Dear Dreams

I did not know what has gotten into me that although I slept early the night before, I still felt tired for the whole day.

Was it because it was another day in camp?

Camp sucked. No matter how life had differed and improved from in the past when nobody like Shep had taken notice at fairness issue, though she had over-reacted often. It was less than five months to go before ORD, life still somehow not up to my ideal one.

If I were to compare myself with friends from other active units, they went for exercises and had more physical training. They would most probably be very envious of my work, but they certainly had gained more fun, muscles and friendship; some of them were even free by now and slacking all the way having coffee breaks everyday. For me, I was not sure when I could get out of the place I would call hell how long before the actual ORD date.

So, what was I displeased with other than just a few cocky assholes in the camp?

Whenever I passed by Kenny, Warrant Sundra, Captain Phua and others, they made me smile so happily. That was not enough.

The phobia in doing things was still around and had around for more than a month already. I had been feeling lost so often.

As everyone got closer and happier by playing games together, another problem was created. Who would be doing the work? So, it was either to join in the fun or to find something else to do outside the place.

I was not sure why calls were often meant for me and everyone got lazier when there were things to do. So, in times of emergency, there were always requirements to solve things by oneself.

Was it my dream to get away since beginning? Why did I almost lose the chance?

[Tuesday, 02 May, 2006]

The worst thing in the morning was to realise my diary cum notebook was not with me. I started off a fruitless day on the train then. Someone might have read the contents over the weekends. Luckily I did not curse him in this new book but my URL was on the cover.

A worse day soon began in the office; the endless calls almost turned the place upside down. We searched high and low, climbed up and down the stairs and travelled to and fro the Spectrum; a big shot conducting a lesson there, creating too many sudden requirements.

The peace resumed after we had exhausted ourselves, before we started a little LANs gaming together.

Afternoon, Chen De wanted two of us to take over him and Ben at the Spectrum. The secretary, aka the bitch, created problems for us even before the lesson began. She insisted one of us to be gone.

I could not be bothered much about her since I knew how arrogant and bitchy all along since a year ago, until she started to kick more fusses. She pin-pointed us for the chairs we moved to the system’s corner to sit our butts.

I would not be on a losing end if the sound did not cock up, it was not our territory but after all I knew roughly how the equipments work. It just could not produce any sound with the bitch barking around, my already exhausted mind could not solve it with the irritation. She asked for Chen De and I took the chance to escape from her personal inbuilt body PA system.

I made stupid trips to bring small PC speak over. Chen De did not stay after that and we left Yuqing behind alone.

Hours later, Yuqing called to ask someone to take over him. Since Kwang Han was having tuition in the evening and could not stay behind, I was the “only” candidate. So, I spent the rest of the boring hours there with the lousy projectors, worrying it might fail me anytime.

I hated to pack up everything alone and hang them all over my hands to bring them back to office. I hated to cloak just half an hour of overtime and miss the free shuttle buses and having to go home alone. By the way, I stayed for an hour but the overtime timing started only after half an hour – how stingy and unjustifiable.

It was a night when even dinner looked so unappetizing.

[Sunday, 30 April, 2006]

I was napping in the early afternoon when my phone rang with an unknown number.

It was from 007!

He was asking me for the passwords to CAI computers in my office and I told him only the CAI personnel had them. He did not trouble me anymore and said he would call Rongji himself.

I started to panic soon when I recalled Rongji did not off his computer because he was downloading something which was very slow and he had left it on over the long weekends.

I felt weird for 007’s enquiry and thought there was an emergency problem until Ivan told me he was the complex duty officer.

It was either for work or personal business. As far as everyone had known, he was a slacker and certainly not workaholics; it could not be for concern about the courseware. He could have used the computer in the CDO room or even opened up his favourite cosy E-plaza, probably not wanting to let the duty clerk see his affairs or the guard duty prowlers to gossip.

Anyway, I checked up with Ben and Kwang Han who were being called up too. They told the same thing to 007 that AVA personnel did not have the CAI passwords; we did not know which part of the language he did not understand that he still continued to ring each of us up.

I suggested to Ivan that we should speak to him in Tamil.

Nobody knew what happened in the end because Edgar did not pick up my call and Rongji did not reply my SMS.

Even though the office was kind of messy, the renovation work was part of the cause and thus, hopefully he would find more useful things to do than to complain to his subordinates, who were also our bosses.

Five more months to ORD!