Dear Dreams – Page 210

FFI day

[Wednesday, 30 August, 2006]

A long day began with meeting Hong Kiat at Yew Tee MRT station. He drove me over to Kranji camp for our dental FFI. Our appointment was at 1030h but we reached at 1000h instead. We took our breakfast at the canteen. The dentist only started to receive patients at 1100h. Hong Kiat and I were the second and third in queue but a Major went in before us.

It was a quick check-up, which lasted less than a minute inside. However, we had to wait for everyone to finish their check-ups at 1200h to collect the status slips. Then, I realised my PES status was C2L2 and my camp’s medical centre did not even update me.

Hong Kiat drove Derrick, Ivan Koh, Alex and I out of the Kranji camp and dropped them near Choa Chu Kang MRT. Both of us went back camp to try to sign some entries of the clearance form before going for medical FFI. The weather was not very welcoming. We went to the medical centre but the MO was not around.

I managed to get some of the entries signed with the helps of Rehan. He also managed to help me sign the entry for “Branch IC”. Hong Kiat and I went back to the Medical centre after two in the rain. Filling up the form was a tedious job for me as I had many injuries to report. Suddenly, the medics asked whether did we go for overseas exercise before and I got the shock of my life. Around one and half year after my ROC trip, they wanted me to have blood test.

The previous time I had my blood tested was during polytechnic days and I got so dizzy after that. I had this phobia with needle that injection could easily cause trembling and drawing of blood was definitely worse. So, I proceeded on, being a genie pig for the new medic. He did not pull the needle out until his senior alerted him and I leaned my head on the table. They accompanied me to the sick bay after that.

I went back to join Hong Kiat in a short while even though the bed was quite comfortable and I was lacking of sleep. He went in to see the MO and came out in less than a minute. It was my turn then and I had lots more to talk about, which kept me inside for quite long. Luckily, the hamster-look-alike inhuman MO was gone somehow and this very muscular replacement was friendly and concerning.

I went back to the AVA office after that and was quite disappointed that I had missed the chance to spend time with Vivi for the whole afternoon. I managed to help Gan and Terry sign their clearance for AVA and CAI.

It was after four o’clock, Hong Kiat drove the CSOs and I to Choa Chu Kang MRT station and that ended my day.

Singapore General Hospital makes mistake

[Thursday, 31 August, 2006]

I never liked the fact that my mum tagging me along for medication appointments unless I was in a situation when the doctors might think I was “Chao Keng” and thus the companion of parent by the side was greatly appreciated. I knew for sure there would be definitely restriction to my freedom somehow.

In fact, the number of times I had gone there for appointments was more than most Singaporeans and definitely more than my mum even though she had lots of problems. It was just another home of mine, which I was really sick of going back again and thus needed no one to accompany me over.

I forced myself to wake up early even though I had a tough night less than six hours ago to continue with my path to success in web building. In the rain, we walked over to take the free shuttle bus and it took much longer than walking straight to block three instead; I could not help it but to abide by my mum’s instruction.

As, we arrived and waited patiently for the counter to check my appointment letter and call my name, the nurse seemed so puzzled at first. Then she turned to her colleague and exchanged some conversation. There was this line, “You go and speak to him la, I don’t want to get scolded.” The nurse went to the corridor of all the specialists’ rooms but came back without entering any of them.

She called for my name instead and I knew it was time to solve the mystery. She told me it was a wrong appointment because I was seeing a vascular surgery who would only be there in the afternoon.

Singapore General Hospital sounded so established, also being one of the oldest and well equipped hospital of Singapore, with so many talents working there, had made such a mistake.

“Do you need a time chip or excuse chip?”

Like what the hell I cared for it when I was clearing my leave and using my precious time to skip all activities to make the wasteful trip down?

If it was not for this wonderful wrongly scheduled appointment, I would have turned up in my ex secondary school instead. It was the Teachers’ Day celebration and so many ex schoolmates would be turning up for sure and it was the best chance to meet up with them and my respectful teachers. Even if there was no event, I would have stayed at home to recuperate or study for my future.

I kept my calmness, asking for the next earliest appointment and she told me this afternoon. I had no choice but to decline it since I had agreed to go out with Vivi already. So, in less than a week’s time, not even half of a week, I had pushed away the second opportunity to avoid spending so much money in my medication. I felt like being put to death immediately for sacrificing for girl again. Nonetheless it was not my fault as the fucking hospital should withhold any responsibility if the bill was to come to me after my ORD date.

This was not the worst of all, with my mum besides me. I was told the next appointments would be on Monday or Tuesday and my mum exclaimed, “Make it Tuesday, my appointment is on Tuesday 2.20pm.”

So, once again she turned a deaf ear to my rush of time, as usual, like how she did it daily. I had to repeat again I had to do the operation before 30th September so that I needed not pay for it and I had to see the specialist before booking the operation date which I did not know how long this Singapore Waiting Hospital would make me wait again.

I felt so much like telling my mum to go for my operation instead but did not want to hurt her. The nurse tried to ask me to waste my time this afternoon again and my mum was “on” for it like as if she was going in my place again. My blood was heated up to the boiling point and raised my voice in a stern matter, repeated that I had an appointment in the afternoon.

I could feel the heat on my face and the redness and darkness which they had probably witnessed. There was a background sound saying, “Give him the private one la, you see he’s so pissed off already.”

I could see the nurse putting on fake smiles. It was not her fault for she was not the one who scheduled the wrong appointment for me but she could at least show more sincerity. I said I wanted Monday but she filtered my words and asked for next Tuesday, like as if my mum was the one seeing the specialist for operation. I agreed since I had no choice and when she asked whether I wanted morning or afternoon session, I took the latter one as to fit my mum’s decision.

With details, on Monday, 28 August, 2006, around 1300h, the nurse at the Singapore General Hospital Clinic “F” (Orthopaedic) booked my appointment to see the vascular surgery at Clinic “C” on Thursday, 31 August, 2006, 1010h, which was a wrong appointment. Since they had delayed my appointment, I would definitely appeal for them to foot the bill if the operation date was delayed till after Saturday, 30 September, 2006.

Defeat my purpose

[Tuesday, 29 August, 2006]

Having failed to listen to Vivi and sleep early, I had a hard time getting up in the morning. Her sweet messages woke me up a few times and finally I got up around noon.

My plan was to go to the polyclinic and get a referral letter to NUH (National University Hospital) orthopaedic specialist for my back and knees problems. I was reluctant to leave my house due to tiredness, moreover she had told me to get her a FBT short, which I was not sure where to get.

So, I decided to go to the polyclinic first and follow by Queensway shopping centre. I told the doctor straight to point about the referral letter and he was cool about it when I had my back’s MRI report with me.

I also asked him about the problem with my body getting numb so easily but he told me it was very common for everyone; I did not quite agree with him but could do nothing. Perhaps, Chinese physicians could have done more for me.

I went to the room to book the appointment. While waiting, I asked her if she wanted to go Queensway with me and she agreed.

Since the NUH had a long queue, the nurse called AH (Alexander Hospital) instead. There was an immediately appointment half an hour later and the next one required another one plus month, which would be after my ORD and I probably would not be going. It could be a good try but since I had an appointment with Vivi, I had to give it up.

I quickly gave her a call after I finished with the booking. Then, she gave me the most shocking answer that she did not know how to go to Queensway shopping centre when her school was so nearby.

I raced to her school in order to give her a surprise, but on the way I reflected on myself and my decisions, feeling sad that I was neglecting my health for girl again. I was worried about my injuries and my PES status after ORD.

I was so worried she would take other route that I called her and she told me a white lie that she was near the bus-stop but she was actually being dragged on by her friends. It was good to give her such surprise but I could hardly smile with an exhausted mind. Then, she told me it was too late to go to Queensway anymore and refused to call her mum to ask for a later curfew.

So, I was struck again for I had skipped this chance of going to AH and yet the outing had to be called off.

The good thing about the day was that I was able to get to see more of her friends. However, I thought she might be teased that I did not bring myself forward to go near her group of friends.

Sweet sacrifices and commitments were worthwhile for sweet wife-to-be I supposed. But this long journey was too early to be celebrated about.

Our 140th day since met

[Monday, 28 August, 2006]

After knowing about my high possibility to take up an operation soon, she came to visit me at my house. She finally had some bites from the chocolate stall downstairs my house.

It was a short stay but this time I was so tired that I dozed off soon for half an hour. I sent her home as usual and just after alighting from the bus, she told me she had tuition. My memory was so bad that I actually slipped it off my mind.

I waited for about half an hour downstairs her house while she took her bath and got ready for tuition. As she came down, like a sweet princess with her fragrance, she wanted to take photos with me out of a sudden.

Our 140th meeting day

Dying in her sweetness

Usually, I was the one who urged her to take photos together. I even insisted before to take photos every time we met up, but my dream did not turn reality. However, this time I had forgotten to bring the camera and could only use my N6230I, which was quite lousy.

We took quite a number of photos before I sent her to her tutor’s house. It was another lonely journey home but she delighted me with a message suddenly.

“ It’s the 132th day since met. And baby, im still loving you. =) Hope you will be smiling MORE retarded then me when you read this message. Cause.. You can’t deny it that you love me like nobody business. Right? ”

I counted and realised it was our 140th day instead. She was so sweet and cute.

This explains how much I love her.

MSN live can use offline status to chat

[Tuesday, 29 August, 2006]

When my net friend, Melody, messaged me in MSN a few days ago, I was quite amazed how come her status was “Offline”. At first I thought MSN was having some bugs. It had been this case that whenever you appeared “Offline” on purpose, you could not message anyone to chat as well.

When Ben Lu messaged me today, my curiosity rose as his status was “Offline” as well. He wanted me to include his girlfriend’s email in my forward list.

I was slow but I went to test the MSN only then and realised in this latest “Live” version, we could message others when we were in “Offline” status.

It reminded me of ICQ. I began with it after using IRC, but I did not use it anymore. ICQ had this “invisible” mode and soon every friend started to use it. They did not want to be bothered unnecessary but I felt it was very hypocrite to be able to message your friend only when you were bored or needed help, but they could not find you instead.

This problem became so serious until my “Online” list became sacred with limited number of friends. Together with the problem of system requirements, many of my friends stopped using it, and thus reduced the number even greater. I gave up years ago.

Now, I begin to worry if history would repeat itself.

Quite neat number

In Friendster or similar networking websites, for every friend in your list, they have a few hundreds of friends as well; thus it is difficult to get a nice number of the “2 Degrees” friends.

Towards operation

[Monday, 28 August, 2006]

It was another visit to the Singapore Waiting Hospital. I was twenty minutes earlier but I waited for more than an hour.

The young specialist recognised me but I found him more familiar, probably at the beach. He was surprised to see me for the lump on my calf as he thought I last saw him quite long ago for it. I betted he did not know the queue for all appointments there were so long.

He looked at the MRI result and asked me what I wanted him to do for me. I had to take a decision whether to leave the lump alone or remove it. He left me outside to decide while he tried to finish off the remaining ten over patients and he seemed confident in his talk to the nurse.

I sought consultation from Vivi and she wanted me to go for the operation. But there was fears within me as the previous specialist had told me the operation would be bloody and messy since it was made up of blood vessels. The worst thing was that the lump might come back again.

I waited outside for the doctor to call me in but my number never appeared again. Then I saw a patient spitted with saliva before going in and I almost wanted to confront him. I told a nurse and she told me it was the same mental problem guy who had done it every time; I guessed I was lucky that I did not get into a fight with a guy who had mental problem.

After more patients had gone in, the nurse suddenly came out to find me. I clarified my doubts and the specialist said that I would be hospitalised for two or three days and would be able to walk after that; whereas, the lump might not be back. I decided to go for it.

I was referred to the General Surgery again and the appointment could be as early as Wednesday but I had dental FFI appointment. I pushed it to this Thursday, which was a mistake since it was Teachers’ Day celebration.

I was quite disappointed in the specialist not writing a letter for my FFI medical check-up to sum up my injuries. It was so irresponsibility of the specialists there to avoid spending time as to clear up the rest of the patients, especially when it was already one o’clock – lunch time.

As I put the news of an operation in my MSN nick, I saw the concern of some friends like Jasper Tan, Gilbert, Yaozhong, Kachua, Jasmin, Vanessa and Mingfa; it was comforting to know my friends cared for me.

Second photography day at Tzu Chi

[Sunday, 27 August, 2006]

I could not get to sleep somehow and I flipped over and over for almost two hours after midnight. There were many things on my mind which I could not quite remember.

In the morning, I woke up to give Vivi a morning call. She was kind of like half awake as she tried to joke with me or maybe she was still dreaming. I quickly rushed to wash up and was glad that for the first time after so many years, I packed my bag before sleeping.

It was meet-the-parent session, unofficially. Even though her dad had seen me before, this would be the first time he was going to see me as her daughter’s boyfriend. I knew I could not be late when I had to wait for them at Redhill MRT station.

I gave a call to her and realised Qizhi was late and I waited there alone for quite some time. Suddenly, she called me and I went to search for the car. To my horror, her mum was inside as well but this time I did not have cold sweat. She sat in the middle and thus I was able to sit close to her while her parents took the front two seats; whereas her younger sister was all alone behind, but having her self entertainment somehow.

There was nothing much for me to say when the family was trying to tease each other. From what she told me later on, her mum seldom had so much to say and she did it on purpose just in my presence. At least, it was better than they divert their attention on me instead.

We reached Tzu Chi soon and I was approached to help carrying tables right away by one of the “Shi Gu” (more senior person). Of course, I could not push it away since everyone was probably thinking I was quite fit looking even though I had injuries. It caused some problems to my back of course.

I was led into the kitchen to help out and was made to wear a coat, which was quite irritating. First task was to dry the near two hundreds bowls and covers with some of them. They were working very efficiently and unselfishly, and I felt so odd out actually. Filling the kettle with boiled water from the flash was one issue but I managed to stack up some chairs to place the kettle on instead of holding it at the handle and getting burnt by the uprising hot air. Then, I was told to pour four packets of instant three-in-one Milo into each of the four tea flasks. My back was aching then.

Love cookies

Suddenly, Vivi came in and passed me some cookies she had baked for me. I was so busy that I could not take a close look at them. I was hungry but it would not seem nice if the people there were to see me eat instead of working, which might cause a bad impression on me.

Suddenly, Mingxi came in with a girl, looking for food, and the cookies were just besides me, too obvious for everyone to see that I had to offer some to them. I was more than happy to share the love cookies but it was bad for me to not take the first try. Perhaps, it was not a good timing to hold the cookies. I quickly took one piece after they left but I was not an expert on tasting cookie; it was very sweet in my heart.

Halfway through, I was called to go up to take photos. Then, I realised I was helping them to clean the place with my socks. I waited up there until Meijuan Shi Gu arrived and I told them I had to keep my camera for the afternoon’s outing. Thus, I caused a halt in the beginning of their work to take photos of the first performance.

I started working with their camera. I loved the start-up speed of it such that I could switch it on and off without much delay. The focus was quite impressive also. It was quite a good experience to take photos around at such event since I had only been taking photos during my own outings.

However, the lesson ended late and I started to panic yet could not do anything. My feet were aching as well after walking about without wearing shoes. The lunch was much better than the previous one, which was great as well; vegetarian noodle could taste so well.

After lunch, I went down with the two seniors to share my photos. I gained so much from them about photography skill as they pointed out my mistakes. One thing I felt helplessly unfair was when they pinpointed my stability when holding the camera at the last hour of shots as I could not tell them it was because I was so hungry and deprived of sleep. It was a great break-through of my photography “career” but hopefully I would be able to apply the theories. I was also criticised for lending Qizhi the camera earlier on. It was also a situation which I was struck as I needed to leave immediately yet it was impolite to leave when two seniors were trying to give me pointers.

As we rushed off, one of the Shi Gu offered us a ride to Seng Kang MRT. We got changed inside the toilets and I waited longer than expected outside for her and she came out to tell me she was taking her own sweet time. I was quite disappointed as I looked at the time, being like three hours late already for the beach outing. Then, she lost her phone and actually placed it inside the toilet as she went in and did some tidy up of her hair again.

I was dead beat by then. As I tried to find comfortable positions to sleep on the train, she disturbed me and suddenly an old lady knocked me on my left shoulder. I knew it was unintentionally and we started to chat with Vivi looking so puzzled on my right side, kept asking me if I knew that old lady. I tried to be polite by chatting with her since she was alone despite my head going to fall any moment. The old lady alighted at Chinatown and later on, Vivi finally allowed me to lie on her shoulder but we were just one stop to Harbourfront.

Babysitting Bing Bing at Jurong East

[Saturday, 26 August, 2006]

Quek called me at around eight plus the night before to ask about going to swim at Jurong East. I was on the train back from Yongming’s place, and promised to let him know by nine o’clock.

Since the rest of them were happily singing karaoke, I thought it was easy to get them to agree just by one call. However, I was wrong that Gilbert was too busy singing that he did not pick up my repeated calls. Then Ivan proved that all of their sense of hearings got problem, however, was a bad news.

I did call Peh, Edgar, Ah Boon and Kengster but to no avail. In the end, only Kwang Han, Tze Siang and Chua were free and my entire hour of searching for people was quite a disappointment. I managed to get back to Quek fifteen minutes after the promised time.

So, when the finally day arrived, I got up in time to see Quek’s SMS to delay the swim to 1345h instead of 1300h. I immediately inform the rest and Kwang Han started to sound out that he did not want to go anymore. We had a chat in MSN and same like Edgar, he said that it was because I was clearing leave and that was why I was able to do things; but in fact I had been going out with the camp’s people since before I was clearing leave. Anyway, it was partly the next day’s AHM’s fault.

Before leaving my house, Vivi told me she was bringing her sister out to Bugis. So, I had missed another chance to get to go out with her, especially when she needed me so much to take care of her sister.

I was the earliest to reach Chinese Garden MRT. Then, I sat down there to continue with my writing while I called Vivi to chat. Quek messaged me he would be late and Chua soon arrived at the swimming complex. He messaged me and I told him Quek was late and our conversation went by…

Me: Ok. Later u knock ssg quek down 4 being late. Ask him hold it there 4 1 min den do leopard crawl ard e pool.

Chua: Too simple for him coz he pes a…ask him suck all the water up.im sure he prepare to go see mo for 1mth mc.look like we are helping him out.

I was so impressed by Chua’s creativity. Later on, Tze Siang called me and said he had reached but he realised Kwang Han did not inform me that he was meeting us at the swimming complex itself.

At first, I thought Quek was brining Bing Bing along only, but his wife actually came along. As he tried to explain that it was difficult to bring three girls out, I was puzzled after the head count. After some time, I looked into the baby wheel cart and realised Ci En was there too!

This time I needed not rent a locker since Quek Sao was there to watch over the stuff while looking after Ci En. It could be a good chance to take photos if more people had joined us. I went to rent a float with Chua and met up with Tze Siang at the Olympic pool. Then, we set off a few rounds at the Lazy Pool.

As we joined up with Quek and Bing Bing, he asked us to take care of Bing Bing while he went to help his wife to shift things over to the tables nearer to the float store. Suddenly, Chua went missing in action. Bing Bing insisted me to bring her over to the playground side and I had a hard time looking after her. My back started to ache soon as I had to arch down to hold her as she ran about. It was fun to sit on the slide with her. However, it was a scary experience to look after a child who was so hyperactive at the playground where water was splashing everywhere. Bing Bing was so cute and she quite liked me but there was a big problem of her calling me “叔叔” (Shu Shu), which means uncle in Chinese.

After a while, Tze Siang left for his tuition and I was left there with Quek and Bing Bing when Chua was still out of reach. We spent quite some time at the wave pool before leaving. Just before we reached the entrance, we met Chua finally.

After bathing, Chua brought me to the canteen to show me the three girls whom I met earlier at the MRT station but they were gone. He claimed that they had such good figures, with abs on their front. So, I was right about him that he was looking at girls all these while.

It would be better if more people were present and we could rotate to take care of Bing Bing, while those off duty could go and play the big slides while diverting attention on pretty girls; but it would be better if Vivi was present.

If you’ve appreciated, you wouldn’t slap me

[Saturday, 26 August, 2006]

I am so sick of being a busybody. It never pays to be kind and helpful, and sometimes you get slashed in the midst of stopping the “fight”.

Have you ever realised how ignorant and arrogant some girls can get when they broke off with their boyfriends? I will not commit the same mistake and if you cannot understand my words, I repeat it is just SOME girls. The problem with them is that they will start to call all guys jerks without using their brains.

There are of course some black sheep in this world; some jerks and Casanovas could have spoilt the market but obviously it is not the majority of the guys. Same goes for girls who play hard-to-get or flirt around, or even two-timing; there are just all kinds of bitches around as well. You will never hear a sensible guy say “All girls are sluts”; are you a sensible girl then?

Have you realised how much negative thoughts have been generated towards your ex boyfriend by your unreasonable one-sided stories? Do you think it is fair to him? You may not have done it on purpose but I am sad to tell you I can feel the strong negative force saturated in your atmosphere and all hates him.

So what if one day he starts to announce all his unhappiness about the relationship, without indicating how much you have done for him and some important points to mislead all his friends, how would you feel?

It is a good hobby to blog in order to express yourself to whoever interested to find out more about you; it is also a good place to release your stress and air your views. But, are you a responsible blogger who does not spread rumours or even degrade your beloved ones?

Pardon me to be forthright, if you love him and still want him back, why are you doing all these to him? If he ever gets to know of your childishness, do you still expect him to come back to you?

It takes two hands to clap and if your guy has left you, what do you think could have caused the change in his mind? If you want him to be romantic, do you think you have been sweet enough for him to do so? To tell you frankly, the ways you have been doing things have been freaking everyone out.

From the view of an outsider, it seems that you are playing him like a puppet and want him to do whatever you want. From the point of a friend of both of you, I feel the same pressure. If you want to continue to be immature, then continue to think guys are jerks; do not ever counsel any and do not ever get near to any as well.

I am sorry again but to express that girls who claim that guys think with their penis are actually girls who think with their boobs. Obviously boobs do not have brain and that explains why these girls are shallow and simple-minded. If a guy has stayed with you for years and you think all he wants is sex, zip up your brain and stop imagining you are Fiona Xie; I pity his efforts for tolerating you for so long.

After years of efforts to put in good words to help both parties to get together in harmony, I realise I am a dumb fool. Why am I always being sandwiched in between them? Why do I receive ungrateful feedbacks after all these trying to protect each other?

I did not realise just by stating the facts will end up affecting the ego of the girl, thus causing a sudden twist to attack me. I did not expect just by ending the flames in the girl’s place will cause another round of bullets firing at my sympathising heart.

I am not a person who will side anyone just because he or she is of the same category or gender; and if you just want to hear beautiful words about you, cultivate yourself to be perfect that I cannot find any fault.

I regret badly for all effort I have been giving all these years, especially to stay up till near daylight to give counselling. If I have ever being appreciated, I do not think I will be slapped.

This will mark the end of my one-sided help for the couple. Whether they patch up again in future or what, I shall not give any aid, which is considered as unnecessary, to get them to appreciate one another.