I’ve been transferring my old journals from Diary-x to Blogspot. I’ve never thought it’s such a big process that I’m beginning to feel so stressed and tired. My brain seems to be numbed and my head is going to fall anytime.
None can understand and see my perseverance; of course I don’t use it on very useful things most of the times. I must be so crazy to continue doing it. My eyes are tired and I’m feeling feverish.
One by one, I copy the entry over and the problem arouses whenever there’s picture in any of them. I’ve to re-upload them into Blogspot and then change the coding – extra work. Sometimes, something just cocks up and it takes longer time to finish the task.
Another problem is the Chinese fonts that Diary-x doesn’t display properly in the edit mode; it shows number codes and some symbols instead of the actual characters. Then, I’ve to search through my “original” copy using the date and time. Double entries occur a few times and it gets me mixed up and end up with more wastage of time.
Inputting the actual date and time is so tedious that I’ve missed out a few and have to re-edit the entries again.
Most people will most probably give up halfway.
Yes I’m stupid, but at least I’m trying to keep things going. I’m trying to catch up with my unrealistic time frame I’ve scheduled in my calendar. I’m lagging behind but at least I’m moving now.
Flipping through the old entries, I see a big difference as compared to my most recent ones. Those of the past are more emotional and sound poetic, unlike the recent ones that I’m always trying to put up a brave front, which I don’t know if it’s my true self.
Where’re my new poems? I may be too emotionless to write anymore and this is what I always want to be, as to reduce sadness. Do you prefer the poetic moody boy or the more optimist cold-blooded guy?
I realise my style of writing has also changed. I’m always towards the artistic style but somehow facts have forced me to put down more details about unhappy things so that I can refer to when I’m in need. And also due to the lack of time, I’m always trying to rush to complete each entry that less emotion has been placed in.
Just now, Kwang Han pointed out that my entries about girls may scare my potential admirers away. He’s not the first to talk about it, but I can’t remember who the earlier ones are.
Anyway, since most of the guys at a certain age will start to look at girls, I’ve just happened to commit the sin of what all of them do; nothing’s wrong. Girls do look at guys too.
Unlike other people, at least I’m honest about things. It’s too hypocrite to hide the flaws and pretend so innocent. Who cares anyway? I don’t believe any girl will fall for me after looking at my entries minus those about girls-watching or girls-crazy.
I’m just happy enough to have friends who try to understand me from my craps, who at least try to find out my recent news through my website.
And now, I’ve to stop my work because the night is expecting me to knock off. If only time permits, I’ll endure the pain.