sincere he can be.

But, how about someone you obviously know she can do all the wonders of influencing other people’s thoughts to turn against you whenever she feels like it or even when she starts to get jealous of you?

I have been told of all the good and bad things she has done and in my mind I clearly know how well she is as a person and sadly, everything does not reflect well of her.

So the story of her began with how pretty she looked, how big her boobs could be and how sweet she treated you but then she could be so evil at times. Then the complimenting continued until she gave negative comments about us, you promised to stray away from the devil.

You did not stop trying to put in good words for her before the examination results were out and she turned your kindness into insults due to jealousy; she gave you all the troubles and tried all means to make every friend and teacher turn against you. She successfully turned you into a paranoid and you almost broke down and even thought of distancing from me.

Suddenly she apologised to you and you believed she did everything just for the sake of you somehow, so ridiculously. However, the return of the fairy did not make you stay close to her again for whatever reasons. There was still some backstabbing and non-invitation to you for class outing.

In the end, she came back as an angel just because she had some money to spare and sweet words to bless around.

The fool always had some imaginary problems to solve; to comfort and to express all his concerns. All along he was behind the fight against the dark force which did not exist at all.

He is insane and should be sent to the mental institute as soon as possible.

The second first

[Friday, 30 June, 2006]

The HLS was conducted at a different place from usual; the SI parade square. Since most of the more able body personnel were taking a longer route for the AHM training, it was another good chance to perform myself.

I was supposed to be in front of the running party but another unit beat us in starting off. We followed behind in steps until others did not follow instructions and overtook us, I decided to bring some glory to my unit again. I began to solo and then started to overtake the people one by one.

As I reached the main road, the small path was congressed with people who were running for the AHM. I faced difficulties in overtaking them, using extra strength to move to the grass areas where there were a few construction work; however, I tried my best to keep my speed constant. Just as I reached the junction where the HLS and AHM runners spilt their ways, there were only a few persons in front of me.

I never wanted to give up, keeping my pace at a reasonable speed, emerging the first runner soon at the end of the CCK Park when some of them stopped to drink water. I was strengthless just before I could turn into the camp but my mind was strong still. Just then, my left toes began to tremble as I was going to get a cramp anytime because I had not recovered completely from cramp the night before.

My effort paid off. However, the fear of worsening my injuries never left me.

Everyone could have thought that I was fit because they did not understand the pains I was undergoing and that they did not realise it was my determination that I had outshone the rest. It was a battle against the weaker parties anyway; nothing much to celebrate about but I was still proud of myself.

Commander’s talk

[Tuesday, 27 June, 2006]

It was a good initiated talk though probably at a wrong time. Soon after the HLS it was conducted and that everyone did not have sufficient time to cool down.

The new head was a quiet-looking guy but he impressed me with the good start off. He used the World Cup as a tool to dilute into his men.

I was not sure if he was nice because he was new or because he was born like that, his mouth spoke words of comforting and encouraging.

Nevertheless he would not know that often if you remained silence and got over the ill-treatment or unfairness, it would be better than you sound out and get in clashes with people obviously more scheming than you.

After he took his leave, ISM continued to mobilize us. He was funnier than usual and that he placed my team into greater delights; the past few weeks’ of suffering was very recognised by him. Though we did not receive any reward, it was relieving enough that he understood how enthusiastic we had worked.

Was that enough? We still got backstabbed by lots of other departments. Office politic was a terror.

Never say die

[Tuesday, 27 June, 2006]

The first time ever since so many months, I got to run in the HLS (healthy lifestyle) in the good weather.

The phobia lay within me for I had not jogged for months and that it was ultimately long since I last jogged around five kilometres. With the cough and sore throat, and the lack of sleep, I really doubted my ability to finish the tracks.

I really wanted to train myself up again though I was not sure if I should be jogging, at least not on hard ground. I was also ready to point to the medical officer if anything went wrong since he did not give me any excuse status after I presented him with the specialist’s letter.

I took off with my right thigh aching; I had not recovered from the exhaustion of the volleyball friendly matches two days ago. My knee caps were loose as usual and it greatly caused the fear within me.

However, as I moved on, the pains were no longer significant. My legs just seemed to be numbed from the aching and that I was too determined to complete the run. I emerged the first runner soon after I got out of the camp.

It was a good chance to take the lead since many people had gone for the AHM (Army Half Marathon) run instead. So, I persisted on though I had begun to feel my knees weak.

There was a minor problem that I did not really know the ways at the park. It actually slowed me down a bit when I had to figure out the actual paths.

On the returning way, the encouragement from the ISM was great but when Shep jogged past me, she found it weird that I could run even though I had been on excuse status and yet I was the first at that moment.

I was not sure who were behind me, but cared only about myself. I was expecting to be overtaken soon but I was quite lucky in fact. Near the finishing area, I almost could not make it anymore but somehow I was very determined not to stop.

It was my first time to take the lead but was too weak to showcase myself at the 2SIG parade square after I reached.

Finally ORD mood

[Monday, 26 June, 2006]

With the completion of the past two COC (Change of command) parades, mind was set to an ease. There would not be a major parade in my remaining days. Near three months to ORD, I finally had a little feel of the mood. As compared to all the more senior batches, I was much more responsible; at least I did not slack down since eight months ago.

It sucked when new manpower was not allocated and that it was not the end to setting up of PA system. Even the fire drill required the system and we had big problem over it when they specified to use two wireless microphones.

We managed to connect a few smaller microphone cables to stretch to the bottom of the stairs. Though there would be lost of signals for sure, it was still much better than using the wireless ones. We could provide up to one cabled microphone in this way.

There was a great idea to move the whole media rack to the flag pole nearer to the parade square but Quek did not want it. He insisted on providing two wireless microphones. He dug up cables from the PA room which I had not seen before and refused to give up no matter what. All of us stood there watching, could hardly do anything to help him. I was too sleepy to figure out what he was doing, feeling so helpless.

He moved the whole wireless microphone’s receiver to the flag posts in between the parade square and the PA room, and then, the big power cable drum was used to send electricity over. The “new” extended cable was stretched back to the mixer inside the media rack just outside PA room. Since the receiver was nearer to the parade square, there was less loss of signals.

The firemen played with fire and that the kerosene caused headaches in Gilbert, me and another guy.

I was supposed to collect the stuffs back from my sister in 2SIG together with Yuqing but she was out of camp. I waited while I approached Jianhao to collect back the room 3-12’s key, where I met Mike and followed him throughout.

There was still some stress in my mind; I wished to complete everything but it seemed not within my reach sometimes. After a long wait, I personally got the stuffs from my sister and then passed the CD to ISM.

Staying back for night lesson was not a big issue anymore when jobs were equally distributed and that I did not have many chances to do it anymore. It was good with Ah Boon and Rongji’s company after all since they had to stay for lessons as well.

Until I was able to leave the place, I realised a few guys had claimed overtime when they were not even around at all. There was a big disappointment and badly reflected on the trustworthiness. Although there was not much of my problem soon, but it might get out of hands when others got to know about it and all the validity of the hard work might be soiled as well.

There was just only a little of ORD mood, more yet to come.