Something kept me occupied the whole afternoon; I was so distracted. How could they be so big? Where were the coins that slipped in between? I would not be able to remove my hands even I were to place them in between.
A day in camp
Thursday, 30 May, 2006, I unleashed a sigh of hatred. It was yet another stupid day in camp where work had never failed to siege me. Frustration was all I gained and perhaps, some sort of endurance as well.
Morning was to set up the PA system again, but this time for the parade square instead of MPH. Drizzling had stopped and we had to wait for instruction to whether to proceed on.
The funny thing was to retrieve the three microphones from Shep’s table. I did not want to disturb her from work and since she had taken a peep at me, I took them without a word. She halted me after a few steps away and I knew what she wanted. I put them back in place, which managed to draw some amazement to her face and I was safe.
I was glad that the guys were working hard enough that I did not really need to carry any heavy stuff at all. The system worked after some time before we could start into our cold breakfast. After that, contractors came to check the ceiling for water leakage but instructions were not clear that Ben and I wasted our time waiting at level four. At eleven thirty, I went for the office duty, to sit inside Miss Lee’s office for an hour during lunch time, which was a very waste of time.
It was not an easy lunch again with calls from the office to interrupt. Then, Gan called me to ask for the keys to the old lecture rooms when I was rushing back to the office and tasks were awaiting for me at the theatrette. I tried calling back to the office to search for the keys but none could confirm whether we were holding on to them.
Gan told me the bunks for the CSOs were taken back to house trainees and they were given permission from their superiors to take one of the old lecture rooms at level six instead. I went back to the office to pass him the keys to check out the rooms, telling him he had to return them no matter what, unless permission from my superiors was granted.
I could have followed him up but the organisers for the theatrette event had arrived and the rest of my colleagues were either busy or having their usual “MIA” routine. In the end, one of Gan’s colleagues had taken the keys out of camp to duplicate. Though it was really a small matter for the rooms were empty afterall and I would certainly give them the permission if I had the power, the failure to uphold my responsible stricken me till today.
Back at theatrette, I did not expect the bastard to be in charge of the event. During the third Signal Institute anniversary event at MPH, he called the shots as well; though very successful, his attitude sucked so much that I He was with Logan a moment ago to fuss about the courseware and probably because of Logan’s rank, he tried too hard to suck up and even screwed Rongji over nothing.
The usual problem with the sound cable caused his displease. He wanted us to get Quek down but we could not contact him since he had lost his phone. This bastard gave his attitude again, saying, “I don’t care. You all better get him here before I come back.” A child with little brain would know it was impossible since he was without a phone and that superiors had no oblige to inform their subordinates about their locations, that bastard’s dream was too bad but to be shattered.
If *** did not fund us to get better equipments despites the repeated reporting of the faulty and lousy equipments, we could not do anything. However, the other supposed-to-be spoilt cable was working fine and thus it saved us all the troubles. I worked for the sake of my professional and certainly not for bastards.
In the meantime, I did go back to the office to get stuffs up and when Wah Chuan was there to return the projector, none of the people inside the office could be bothered to entertain him, causing my frustration. This was how things were getting on there, which really disappointed me so much.
That evening, I had a busy time at the main office as I was on duty, sadly had to make Sam wait for me. We left camp together with Yuan Le and Jonshit, across the streets for dinner but Yuan Le went home first. Sam and I went back to camp after that and he treated me to a can of beer.
It was good to stay inside the office but Sam preferred a bed to air-conditioner. Since I was the one asking him to stay overnight, I had to abandon my colleague and accompany him at his bunk. It was a peaceful night.
His philosophies
Quek should compile a philosophies book of his own, publish it and everyone has to study it; government should then enforce on the reading of it, setting a module for all students, which is essential to pass in order to advance to the next level of education; it should weigh more than the English language subject and replace the “Morale education studies” and “Social studies” subjects; everyone has to pass this module before they can be issued license to work in Singapore.
As usual, I started to bomb him with questions yesterday while we were waiting for others to join us for work after their breakfast.
I began to tease him by saying after the area was settled, he would certainly be bored to death. He said “no” because he could never finish the work in the whole camp; there were areas to be done up like the PA system room, the AVA office, the “Store” room #1-14 and the theatrette.
I probed him that no superior had appointed him to do these up and that everything was left behind like junks since so many years ago and that he would not be staying there forever, and he could choose not to pick up the shit of others. He replied confidently that everything was linked together somehow; in future even when I go back for re-service, I might go to the same stores to draw items.
I talked about credits. He did not mind even if the upper sectors did not appreciate him, not even if 007 was given the credits instead when he was basically a boar to everything we did, and often, even caused troubles to us. He stated that the commander would be able to judge things properly as well.
There were many other theories he tried to educate me on, of course, not so clear to me yet. I was so impressed by his broad mind and willingness to sacrifice, his benevolent, initiative and all other factors I could never find in a person in this unholy world.
He had this plan to make the whole camp a better place, where people could work closely together without the selfishness; five years he would need. If he had a greater say or power, I believed he could do it; I really hoped so.
A lazy hero
There was a wallet on the seat behind the wall near the escalator. I knew someone must be left it there without noticing as it slipped off the pocket.
I was lazy to care about it, think that someone would take and bring it up to the control room.
The back feature of an old man looked like a cleaner walked past me. I thought that was a good sign until I realised he was a passenger instead.
I saw him as a weirdo since he reacted like he never saw the wallet. At first I thought he was lazy like me, which was rare.
He placed his handbag to intersect the line of sight between me and the wallet and then he sat at another side of it. I sensed something wrong immediately.
He sneakily put the wallet into his pocket and totally ignored my staring. I knew I had to do something, walked towards him and questioned him.
He claimed that the wallet belonged to him until I gave a longer and sharper stare at him. He started to fumble and thought it belonged to me. I took the student card out with his apologising before I walked confidently up to the control room to hand it over.
The man asked if I wanted to leave my contact number behind but the owner was not a girl.
I wondered if I had done a good deed; I could have taken it up in the first place instead of being such a “hero” to confront that guy.
Beach before John and Felix's enlistment
It was not easy to play volleyball with an injured finger. I could not lock my hands together, which resulted in very bad digging. Same went for spiking, the dear of triggering the finger held me back. Afterall, my skill had rotten so much.
We met at eleven and blissfully, we needed not wait so long again like my previous beach outings. It was great to be with my juniors, because I kind of “watched them grow up” in their character development part of their lives and I could see the innocence.
We started off buying tickets for the paper bends at Sunsetbay since I did not want to make things difficult for Andy again. The price had increased to $5.50 per pax already.
Windy day was a nuisance to volleyball players. I had bad games until I borrowed the nail cutter from Andy. The real games started only when we played against other teams. We played it well until tiredness caught us.
I did not do my best at first as to not seek too much attention when there were girls in the opponents’ teams, until when opponents started to play unfriendly, I was too weak to do anything. The last game was against Peifeng’s friends whose height beat us. They suggested playing standard rules, which almost disgusted me to puke.
Saving the first all with setting, dropping balls with finger tips and setting over of second balls, they played the game just like indoor volleyball, too outrageous for their initiated rules. For around ten offences committed, they only admitted for the one ad only once. We lost them by a small margin, but never wanted to get back any glory with the rascals.
Da Zhang had lots of creative moments and he managed to utilise my memory card fully when I always thought the 124MB XD card was big enough. In the end, we had to delete off those “missed” moments.
There was no group photo on that day. We could have more fun other than just playing volleyball.
Dinner was at Seah Lm food centre. Out of nowhere, the frustration just made me gobble up food like chay kway tiao and roti prata.
The girls at a different table left earlier, whereas the guys were waiting for Felix and I could not afford to waste anymore time.
Farewell BBQ to John and Felix
It had been long since I last had BBQ at Parc Oasis. The GESS volleyballers had organised one this time as a farewell to John and Felix before their enlistment this weekends. Basically my previous weekends were burnt out with their company.
I met up with Mrs Ng, Sichun and Yuting at Chinese Garden MRT. Mrs Ng complained to me that I was always missing in action but she never knew I was not informed of events sometimes.
Sichun and I dipped into the water soon. It was dark and without a goggle, I almost barged into a few girls couples of times. I could not even see if they were pretty or not. We could have stayed inside the water longer if not for Chuanjie’s call; we went out to fetch him and Jinyang.
The night was somehow quite boring. As compared to the previous gatherings, the older ones had more noises and of course joy. Was it due to everyone had grown more mature or an unaccomplished dream prickling?
The outing at Suntec City
Last Friday, the outing did not turn out good as expected. I should have a better plan to prepare for the worst but in fact, nothing could really be done.
It was Seah’s idea to meet us out after he had RODed and found a stable job. He wanted us to plan for everything including people to call.
Just as I was busy with many things, it added on to my workload. Things could be better if everyone was spontaneous but seriously it was impossible when it came to a big group outing.
Again, it was a good chance to test friendship and I expected who would be keeping in touch with me after we bid each other goodbye by end of this year.
The morning was the beginning of a guilty day for me. I had asked Yuqing to pick me up since the RP would not do spot check on cars. So, I was able to bring my camera along. I met Weichuan at Jurong East MRT like usual and then I invited him along.
I never expected it to be the same weird day like the previous time; Kwang Han rang Yuqing up for help as he was going to miss the second shuttle bus again. This time, it was worse when Yuan Le needed help as well and there was still another available seat until Mani suddenly appeared. Since Weichuan could afford to take the third bus, we had to abandon him after the fifteen minutes wait with me.
As the day went by, I realised more people from the TRMS office were joining us. I anticipated more problems, like some people might have watched the movie or simply disagreed to watch; the movie might have been sold out as well.
Evening arrived and Gilbert insisted in going home first even though he did not stay as close to Suntec City as I; whereas James had missed the first bus and had to take a cab down. I tried to contact Seah to inform him that we would be reaching soon but he did not pick up my calls. Them, I was told that we had to wait for Louis as well.
There was a problem at the ticket booth as expected. Ivan had watched Ice Age 2 and then Yongfu and Tze Siang did not want to go home too late for the Ultra Violet show at an even later timing. I called Seah twice and before he could give me an answer after his useless questions, the lines were cut off.
We managed to seek his agreement sometime later. Gilbert, Louis and James had already arrived. Just as we were buying the tickets, Tze Siang and Yongfu had also decided to join in but James had to meet other friends still.
We had another problem as Seah did not know the place well. I took up my frustration and tried to guide him to where we were – Carrefour. My throat was extremely dry because I had not had even a slip of water since lunch and I had been raising my voice so much.
Suddenly, another problem aroused when Seah mentioned about Lim’s arrival soon and that we did not buy a ticket for him. Dinner was finally settled at “Just Noodle”. I was glad that everyone was not so particular about food.
Though the name of the restaurant told us that they were specialised in noodle, but the choice of food with rice seemed to be more. I ordered “deep fried chicken” set meal for $5.80, which included free flow of peace tea; it was tasty and certainly quite worthy of the money.
Lim arrived soon and claimed that he had watched the Ultra Violet show already; though I was not sure if his words were true, that was a relief afterall such that we needed not worried about getting another ticket.
There were full of craps and bullshit like usual. The greatest joke of the day was when Yongfu pointed out at the water point when a girl was over there. She was back-facing us behind the wall to top up her water and her bare-naked shirt at the top back made her look like naked. Yongfu was just so lame that I could not stop laughing for more than half a minute.
The scenery was good with numerous of cute girls anyone could expect at a small place. One of the sweet girls reminded me of Carol and she was so girlish looking. There were also injustice situation like a guy with a large group of girls dining there.
We went up to the arcade after our dinner. Then, we started taking group photos despite that the movie was beginning soon. We missed a few minutes of the show in the end.
The story plot was not very interesting but the animation was quite well done. Towards the end of the less than one and half hour movie, I felt so sleepy.
There was nothing to do after that. Since not everyone was as easy-going and self-sacrificing, I did not want to risk being insulted with my suggestions. We strolled towards Cityhall MRT and some left, leaving Siu Hang, Louis, Fredrick, Ivan, Seah and I behind.
It was a mistake to not go home. We had no idea where to go under money restriction. We walked around Clarke Quay, Raffles Place and Chinatown for hours until we sat down at the coffee shop near Outram Park MRT. I took two pieces of roti prata while we chatted there for hours.
As it started to rain, we left and tried to find a shelter. We could have hanged out at the entrance of the MRT but they did not want. Suddenly they walked off and I followed behind with my big bag. I tried to ask them for the destination but they did not say until we were near SGH block nine, they were heeding for Ivan’s house. I felt so dumb for them to walk in the rain as I could not afford to fall sick for the BBQ and beach the days after.
A sudden gasp of disgust filled my mind, blaming me for being a dumb. I was in a total fixed for Peifeng’s project and my so many unfinished journal entries, and yet I was wasting the whole night like that.
Even though I knew clearly where Ivan stayed as my auntie was staying at the next block, it was the first time I went to his house. We camped at the living room and I stared dozing off.
Leaving a memorial
I did tell myself before I will never be sad; but somehow, I realise it is not a matter of choice.
Feeling – you cannot control it totally.
No matter how I can make myself laugh loudly or cheekily, it cannot ease the pain underneath.
I cannot buy things with sincerity; I know I have been wasting my life.
If it is such a simple request, why has it been refused? But it is not the first time already.
Humans are weird.
Looking at her
Boredom just filled the mind.
There she sat down like a princess, looking so sweet and friendly, yet unapproached.
There was too big a distance somehow; in the past there was nothing interfering and cheers could manage to saturate in the air.
Avoidance was the prime suspect, which had caused the isolation. It could also be lack of self confidence, which had buried even the slightest hope.
In this night, there was no luck; it was meant to be a defeat.
Responsibilities
For the past two days, I had been struggling in camp to help Ou Xiang with her project. Indeed, there were more free time ever since Quek arrived with his large benevolent sword and witty shield.
Life still could be improved more, but certainly not within his or anyone else’s capability. It had been a trend in the whole disgusting place, where people made lives more difficult, especially for the kind souls.
There were too many reasons why nobody could really do their self upgrade or any personal project even with the large amount of slacking time, except for Jonshit, who simply ignored most of the daily job scope. It was still alright for one out of six workers to care only for his personal stuffs or just sleep around, but it would soon become disastrous when others were beginning to follow.
The frustration outburst when I held another round of conference for reflections in my mind. Newbie Ben had been doing so much work recently, allowed me to spend more time on the project. However, the extremely short interval of interruption from absurd people had drawn too much helps from my office.
When Ben was gone, I had to stop my work soon. I hated it when selfish people could not judge the importance of things. Between someone who was doing his own project, someone who was playing game, someone who was chatting in a corner and someone who was just dozing off, who should be the one entertaining the crap when the door was opened?
I was not a jury, but to me, I would choose any except for the one doing the more useful thing; maybe others would think likewise (probably he was one of the other three “someone”).
Back to the project, I had told Ou Xiang long ago since she first asked for my help that she had to give me all details as early as possible. I just received her email a few days ago, which contained a document of report, with all the findings I was not sure of; there was no instruction or anything else.
I was told to do a website with that lengthy report. When I saw that one of the tables was a whole image file by itself, I asked her if she had any typed version of it and she said no. She told me she had no time to type it out and she knew her other three team-mates would not help her with this. So, I was left speechless because I was not sure if I should be helping selfish people who did not even care about their project and expecting my Ou Xiang to settle it by herself.
The dateline, the expectation and friendship dipped me in a pool of confusion. Then, I was stupid again.
Out of despair, I seek help from Edgar who kindly helped me with the transferring of data from that image file into texts. After doing a neat and tedious insertion of the first part of the report into HTML tables, I tried to upload my work into my email before book out. Then I saw the email from Ou Xiang inclusive of the text version of the image file, and also, updates of the whole report.
If there was any change in the first part, my earlier efforts would be gone to waste.