I was meant to stay at home

[Sunday, 11 June, 2006]

My younger brother went Johor with my mum. I should be out of the house too if it did not rain again.

At first, Tze Khit had planned for volleyball at BMCC until he realised Mingfa was training his CTSS teams. We had no choice but to cancel it.

Gilbert planned for a cycling outing at ECP instead but the guys were kind of reluctant the night before after the KTV outing. Then, it was cancelled again.

Mingfa suddenly messaged me in the morning to ask me down for his training. I was so glad that I contacted Kailin immediately to ask her along. However, the sunny sky suddenly turned dark and the rain washed off all my hopes to step into the place again after so long.

The day was not a waste after all because I got to meet up with Vivi and accompanied her to Pasir Ris. I was so happy because I got to see her thrice this particular week, though of short intervals. The lonely journey back home was worth it.

I managed to “pack” my hard disk again to sort out the files. Then, I spent the rest of the day sleeping under the hugs of the comfortable weather.

Wet my socks, freeze my feet

[Saturday, 10 June, 2006]

I hate rainy days because they foil my outings. I hate going out when it rains because I will most probably get wet. I hate my shoes getting soaked because it reminds me of the bad times which might be the cause to the numbness on my feet.

It started to pour just before I stepped out of my house. My shoes and socks were wet when I arrived at the Party World Karaoke at Orchard. The feeling was not good. I went in to join the rest in the freezing room with the air-conditioner hitting directly from my top. Taking off my shoes and socks, my toe on my right foot had a cramp for seconds in the middle of the singing.

Singing was fine. Everyone was able to blend together by singing each song together. However, I did not really like it since I could not hear my own voice and thus had to raise my voice; since I was such a lousy singer, it would cause me go out of tune and breathless. There was lots of crap anyway.

After that, we (Gilbert only) had a little shopping at Marina Square and then dinner was at the food court, followed by a quick stroll at Esplanade.

I cannot see World Cup matches

[Saturday, 10 June, 2006]

Just as everyone was rushing home to catch the world cup match between England and Paraguay, I thought I could have a different night by joining them.

I was not a soccer fanatic, but I did watch matches when my elder brother switched on the television. For this world cup, I was hoping to see just the England matches because I was always watching the English Premier League and undoubtedly developed affection for the country’s soccer team.

Anyway, I was announcing the match to my brother when I got home, even though I knew he definitely knew the schedule when I only got to know it hours earlier from my friends, but to my disappointment, he told me we could not watch it.

I was puzzled as he had reapplied for the SCV cablevision just for the sake of watching the World Cup matches. Now, the person told him he had to pay extra money for it since he had applied only for the basic package.

I visited Soccernet.com for the live commentary and when the match ended, I realised I was lucky that I did not waste my time to watch the real play because there was no score other than an own goal at the early third minute.

The surprise visit

[Saturday, 10 June, 2006]

Her sudden appearance caused a blank on my head; it was so shocking. I did not expect to see her at all.

I was moody because I knew we could only meet up for once a week. There were too many barriers causing the restriction to see her and in the midst of depression, I unwillingly accepted the fact.

So as my mind was set to the worst scenario, the surprise was too great a present for me that my joys overwhelmed the whole tired body though it was the second time she did it.

Her sweetness had conquered me. No girl would do as much as her to make me happy; she took the effort to meet me for a while before her rehearsal and ran all the way from the Outram bus-stop to my house.

I was guilty as I could not send her to Pasir Ris due to the appointment with my friends.

Don’t want to sleep

[Friday, 09 June, 2006]

It was not that the night was sinking but the previous days of inadequate sleep causing weariness.

I was stoning in the middle of the room, unable to concentrate on the television show. There were times when my eyes were watery and that my head fell flat on the table top. The phone that I was holding to could not leave my hands and ears. I was more than happy to hear the angelic voice, regardless of how shagged I was.

She was exhausted as well. She just wanted to press on despites the encouragement of me wanting her to go to rest. She really wanted to chat with me.

It was not as though chatting on the phone and internet were sufficient; they were not even ten percent of the enjoyment when we got face to face and chatted side by side. At least, these were the best we could do when we could not get to see each other.

Another event at theatrette

[Thursday, 08 June, 2006]

One week after the Signal Work Plan Seminar, another event popped out in the theatrette – the 8SIG Manpower Talk.

It was supposed to be Chen De’s duty as he had taken off on the actual day, Tuesday, and thus he had to return the favour on today but he actually took MC. He should be the one doing it since he had to stay back.

Ben reminded me that the theatrette needed to be opened and thus I went up early in the morning but the 8SIG people did not come as early as they had booked the place. They came almost two hours later and I realised I was required to stay there the whole day.

Then, all the shit came as they did not as for the equipments in advance. The 9 volts battery was another problem for 2Wo Ng insisted me to get them for the wireless microphone and that Shep and Rajoo did not even give any for the previous major event. Luckily, Yuqing managed to get one from Ah Boon.

My plan to clear some of my credits at the E-mart failed again after two months. Since it was opened only during Tuesdays and Thursdays, the crowds and my workload together with my medical appointments stopped me.

It was during lunch time, I got my greatest disappointment when nobody came up to take over me. I called Gilbert and he told Yuqing to contact me and then got me a burger after lunch time. Though it was kind of a communication problem, I was never feeling ease. I would never want to get involved in theatrette event anymore.

Through the breakdown

[Wednesday, 07 June, 2006]

There were these tears wiping the eyes in the darkness. It was the same warmth like before but never too calm.

The boy clearly remembered how reluctant the girl was the day before to continue the vow to fulfil their dream. There was stuffiness within his chest and he almost died suffocating.

She gently impacted a long lasting kiss on his cheek, not knowing he was still upset, and unexpectedly turned him sober; he knew things were back to normal and that she had overcome her stress that he was finally relief.

He hugged her tightly, implying that he never ever wanted her to leave her; she exerted as well to show the same demand. They both loved the intimacy.

She was the girl who he would always stay faithful to and he was the guy who she would always seek advice from. They loved each other too deeply.

Operation for my calf

[Tuesday, 06 June, 2006]

I could not get to sleep the night before when I started thinking of my problems. I decided to go to the MO because I was going to ORD soon and my problems needed to be solved as soon as possible.

So, at first he asked me why I did not attend HLS (Healthy Lifestyle) and I told him because I wanted to see him. I did not want to wait until I finished walking (I was banned from running because of my injuries and that it was quite insult to be in the walking party) and then had to get a long queue for it.

I started telling him about my eyes problems, the fact that they got itchy very often and that at night my eyes would be reddish. He, being the most unprofessional doctor in the world, tried to play me out by threatening me to go back every night to let his medic witness my eyes. Whereas for my nose irritation, he did not give a damn over it.

I showed him the small blackish lump at the upper part of my left thigh and he claimed it was mole immediately; all the more experienced doctors in the past could not figure it out and did not dare to make any hustle judgement.

He was still smiling idiotically with his medics when he asked if I had anymore problem. I showed him the big lump on my left calf muscle and he was kind of shocked. However, I was not sure if he was serious this time that he asked if I wanted to go for surgery. Then, he said he would book an appointment with the specialist for me.

Lastly, I told him my back was aching badly and needed some muscle rub.

I waited outside for very long until I collected my medicine. There were a bottle of cough syrup, a tube of muscle rub and a bottle of eyes drop; there was no nostril spray to stabilize my nose’s problem.

The medic called for me some time later and then I realised the specialist I had to see was the General Surgery one, which I already had an appointment with but weirdly, it was for my gastric pain.

After that, I asked if I had any status slip and was told that I did not ask for anything. I felt that was ridiculous since it was obviously the lump and other injuries were causing me problems and the doctor should be giving me something even though I was already excused for many things. It was also a usual practise since Tekong time that a “normal duty” status slip should be given for any visit to the medical centres.

Anyway, I was not sure about the operation. The MO obviously was young and ignorant that he proclaimed it immediately without even asking for x-ray to be done. However, if it was really necessary, it had to be done before ORD.

Day of furniture shifting

[Monday, 05 June, 2006]

Four months to ORD, my luck refused to pay me visits again. Health Lifestyle (HLS) was changed from every Wednesday to every Tuesday and Friday, and that timing was shifted fifteen minutes earlier. The worst thing was the shuttle bus timings being shifted half an hour earlier. Waking up was a problem for everyone.

Morning was to check for the availability of the projectors. It was in a mess. The chart was not updated properly and that transaction was not noted in proper places. The expired stuffs were not asked back as well and that nobody cared. I was in fact very sick of doing all the jobs already because since day one when I was posted to the place I was collecting and worrying for all the “shit” while others were enjoying. I knew I need to slack down a lot because things would eventually be done and solved; just the time and urgency that mattered.

It had been long since I had massive copying of texts in written form. Quek instructed me specifically to do the job. I was not sure the reason but gladly accepted it.

As usual, I tried to finish up the job as soon as possible. I finished up half of it before lunch, causing the minor tremble on my hand. At the same time I felt stupid, for others would probably take at least a week to finish it, using it as excuse to stay out of work. It took too much to practise crafty.

After lunch, I joined the rest to rearrange the office. It was already half done up with the heavy cupboards placed in positions. I was actually quite excited because I loved new environment with shifting of furniture and that was why I hurried them to start cracking in the morning before I was tasked to do the copying job.

Thing were going smooth and suddenly Vivi called me to lighten up my day. I started using the office phone as she was outside and that it was loath period and thus people would seldom call in; it would be a good cause for others cannot connect us to give extra work and that we just had to claim that the phone was not placed properly.

However, half an hour later, Ben told me to stop using it and soon, things started to get hectic. The opening of the FFR room for contractors required opening of the lab at the next door as well but the lab technicians were doing their usual snoozing in their “secret hideout” and I had to approach them myself and do the entire job.

Soon, Ivan called me because the office phone was in use. It was because the conference room’s projector was giving problems again. I quickly took one set of projector along to the room at the other building but things were already under control. I did not like it that they tried to sound as if I was slow on my pace when I had got there in speedy minutes; it was obvious they did not try hard to fix the problem themselves before calling for helps.

Back to office, I continued with my copying work. I finished it to realise my hand was very weak and started to slack around, watching Ben do the packing enthusiastically. Office was done up nicely. It was a very good work by Ben and that we had a very spacious and greatly located resting corner at the back. It was in a strategically good location.

I wanted to rush home as soon as possible but Yuqing asked me to accompany him for dinner at the coffee shop opposite. Since he was alone, I nodded. We had quite good chat.

It takes both persons

I have never been so determined for phobia always searches my soul. I am a coward who fears so much of setbacks though I am used to them.

No matter how strong I can be, it leads to nowhere when I do not have the ability. And at times, it takes both hands to clap; and thus one person alone is definitely not enough.

I do not mind people mocking at me when I know I am making the right choice and doing the right thing. I have overcome all the pointing and questioning from various people and am facing everything bravely.

I have never turned back and hesitated to doubt about my goal and direction of way; I have never regretted.

I am giving in my best, are you?