Dear Dreams – Page 218

The second day she was away

[Thursday, 13 July, 2006]

The second day Vivi was in her school camp, living seemed so weird; at least it was better than she left for Malaysia. It was still bearable for us as she had smuggled her phone to Lim Chu Kang and thus I was still able to hear her voice for a while every night. What really worried me was her safety and welfare.

She called me suddenly in the early evening and I promised to let her know when I got home. My anxiety got me nowhere as my mum asked me to buy dinner together and then help her collect three big bags of incest papers from her friend. I reached home a bit later than usual and there was no reply from her.

This night when I was not tied down by anything, I tried to make good use of my time. I continued with editing of my site and blogging. However, I was not as efficient as expected and my plan to at least pack a little space in my wardrobe for my new shoes remained a dream.

Her sudden call at a later hour was not at a right timing, since my elder brother was on the phone, I had to use my own mobile phone to call her back. She was as sweet as usual, telling me how much she missed me. I sank into the blessing of her love.

Duties after duties

[Tuesday, 11 July, 2006]

A sudden feeling of annoyance came within my mind. I was about to release myself from all the stress since my duties would be over soon but things got piled up again.

The upcoming parade (again?) fell on the same day as my last main office and flag lowering duty. I was then told of the marshalling duty which was on the same day as my physiotherapy appointment.

I did not know how to sort them out.

I could have swapped the marshalling duty to this week but my physiotherapy appointment for this week was on the same day. They were out to destroy my calendar.

Thinking back, in the past days where there were fewer duties to do, life could be much better. They added in more and more things for us to do and yet they took away all the privileges. They took our sufferings as their best form of entertainments.

I cannot believe it that our presence in camp always seem to create problems for them. Being scolded and insulted, no matter how our efforts have proved things right, it is always our faults. Then why do they still want us to go back every day, refusing to let us rest at home when we deserve the rewards?

A simple Sunday

[Sunday, 02 July, 2006]

Having breakfast together with my family at the Amoy Street food centre was a history. Every of us missed the “Lor Mee” stall a lot but we were rarely free to go there together. Each of us was busy with our own commitments.

When my dad was still around, my brothers and I would take the plain noodle, and my elder brother would usually take two bowls. The gravy was nice of course such that even without any meat it tasted splendid.

This time round, my elder brother’s girlfriend joined us. It was a relaxing noon with some jokes around. Everything was great except Vivi was not around.

I set off for volleyball at BMCC. It was not so fun anymore with too many people around, having less chance to touch the balls. Wilson and Mingen’s presence was a surprise.

After which was the trip to Queensway with Jamie and Weitat, whereas the rest had either left earlier or gone for mahjong game. We stopped by the petrol station first before setting off. We did not spend a lot of time at the shopping centre but to leave for dinner at the hawker centre nearby.

It was a simple yet relaxing day.

I doubt my own conscience

[Tuesday, 11 July, 2006]

I searched my soul for a clear conscience but to realise sometimes I could not help going against my own principles.

I was overjoyed to be given a chance to see Shep for interview; but it was not as simple as what I had thought.

I was told to fill in the lines with fake sentences for around seven interview entries. They were supposed to be filled out by the person who was interviewing me and that every couple of months it should be done.

I did not know why I had not been interviewed for the past year after the one and only time when I first came. There were two extra entries which I had not seen before, which were obviously being drafted up by someone without my knowledge.

I remembered asking Shep for an interview when she first came as the stress and cruelty of the place had ruthlessly deprived me of my freedom and cheerfulness, but she declined my request to seek redress. In fact, to the best of my knowledge, superior was supposed to grant an interview upon requested, but sadly, I was not entertained.

Imagine if I were given the interviews regularly for the past year and that anyone from the higher level was to read it (which they should be), many dark secrets would eventually be unfold and that our unfair treatments would definitely be eased. The stories to the cold-blooded medical officer and the physical abuse to the medically unfit people be raised and redressed.

This time, my job was to fill up the incomplete entries, obviously with only good points about the welfare throughout my stay, which I had to tell lies. With millions of unwillingness, I lied on the booklet to cover up for the loopholes of the creatures; I would not want to create any problem when I was just about to end my service term and that I did not want to trouble Shep.

To sum up, I was not given interview when it was very necessary despite my request, someone had forged the interview with me twice, I was not given the supposed-to-be once every couple of month’s interviews and I was being told to draft up the interview contents myself with good words.

The organisation had once again proven me the darkness of humanity era.

The longest HLS run

[Tuesday, 11 July, 2006]

As usual, the shuttle bus that was supposed to come at 0645h (after the change of time) was late. It deprived the purpose of me waking up early and rushing down. As the timing continued to screw up, being at the odds, we could not do anything. The top level obviously had no sympathy for poor guys who stayed out. Who knew the timing might be pushed forward more in future?

I could only be right on time (usually would be earlier) after opening up the office and changing my clothes. However, snails strolled in despite being late and thus causing problems with the accounting of strength. The delay and mess was pathetic.

We started with two rounds of running and then out of the gate and to the park. This time I was putting on a causal gear and eventually stored enough energy. There was a guy in front of me but he was nowhere to be seen and that the people at the finishing point claimed that I was the first to arrive. I could only conclude that that guy was of a different running group.

Before I could rest for the exhaustion from the run, just when Kwang Han came back, Elvin had gone down to the parade square to approach me. There was a power trip and the place was in chaos when there were many lessons going on. At first I was expecting Kwang Han to go up with me but to realise I was actually alone with Elvin and Siu Hang.

The switch board was a stranger to me even though I had been near it for more than a year since we always got the contractors to fix it for us. Chen De was taught before but he seemed to be lying inside the coffin and could not be found anymore. Whereas Quek was not around but claimed that he knew it.

In my drenched shirt so smelly, I was on phone with him for over fifteen minutes when the stupid organisation was not paying for my bill. Regardless about the bill, using one leg to keep the door opened, holding the phone on the left and pushing the hard switches with just one hand was a torture when I had just finished my run. Soon I realised there was condensation at the internal part of the phone’s display.

I lost count of the times I had climbed the stairs and had immune to the sight of the trainees who had seen me so pathetically in my PT attire that did not seem able to dry up even given an hour. It did not work.

It was not fair for I was problem solving it when the rest had claimed that they were too hungry and had to go for breakfast; was I not hungry when I ran even faster than them?

I checked and confirmed that the whole level three was down and when I went back to the office, people came in for alternate rooms. So, as I was trying to contact Mr Tay, I had to entertain the thirst of the trainees and instructors. I was shocked that Mr Tay was no longer in charge of the building because another company had taken over the maintenance after their contract ended. He gave me a number to a guy called Edmund but I was given the same reply.

After settling all the room issues, having to give away keys of equipment rooms in order for the lessons to resume, I set off to find Rajoo. Blackie was at the parade square and he gave me Rajoo’s new number in my furious looks. Then Rajoo gave me the technician, Mr Peh’s number. He arrived in a minute in his pickup and swiftly solved the problem. There was however a failure at one of the power points and I had to get keys to all the rooms to unfold it. In the end he realised it was located at one of the girls’ toilets.

Next, I quickly went to open the theatrette as I saw the schedule wrote commander was giving a talk there. Jacky Foo sent me a message to hinder my movement, requesting to use the theatrette for his next lesson and I told him another platoon was using it already. I was just in time for the trainees to come in before I stayed inside the freezing control room to wait for the arrival of the commander anytime. Being almost frozen in my wet PT shirt, I waited for more than half an hour.

Suddenly I received a call from Jacky who asked me again if he could use the theatrette for his lesson. I declined since it was already booked. Suddenly I realised it was not a good idea to be too close to instructors to avoid extra work. After some time, he called me again, saying there was a problem with the projector. I left the control room in the fear that commander would arrive anytime. Then, I realised he had only switched on the power source but not the projector’s switch. Then the keyboard could not work, I quickly dashed down for replacement but there was no connection also. I solved it by restarting the computer.

Rushing back to the theatrette, I asked the trainees who told me the commander’s talk was cancelled; however, their lesson was going to begin soon. The DXO came just in time and I fixed the place up for him.

It was eleven o’clock already.

Still in prints

[Tuesday, 11 July, 2006]

Suddenly I begin to see a different picture of things. Everything may just seem too beautiful right now but it may not be like it appears.

Because time can be the evil and distance can be the devil, I will never let a slack out of them. But can reality be changed? Can chances be bought? Can the history be erased? Can I implement the isolation from unnecessary troubles which will at the end comes back to me as a causal passing remark, which I will not be able to advise anymore?

The deletion of the fore hero seems too tricky that everyone is still able to start guessing; whereas, comments and promises to wipe out are too vague. If you put them in print and state a different opinion, there is bound to be confusion.

It casts a thorn in my flesh and a sabre in my heart that I am of a great distortion, being harassed by the reality and unforeseen.

Am I insane? Do I have the ability to judge and counsel? Am I seeing things clearer than anyone else? Are my eyes playing tricks on me and am I bringing myself to my tombstone?

Are you mature enough to distinguish between your interest and fantasy?

Actions speak louder than words.

Jacky Foo and I

[Monday, 10 July, 2006]

Yesterday afternoon, my phone sounded and I received an unexpected message. It was a Sunday, a holiday, yet the message was about work.

Luckily it was from Jacky Foo, one of the indirect superiors whom I liked most that I did not feel as bad. He was asking me in a polite manner to prepare a PowerPoint slide for his lesson. Of course I would do him the favour for how respectful he always treated me and the enthusiasm he had for his lesson.

He was once my “discipline master” for my course in the past and we got closer after working together a few times. I was sure that he had witnessed my good working attitude and that was why he was nice to m that he even wanted to pull me to the ROC trip if only my ORD date was not near.

In the morning, just as I passed by the gate, he had sent me another friendly message to remind me to help him prepare for his lesson. In fact, I would not be paying special attention when I was in ORD mood already; it was all for him. After opening the place, I went back to office to retrieve the latest lesson plan and suddenly I received an urgent message that the old copy could not be opened. He was quite cute.

After everything was fixed, we had a little chat and he expressed his concern for me and my family.

My debt

[Monday, 03 July, 2006]

After I returned Yuqing’s uniform to him, he asked if I could get my mum to help him sew all the new tags to his uniform. Though he had offered money, I declined.

We were so good friends in camp and often he helped me with things besides sending me to the MRT station. Even for normal friends I would not want to reject their request but this time I had no choice and was certain that I should do it.

I owed my friends for their friendship but my mum should not be the one repaying; it was my own efforts that counted.

I would not want to collect money from any friend as well; if I had done so, I would have lived a more comfortable life. As for my mum, seeing her help me with my uniforms were bad enough and she might injure her fingers; besides, it would reflect badly on her if her boss misunderstood that she was taking her own business secretly.

My mum is sick again

[Sunday, 09 July, 2006]

I want to go back to camp to accompany Kwang Han but my mum is very sick.

It happened somehow last night when I dozed off early and was waked up by my family at a certain time. Even though it seemed to be something serious that they were going to the hospital, I dozed off soon again.

I woke up in the morning, late for volleyball but was glad that everyone was at home, sleeping soundly. It just seemed like I had a bad dream but later I realised it was the fact that my mum was not feeling well.

It was the second time in just this two or three months that she had gone to the hospital, which was quite bad. This time she was asked to go to the specialist at National Heart Centre.

For now, she starts to experience some pains around her chest. She cannot exert herself too much and even when she talks she has to use little energy to make herself soft. Somehow it is hurting to me.

Seriously, I doubt the attitudes and skill of western doctors after all my experiences. Following on would definitely be more wastage of time and money when the specialists start to ask her to go for more testing and scanning, which would require more waiting time. What can they do in the end?

Maybe, she is lucky enough to meet some real good doctors? We still have to try.

Sentosa – trekking, beaching, Skyride and Luge

[Saturday, 08 July, 2006]

Gilbert caused all the weariness on everyone’s face. I did not know trekking was so tedious until he gave me the experience.

He messaged me that he would be late for fifteen minutes and I was all prepared to be later than him since others would probably not be earlier than him. I dragged on and did everything slowly and even went to get a bottle of mineral water at 7-Eleven. I caught Gilbert at Outram Park MRT after I transited; it was so coincident but anyway we were late for half an hour and the rest was there already, namely Tze Siang, Yongfu, Ivan and Siu Hang.

We went to Harbourfront Centre to get more mineral water and also some buns to fill our stomachs. Then, we proceeded to Sentosa Island. We started with discussing whether which bus to take when I kept confirming that it was the Blue Line because I always took it to the Underwater World to stroll to Siloso beach. However, suddenly we started walking instead.

Ivan and Gilbert had different opinions on the route to take as Gilbert wanted to take the sheltered path instead. I had a cold sweat because flaming at the beginning of the day was a very bad indication. Things got well but Gilbert’s determination to comb up the Mount Imbiah, making detours caused our exhaustion. My feet started to ache again soon and it sounded stupid to be on slippers. It was a good experience anyway.

Lunch was at the Subway near Butterfly Park. I called Vivi to ask if she wanted to eat with me but since she did not reply, I decided to accompany the rest instead. It was the first time I bought food at a Subway outlet and was very lost, making a fool out of myself somehow.

After which, we stopped at Carlsberg Sky Tower and Gilbert wanted to take a photo with it when it was two metres from the ground. After waiting for some time, he gave up. We decided to proceed to the beach to meet up with Peh but ended up at near the Merlion instead. I roughly knew the way but did not want to set up a Three Kingdoms’ war.

When we were certain of the route, I decided to go out to fetch Vivi immediately instead of making a big detour from the beach. There was a group of guys at the back of the bus and one of them was singing “Kiss Goodbye” so disgustingly. I went to the MRT’s toilet immediately and soon I heard the same song and voice again when I was inside one of the cabins.

Seeing Vivi was a fascinating moment. She was in her sportiest looks, wearing a sleeveless shirt, which she would never wear out of her house. Submissive in her charm, I seemed to be living in a dream to be with such a sweet girl. The tiredness to go all the way out to escort her when I was exhausted was worth it.

We went to Palawan beach to meet up with the rest as Peh said that Sunsetbay was fully booked already. They were having volleyball game upon we arrived. The opponents looked very serious in the friendly match and I heard they were practising there just for the upcoming beach competition. Their efforts seemed pointless when all the same competitive players would eventually win the tournaments and that their skills did not even match the average skilled teams.

Anyway, I joined in the games but sometimes I was helpless when the balls went out of my area. The wind and low net also prevented me from doing my best. Actually, I had fun other than playing volleyball; the teasing with Vivi and the fight with Siu Hang kept me occupied. Nevertheless it was the greatest feeling to have someone so sweet to try to clear all the sand on my body even when I was wetted with sweats.

It was great that she was able to communicate well with my friends and that similar to me, she found Gilbert cute. Though, she could be childish sometimes to dislike their teasing by calling me intimately just like she always called me. And when I “flirted” with Siu Hang, she started to ignore me.

After washing up, followed by a short stop at the 7-Eleven, we went for the Sky Ride and Luge. It was cool to be up in the air with the person you loved. For her, I had to brave myself up and cover my timidity, holding her hands and assuring her her safety. But still, I had this fear in my brain that my slippers might fall off anytime. The Luge was fun and it could be fast enough, except that little kids were blocking the ways and I had to keep an eye on her that I did not go all the way down. Unfortunately and disgustingly, I went out of track at a curve when I was looking back at her. Overall, the money was well-spent because of her.

The next stop was dinner at Harbourfront’s Seah Lm food centre. The shuttle buses were very cramp but it was great enough to be with my dearest girl and good friends. Gilbert was quiet and totally shagged that we felt so weird. Gilbert, Peh and his girlfriend went home immediately while the rest of us crossed over the Harbourfront Centre to shop around. By then, I was already floating in the air of love.

My feet were giving me pains more than ever, especially when I was carrying the big bag. The final destination was of course her house but this time I was so tired that I asked her to spend a quiet moment with me somewhere at the neighbourhood but her neighbours had already “booked” most of the places. Knowing that I ought to take a rest before moving on, but I hurried home immediately to doze off an hour later halfway through the MSN chat with her.