The tiredness

I’ve been working very hard for the past two days in the shitty camp. However, to compare both of the days, I find the first day with only Kwang Han and I inside the office more worthy. It may be weird to everyone why I would choose over a day with only two man-strength over a day with five,

Hereby I empathise again – it’s the people who make the place. I prefer working harder with people who strive together, unselfishly, than working lazily with people who skip around; and definitely not working like a bull while others slack like pigs or kings.

One thing I don’t understand is that why some human beings can be so self-thought that they push most of the jobs to the newbie instead of setting good examples. But somehow I know the logic that if the rest try to be fair to themselves by slacking ultimately as well, everyone is going to be doom. Life is always unfair but no one is forever a pushover and benevolent does not mean ignorant.

I was so tired that I dozed off just now and missed my favourite channel 8 show – “Shao Nian Zhang San Feng”. Somehow I got pissed with myself and felt too lost to do anything.

Nothing was done, except the uploading of the three photos into the journal entry of the GESS volleyball beach outing. It could be done a day ago but Blogspot was too lagging for the processing. Anyway, I was so lazy that no editing was done to the photos and I didn’t even bother to upload more. I didn’t even have time to edit and upload those photos taken at Rehan’s house.

These days, I wasn’t very resourceful during travelling as well. I took out the book but my brain was too tired to execute anything with the pen. I was trying to finish up a short love story with the last two chapters but something was stopping me from putting down my thoughts into the papers. It was going to be tough if I didn’t complete it soon because of my short term memory. I had even forgotten the title which I always wanted it to be in the past few months.

The tiredness is suppressing my brain from coming out with quality language such that my writing, including journals, is making sense. It would be over soon, I hope.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

Survey 080206

CRYING SECTION.
Ever really cried your heart out?: never
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: maybe
Ever cried on your friend’s shoulder?: no
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: maybe
Do you cry when you get an injury?: no
Do certain songs make you cry?: maybe

HAPPY SECTION.
Are you a happy person?: not sure
What can make you happy?: take photos with babes
Do you wish you were happier?: no
Is being happy overrated?: maybe
Can music make you happy?: maybe

LOVE SECTION.
How many times have you had your heart broken?: 10++
Have you ever loved someone so much that you’d die for them?: yes
Has anyone besides your friends and family ever said ‘i love you’ to you?: liars?

HATE SECTION.
Who do you actually hate?: cruelty and realistic of life
Ever made a hit list?: no
Have you ever been on a hit list?: definitely
Are you a mean bully?: perhaps
Do you hate George Bush?: no

SELF ESTEEM SECTION.
Is your self-esteem extremely low?: never
Do you believe in yourself?: no
Are you good looking, do you deny you are?: ugly
do you wish you can be someone else?: maybe

I HAVE..
[] done crack.
[] done opium.
[] done PCP.
[] done prescription narcotics for recreational purposes.
[] huffed air-duster.
[] been to a rave.
[x] ridden in a taxi.
[] jumped a ramp with a bike.
[x] been dumped.
[x] been used.
[] shoplifted
[] ran from the cops.
[] been in a room of your school that you could get suspended for being in
[] been fired
[] snuck into a movie.
[x] been in a fist fight.
[] got hit by a car
[x] fired a real gun.
[] snuck out of the house.
[] been arrested.
[] gone in a mosh pit.
[] stolen something from your school.
[] Celebrated New Year’s in Times Square.
[x] Gone on a blind date.
[x] Lied to a friend.
[] had a crush on a teacher
[] celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.
[] been to Europe.
[] been to Australia
[] been to Hawaii
[x] skipped school.
[x] thrown up from drinking.
[] played ‘clue’.
[x] had a sleepover.
[] gone ice skating.
[x] been cheated on.
[] had your tonsils out.
[] have a car.
[x] driven a car.
[] Totaled a car.
[] flashed someone
[] been flashed

DO YOU.. (right now)
[] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[] feel happy.
[x] hate yourself.
[] have a dog.
[x] sing along with your music.
[] Dance around your room in your underwear.
[] listen to Hawaiian Music.
[x] listen to rock
[] listen to punk
[] listen to hip hop
[] listen to rap.
[] listen to country.
[] listen to reggae.
[] listen to techno.
[] listen to hardcore.
[x] listen to pop.
[x] listen to r&b.
[] listen to jazz.
[] listen to indie
[] listen to christian music
[] listen to bands that can’t be put into a category.
[x] have hobbies
[] skateboard.
[x] Get good grades.
[] play an instrument
[x] have slippers.
[] wear boxers.
[] wear eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[] like the color pink.
[] like the color red
[] like the color green
[x] like the color black
[] like the color purple
[x] like neon colors
[x] like to read
[x] like to write.
[] have long hair.
[] have medium length hair.
[x] have short hair.
[x] have a laptop.
[] have a pager.
[x] have a cellphone

ARE YOU
[x] bored.
[] happy.
[] upset
[] Hawaiian
[] brunette
[] a redhead
[] Samoan.
[] Philipino.
[] Korean.
[] French
[] American
[] Italian
[] Black.
[] Mexican.
[x] Asian
[] a Christian
[] a Muslim
[] Polish
[] Irish
[] German
[] Austrian
[] Other.
[] Russian
[] Norwegian
[] No clue.
[] a Hindu
[] a scientologist
[] agnostic
[] satanist
[] religiously confused
[x] short.
[] average
[] tall.
[x] realistic
[x] an emotional kid.
[] talking to someone.
[] IMing someone.
[] scared to die.
[] buzzed
[] high
[] caffeinated
[] annoyed.
[x] hungry.
[x] thirsty.
[] on the phone.
[] in your room.
[] drinking something.
[] eating something.
[] tickilish
[] listening to music

LOOK AT ME.
What is your current hair color?: black
Whats your natural color?: black
What color are your eyes?: black
Current Piercings?: cock
Straight Hair or Curly: straight

CURRENTLY WEARING.
What shirt are you wearing?: none
Shorts: yea yea
Shoes?: nope
Underwear?: yea yea
Necklaces: no

THIS OR THAT.
Rock or rap: Rock
Coffee or Hot Cocoa: Hot Cocoa
Wild Night out or Romantic Night: romantic
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Hummer or Sports Car: sports car
Bracelet or Necklace: necklace
History or Science: history
Sleep in or Early to rise: sleep in
Beach or Boardwalk: beach
Hoodie or Tee Shirt: tee shirt
Night or Day: night
High School or college: college
California or Florida: don’t know
Simple Plan or Good Charlotte: neither
Love at first sight or Learn to Love: any

HAVE YOU EVER.
Kissed the same Sex?: no
Hugged someone?: yes
Been on the phone until the sun came up?: yes
Put a song on repeat for more than an hour?: yes
Laughed so hard you peed in your pants?: no
Got in a fight with someone?: yes

THE LAST.
person you talked to in person?: mum
person you talked to online?: gilbird
person you talked to on the phone?: forget which ass
drink?: milk
laugh?: real or fake?
last time you had a shower?: not long ago
Do you like surveys: do you love me?
What kind of shampoo do you use?: forgot
Do you get along with your parents?: depends
Are you old enough to vote?: yes
Do you have mental breakdowns?: depends
Did you ever tell your parents you didn’t feel good so you didn’t have to go to school?: yes

CURRENT.
-Current Mood: confused, lost
-Current Music: none
-current hair: bold
-Current Annoyance: ??
-Current Longing: ORD
-Current Thing I Ought To Be Doing: SLEEP
-Current Windows Open: notepad, internet explorer, microsoft word, picture folder, adobe photoshop, mozilla firefox
-Current desktop picture?: wall paper of pictures taken during chinese new year eve
-Current Favorite Music Artist?: too many
-Current Book: none
-Current CD in stereo: none

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

The TRMS Christmas outing

Chua was a freak. He SMSed me at two plus yesterday morning to ask if I had given 007 the photos taken at Rehan’s house. I didn’t expect he still remember after so long and I thought it was all settled.

I answered him “yes” with a “goodnight” immediately but suddenly I remembered I had passed him the CD the day he came to camp to collect his pink I/C (identification card) and told him to do it on my behalf since I didn’t want to see 007.

For now it would depend on my mood to do 007 the favour. He is on long leave for his new born child and recently work has been a hectic in camp, which he will never realise the effort my team has been putting in (of course not everyone). Recently he has been smiling a lot and sound friendly but I realise our backs are always bleeding, so, I really have to consider wasting my time for him; unless if he asks me in person, I might be too soft to be mean.

Anyway, I haven’t updated on the outing on 23rd December 2005, due to time constraint. I keep dragging it as more things pile up as there are just too many things to work on; and since I’ve been quite anti-social for the past few years, it also increases the unspoken thoughts in mind. Inspiration can be gone very soon, and therefore sometimes I just allow stories of events to be delayed.

This outing was one of the greatest I had in my one year plus of army life; it was so because we could officially skip a day of camp life. Although not the entire group of people are very welcoming, almost all are my good buddies in camp. I didn’t know how much budget the camp had given, but it wasn’t the money that counts.

Meeting at Commonwealth MRT, quite a number of them were late and expected. It took us a long walk before we reached there, a condominium with badminton and tennis courts, as well as two small swimming pools.

We had only around an hour of time to use the facilities before lunch and I tried playing tennis for the first time in my life. I realised I was more suited to play golf. While some of them were playing badminton, the shuttle cock got struck at the branches and they had fun trying to get it down.

Chua and I decided to go for a swim and too bad none of them wanted to join us except for Shep’s son – Joshua. Since he was looking for swimming companion earlier on, I called Chen De who was at the house and he was brought down. This boy was very cute and started to abuse Chua who almost got angry with all the violent kicking and punching. To me, it was really a fun period of time.

We took many photos and then went up for lunch and Rehan’s maid made it a splendid one and everyone was filled to gain extra weights. We had spaghetti, salad, mushroom soup, Sri Lanka fruit juice, pizza and some other food. The best attract was the massaging chair which gave an almost total body massage. Everyone didn’t want to get up and I didn’t mind going there again for the massage, especially after a tiring swim.

In the gift exchange, I got back a useless large pen which I didn’t mind throwing away. It was so super duper useless and uninteresting for a mature adult like me. However, I was surprised by 007 who gave each of us a present, which was a t-shirt.

Since there wasn’t any plan for the afternoon or evening, I stayed there even though we were officially “dismissed” after lunch. It started to rain as well but soon began to drizzle. In the end, Rehan drove some of us in his Jeep to Commonwealth MRT and that was the last err of our outing.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

Phobia for camp

Yesterday while I was napping in the afternoon, I had a dream.

I was late for camp but I could never get there no matter how hard I tried.

I took the train and then switched to a bus like usual but I seemed to have taken it at the wrong direction.

Just as situation was bad enough, it became worse when I realized I was wearing PT-kit and shoes, and had to change into uniform before booking in; I had forgotten to bring my boots along.

Suddenly I became so clear-minded that I realized it was impossible that all these craps could have happened and I knew it was a dream. I told myself to wake up and I was relieved instantly.

This dream had nevertheless proven the phobia I had for the camp’s life.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

Tired Sunday

I slept throughout the whole morning and then the afternoon. Although I had woke up a few times, even to take my breakfast, I didn’t spend too much time not lying down.
Blogspot was down and then I redirected my domain (http://sillydumb.com) to my website instead of the journal page (http://sillydumb.blogspot.com). It was my itchy hands to try to change the DNS host name of my domain to Irwin’s webhost, which caused the down of the domain. I didn’t know how long it would take to be up again.
I failed to do what I wanted afterall. Currently, my domain was used as redirection only and my intention was to point it directly to the website, so that it will not take an extra step from the domain name to the actual URL. I wasn’t good at such stuffs anyway.
The day wasn’t fruitful as the down of my domain name had implanted the “sian-ness” in my brain. Basically, nothing was done, except for the new picture I edited out of the photos taken during the Chinese New Year Eve, which I uploaded into my Friendster account (previously http://www.friendster.com/profiles/sillydumb). I had not even added a caption.
The thing that had captivated most of my attention was of course the television, which greatly distracted me. My mum was the culprit who left it since the afternoon. I had tried so hard not to get addicted to more serial shows but it didn’t get to my head on this strengthless day. I even got a headache out of no where for a short period.
The good news was that Mingfa and Andy’s team got champion in the Surf and Sweat game. Since I wasn’t participating or refereeing, I didn’t go down. Maybe I should have joined them at the beach as well to further tire myself out.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

GESS Beach after so long

I felt itchiness all over my body. Even though there wasn’t much sunlight in the afternoon, I seemed to have gotten sunburn from the beach outing. It was a rare chance to be down there with my ex GESS juniors.

I was late for nearly an hour. I spent nearly half an hour to put on my contact lens for my small eyes and long eye-lashes which made it difficult. Then, I took them off since my right eye was feeling very uncomfortable. My mum bought breakfast home before I could step out of the house, thus causing more delays. I waited for a long time for any of the bus 145 and 80, and decided to take the train instead. I missed the train at TG Pagar and then another one at Outram, which further caused the lateness. Luck wasn’t with me.

Anyway, I was expecting them to take their breakfast and thus I needed not be on time. Huimin was late as well and John was even later than me. It was then I realised Sichun and Junrong weren’t going.

Khong Wee told me story about the current secondary four juniors who didn’t care about training and made Khong Wee and Huimin go down for nothing thrice. I realised they were a batch of idiots who cried crocodile tears in front of Mr Ng’s corpse a year back, promising him that they would do their best in the game.

I couldn’t really remember their faces but I had been always wishing to get attached out of camp and spend some time to help them, which I was wrong all these while. They deserved to be thrashed and whacked hard on the faces by opponents’ spiking, that their spectacles smashed, eyes swollen and nose bleed and I would give a good laugh if that ever happened.

I finally collected back my Islander card. The news that there wasn’t anymore beach line turned me off. We took the blue line to the beach car park and transited to the beach tram. The place was very well renovated but it was going to be constructed so grand that it didn’t seem like a beach anymore.

Andy was working there and thus I needed not pay for the fee. I didn’t mind forking the money out since it was quite a rare outing, but of course it was good to save my five bucks.

I used so little energy in the games since I hadn’t recovered from my chest discomfort, backaches and when playing against girls I had this phobia from playing at Clementi ITE with the bitch’s cursing when I did my spiking hard.

Our main challengers had this act “stylo” manner, quite friendly, but I didn’t really like. The bad thing was that the guys and girls were kind of being separated into two groups for the whole day. The drizzling rain spoiled some of the fun as well.

John’s team-mate was cute. I had fun crapping with the guys and looking at girls. Maybe it was due to the cold weather that we had less two bikini babes to look at, since Feng En and Huimin didn’t remove their tops; or maybe Huimin did it on purpose since I joked with her a few days ago that I finally had the chance to take photos with her in bikini.

Anyway, while playing two on two, John gave me enough running and diving to shack me out totally. At the later part of the games, together with my backache, I couldn’t offer enough help to tame down the opponents’ fames. Hungry men were weak men.

We left the place as early as five plus since it was still drizzling. Dinner was at Seah Lm food centre but the girls and guys were separated again and then we (the guys) left earlier.

It could be a better day if more people had turned up. We were missing Junrong, Sichun, Xavier and some others.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

Being sensible and responsible

I was lying on my mattress while watching television show, knowing I was tired enough to doze off but I was too tired and had to obligate my disabled body.

My mum woke me up for my phone ringing thrice. At first I felt frustrated but later I realised it was our usual trend when the phone rang and it was a good practise for in case of emergency call.

Mingfa wanted to ask if I were going down to the beach again for refereeing in the Surf and Sweat competition; I would have to but Jianhao had told me that the NTU team didn’t have enough budget for that, and so, the current referees had to work extra hard and I no longer had excuse to go down to look at babes. Two missed calls were from Siew Chin who wanted to check if I were going down to the beach as well, but to play volleyball; there wouldn’t be any court left since the competition was up.

As my younger brother was still talking on the phone, I had no choice but to use my mobile phone to call them back. Actually, I couldn’t be bothered much about my phone bill anymore; yes my mum was paying for it all along and I always made it a point not to overuse the free talk-time and SMS, until the *** started to screw it up.

They just treated it as if they were paying for my bill. The endless calls from both known and unknown numbers, to seek help or just to check my location, didn’t fail to heat the temperature of my phone up.

I wasn’t guilty of anything but was terribly upset, for my purest reputation of being a sensible and responsible phone user being tarnished, and no matter I could keep my clean sheet record of not overusing it. I couldn’t help but to feel the helplessness to life again, that no matter how hard I tried, it would screw up if it really wanted to screw up.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

Strolling alone

It was my busiest Chinese New Year Eve ever. I got home near 5pm and then tried to contact everyone for outing at night, clear all my emails and read up all my friends’ updated blogs. I almost forgot my haircut appointment at 6pm. I nodded at least thrice but luckily nothing went wrong with my hair.

After bathing, I started to do spring cleaning. Crazy it might sound like but it was the fact, on the very last moment just before the reunion dinner when my two brothers were enjoying their sleep. Alone, I made it happen, such that the living room was so much better than before (lasted for less than a night only).

I was waiting for Guoxin to come and weirdly there was no news from him. I started my reunion dinner near 9pm and he finally called when he was already at Buona Vista MRT. So, I quickly took up my first round of BBQ food and left them on the bowl to turn cold (better than being overcooked).

I brought him home and left him inside the room to burn the “仙剑奇侠传” show into CD. He was so lucky that the burner worked. I quickly took my dinner but he hadn’t finished the task; and he left the remaining job to me. Together, we left for Cityhall to meet the rest.

Kailin was the earliest, who almost had a heart-attack as I was still at home at the meeting time, but eventually I was only late for around fifteen minutes. My ou xiang (idol), Peifeng, arrived with her cousin and then followed by Siew Chin (人妖) who brought my “girlfriend” along. Together, we went to the River Ang Bao to look for Tze Khit and his mum.

We took many photos. Tze Khit’s mum was so funny that she posed looking at the other side when we asked her and Tze Khit to have a shot together. Though many friends did not go, I was still quite lucky to have the ratio of number boys to girls at 1:2 before Anqi arrived.

The vending machines sold drinks at two bucks per can, which was insane (similar to stalls at Haw Par Villa and Sentosa). The stalls were quite boring since they sold items almost the same as the previous years.

Anqi reached before twelve but she could not find us. As the fireworks started, I tried to shoot video; Olympus C-750 was not a good camera for video filming since the sound detector was not good. (Can get the video clip from me)

In the search of us, she went to Fullerton hotel and enjoyed the seats there comfortably and almost didn’t want to leave. We managed to persuade her to get her butts off and come over. By the time she found us, ou xiang and her cousin, Tze Khit and his mum had left. I met Sergeant Kenny and insisted him to take a photo with me.

We continued to tour around and buy some stuffs to eat. Then, we slacked by the roadside besides a foundation which wasn’t in operation. It was after two that they decided to go home. They took night riders and as for Kailin, she was lucky that her family member came to pick her up. I walked to the main road, walked towards Chinatown alone.

Chinatown was still quick packed at three in the morning. The floors were sticky but I continued to finish combing almost the whole place. After which, I called my mum and joined them up and left at around four.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com

Promoted

Since the whatever-whatever-F is such a cock up corporation, my promotion is not spared as well.

I was first told that after six months upon completion of my course, I would be promoted to Corporal (CPL) rank; then I heard after a year of service, I would be promoted as well. So, I always thought I would be promoted four months ago.

I didn’t attend the last parade and then I was informed in the RO (routine order) that I was promoted to LCP (Lance Corporal).

I don’t know if it is a good or bad news. Good thing is that I’m not promoted to CPL immediately, or maybe not at all; however, it also means that I might be promoted to CPL in a few more months’ time – if they promote me to LCP only a few months later, they might not be able to promote me to CPL in time before I ORD.

I prefer LCP of course; even though I get a lower pay, I need not do guard duty as 2IC and most of all, I can ORD two months earlier at 31st July compared to 30th September.

Guard 2IC requires standing for the whole day during weekends and it is so tedious for every physically fit guy; as for me, with my injured knees, feet and back, it spells d-e-a-t-h.

Ganasan, Kenneth, Ah Seng and Terry just got promoted to LCP a week ago. We are the batch being neglected by the administration side when the batches after us are already promoted.

I don’t care about the disgrace; I don’t care if diplomat and degree holders are supposed to be promoted to CPL. I just want to leave the place earlier so that my youth will not be wasted and I will not undergoing more disgrace, disappointment and doubt of integrity.

Skai Chan @ http://sillydumb.com